Would you, you know, the thought crossed my mind, that maybe you, that is, you and me, I mean I, you and I, might want to, you know, if you wanted, like, I mean at your sole discretion, I mean, it’s not like I’m demanding or anything, you know, I entertained the possibility that perhaps we, that is, you and I, could maybe, you know, go out on a date? And then have sex?
No?
Well fuck you too.
Is this why you’re home on a Friday night, friedo? 
Hey! I’m home too!! Dammit.
No, no, no, you’re doing it all wrong. It should go like this:
matt_mcl> hi, you busy?
HungStud> no
matt_mcl> howz it going
HungStud> not bad u?
matt_mcl> not too bad
HungStud> cool
matt_mcl> where are u?
HungStud> mtl village u?
matt_mcl> plateau
HungStud> stats?
matt_mcl> 18yo 6’1 165 red-brown/hazel goatee semi-hairy
HungStud> me 22yo 6’0 155 black/blue goatee smooth
matt_mcl> cool
HungStud> 7" uncut you?
matt_mcl> same
HungStud> nice
matt_mcl> what do you like to do?
HungStud> fuck suck j/o rim, always safe, you?
matt_mcl> same
HungStud> top or bottom?
matt_mcl> versatile you?
HungStud> bottom
matt_mcl> great
HungStud> wanna come over?
matt_mcl> sure
HungStud> ok can u meet me at beaudry metro?
matt_mcl> ok i can be there in 45 minutes
HungStud> great
matt_mcl> you’re serious eh? no offense, i’ve been stood up before
HungStud> yea i want to meet u
matt_mcl> cool cya then
HungStud> cya
now don’t you wish you were gay?
Seven inches, eh?
I think I wanna be a gay man!!
No, I wouldn’t get any dick if I were gay. 
Ahh for the life of a gay man… ::sigh::
Wait a minute–you say that becoming gay would involve giving up women and sleeping with men? Damn it! I knew there had to be a catch somewhere!
Yeah, i wish i was gay…oh wait. I already am. 
Maybe we should start flirting??
SHIT!! Forget it, Audrey!!
Oh, now, pepper me girl, I’ve got strap on tools that rival anything the sad, droopy little wannabes here have… really!
I’ve got fun stuff that could literally rip out the entire front end of your colon!
Seven inches? Bah! I can do THAT with my hand! I can practically do that with my tongue!
And you MEN think you are all that and a bag of chips with dip on the side…
PLEASE!
Come back down to reality. We women have toys that so rival you you are practically pointless!
Matt -
For the last five years I have awakened next to Lola. I get up with our kids and get them set for the day. Lola and I share coffee before we go to work / school. When I come home my 2 year old daughter usually runs across the lawn with her little arms outstretched. She leaps into my arms and gives me giant hugs and kisses and tells everyone outside that I am her Daddy. It makes me proud to have a child as wondrous as she.
When I come inside Lola is here waiting for me (insert more hugs and kisses). Our baby is at that adorable age of six months and she just beams when I get home. (insert more hugs and kisses for the baby). Then I talk to the boys about their day and sometimes I get a hug from them… they are at that age where hugging is getting less cool.
After dinner we relax and I play with kids and watch them entertain the baby. I give them their baths and then get them tucked into bed.
If we aren’t too tired there is sometimes mad passionate lovemaking after the kids are sleeping. Sometimes there is just going to bed and cuddling with each other.
When I wake up Lola has pushed me to the edge of the bed so that she can be closer. I get up and get the kids set for the day…
Do I want to be gay?
No.
It’s nothing personal…
Byz, stop you are turning me on!
You shouldn’t talk like that unless you plan on doing something about it!
Plan on? Hell, I’ve got maps!
I’ve got directions in brail for our “visually challenged” friends. And yes, my body is in brail!
I’ve also provided for almost every language… tongues are SO important to me!
Now, let’s see, what did I leave out…
Oh, damn!
I left God out of the equation!
Well just ride me into the sunset with a massive strap on tool!
Maybe Satan can pinch hit for God since I forgot to include him.
Feynn:
For the last three years, I’ve developed my personality from the pathetically shy creature I used to be and blossomed as an individual. I have been opened up to new ways of thinking, new concepts of ethical, philosophical, political, and religious thought, and new experiences by my exposure to the gay community.
At half-past eleven pm, I make myself coffee, shower, shave, put on my nice tight jeans or some sexy camo’s, choose a good-looking t-shirt to put on, maybe add a vest or collared shirt especially if it’s cool out. I walk down through quiet, dark city streets to a neighbourhood where everything is lights and sounds. Men and women stroll around, carelessly chatting and holding hands, laughing and gossiping, as if it were four pm on a lazy weekend afternoon.
I go into my favourite club, pay my admission. There aren’t a whole lot of people yet. I sit down, and watch some guys dance. They’re enjoying the music, moving their bodies, enjoying the sensation of sheer energetic motion.
A little group walks into the club and I recognize a guy I know who I haven’t seen for six months. I wave him over, kiss him on both cheeks, greet his friends. His friends go off to the other dance floor, and we sit and chat, coming up to date on what’s been going on in our lives. We exchange phone numbers.
The music’s a bit slow, so I walk out and head over to the local 24-hour coffee shop. I run into a guy I know over the internet; we sit and yak about some weird stuff he’s seen online. As we talk, my favourite English teacher in history walks by. He’s the one who taught the two queer-subtext-in-literature courses I took in CEGEP, the best English courses I ever took. I love him, he’s fabulous. He tells me he’s going to be teaching a course at my university in January. I promise to take it. I know it’ll be great. He gives me his email address so I can keep in touch.
I finish my coffee and say bye to the Internet guy, and go back in the club. It’s full now, and the DJ is whipping off one of my favourite songs after another. I love 80’s dance. I sashay into the middle of the dance floor, gyrate to the beat, lip-synch to the lyrics. I love this. I love moving my body like this. It’s a natural high. I can go crazy dancing and nobody notices because they’re all doing the same thing.
A little later on, I’m tired from my temporary exertion and the DJ has finished the little run of my favourites, so I sit down on the stairs and watch the crowd. As the beat pulses on, the twisting, jolting bodies and the flashes of the disco lights merge into an undulating mass. I stop hearing the music and seeing the individual people, and just feel myself in tune with the rhythms of everyone in the club. Their dance is my dance. It’s everyone’s dance.
The DJ plays the Pet Shop Boys number I requested earlier, and I slither back onto the floor. While I’m dancing, I see a guy in front of me. Very good looking he is, and from the way he’s looking at me I can tell he’s thinking the same thing. We smile at each other, and move closer together. We begin to bump up against each other as we dance. Soon we’re dirty dancing and it’s wonderful - I watch his muscles move under his tight t-shirt and I know something good’s going to happen.
It’s wearing down, so we dance to a few more songs and then saunter off the floor. Finally we tell each other our names. We get into a cab and head up to his place. He sits down on his bed and smiles suggestively up at me, and I sit down, feeling that thrilling mix of self-confidence, adrenaline, trepidation, and sheer horniness. I reach out my hand to him, lay it on his shoulder. He moves in against me. And things take their natural course.
They take their natural course so well, in fact, that they take it twice before we fall asleep. And once more when we wake up at noon the next morning.
Do I want to be straight?
No.
It’s nothing personal.
You know what I love about Byz?
She can truly paint a picture with her words.
“I’ve got fun stuff that could literally rip out the entire front end of your colon!”
All this and your own library, too?
I think I’m in love!
Byz:
“What do I want with his penis? I have four of my own! And let’s do a little reality check on this attached penis vs. the detachable one, gentlemen… how long can you stay hard?”
-Lea deLaria
Fans herself
Byz, you are burning me up.
You ain’t seen nothing yet, sugar! (Said in her very best, swaggering, male postured, hands thrust into the front of her jeans, John Wayne) voice.
These men! I could take ‘em… in more ways than one!
“Bend over, buddy, I’m driving!”
Well, Byz, I gotta go to bed now. But rest assured that your words will be haunting my dreams.
Is it true that all women are two drinks away from a lesbian encounter? This is what Lola tells me anyways…
“I experimented with heterosexuality in college. I slept with a straight guy. I was really drunk.” - Bob Smith