When I was living overseas, I saw a number of asian women who were dating anglo men, in many cases for, ISTM, rather unhealthy reasons; among them because they wanted to piss off their fathers and/or because they had somewhat romanticised ideas about western men. The saying was “she doesn’t love you, she loves your passport.”
I have dated outside of my race so it would be hypocritical of me to not allow my children to do so.
I have several Muslim friends, both male and female. I, myself, have never dated a Muslim, but I not dated anyone of religion since I became agnostic/atheist. I don’t think it would work, particularly if they were devout. However, if my kids wanted to date a Muslim, all I would care about is the individual’s belief system. One of the Muslim girls I know is the most open-minded, free-spirited individual I have ever met. If I was older and had a son I would love to see them date.
The current trend is for single Chinese men - granted, often returnees from studies abroad, but Asian nonetheless - to date anglo women.
The passport may have something to do with it on the man’s side, but the women’s motivation is more interesting. Could be the image of the kind and gentle Asian, which seems to be undergoing something of a renaissance. Cynics suggest it’s more of a wallet thing.
I was raised a bigot, and I will remain a bigot in some respects until life proves those biases wrong to me. Much easier than readjusting out of nowhere, and more honest than to claim impartiality, as many do here.
Fair enough. Nothing I, nor anyone else will say can change your view. However, I will let you know that not all Muslims meet your bigoted standards, and some of them are rather open minded and not at all like you’d expect.
Personally, if its any consolation, I wouldn’t want to date you either.
Just to clarify my last statement – I’m saying that I would not, nor would I want my (hypothetical) children to date anyone who held bigoted views, no matter what their excuse for them.
Phew! I thought you were coming on to him for a moment.
My boyfriend would object.
What was trying to say in my last statement 4 posts up (counting this one as well), is that I didn’t mean it as any sort of personal attack of insult, just that I wouldn’t want my children (or myself) to date anyone who held bigoted views, no matter what the justification for them.
anu-la1979
talak?
For what it’s worth, I don’t think people like Paladud, i.e. those who admit their prejudice (or even bigotry - a word I hate), are as intolerant or as prone to actually do harm as those who blithely profess their liberal credentials. And that, I take it, is what Pal is trying to say.
Would I really want my daughter to marry a Pakistani man? (There are many in Hong Kong). I could list the many cultural, linguistic and religious reasons why such a union might not work, or I could just say it would disappoint me - in theory.
Of course, in practice it might work out quite differently. Is it possible to separate bigotry from aspiration? Should we trust people who blather on about their indifference to the whole thing?
What about those who aren’t just “blithely professing their liberal credentials”? People like myself? People who themselves are in mixed race relationships, have not had problems because of it, and if they have had problems, have rectified them. People for whom, really, the colour of someone’s skin doesn’t matter?
Your kids won’t be doing much dating, then, Angua.
Everyone on the face of this planet has prejudices that others would consider “bigoted”. “Bigot” these days is pretty much a term used to describe anyone who doesn’t agree with the person doing the name calling, anyway. If people keep throwing this word around to describe anyone who has a different viewpoint that angers them, it’s going to lose its power. Bigot used to be an ugly word to describe an ugly person. Now it’s in the same category as words like “Nazi,” “fascist,” etc. Those are fighting words used by people who, half the time, don’t even know what they’re talking about, and they are thrown at people who do not deserve to be compared to Hitler, the KKK, etc.
Sometimes they’re steeped in “tradition”, some are just plain ignorance, sometimes they exist because the person has never met anyone out of (name group here) who gave them any reason to believe that they’re not all (name bad thing here). If you’ve had run ins with 50 people from (name group here) and every last one of them was a rotten person, of course you’re going to raise an eyebrow at that particular group, especially if those 50 people are the ONLY people you’ve ever known out of (name group here).
Anyone who says they are 100% free from ANY preconceived ideas/bad attitudes towards certain people, races, religions, etc. is a liar. Yes, we should try to fight stereotypes and prejudices, because everybody deserves to be judged on THEIR merits, and not judged because of their membership of a group. Nobody is ever going to get it totally right, though.
They’ll have to be creative then.
What I meant by ‘bigoted’, which is probably the wrong word to have used, and I should have used ‘prejudiced’ instead. And having been a victim of both, I do know the difference.
I believe we all have our prejudices. We also all have different personalities and histories. It might well be that an individual (such as you) does not have a prejudice with respect to a certain thing, in your case skin colour. But what I don’t believe is that any individual has no prejudices, or has overcome all the prejudices he or she once had.
But then I am generally positive about prejudices, believing that they serve to remind us of our humanity. In his book The Closing of the American Mind, Allan Bloom talks about the place of prejudices in young lives. He laments the fact that young people think so little, are so unreflective, and jokes to a fellow professor who proudly tells him that he knocks the prejudices out of his charges that he is doing him a service by giving him something to work on (by giving the students some prejudices).
In my own experience, the worst expressions of intolerance have come from those who flaunt their liberal credentials. (Note, not from liberals per se, but from those who are activists.) I am not often lost for words, but was on the occasion (at Birmingham University, strangely enough) when a fellow graduate student told me that those who voted Conservative were not moral.
With regard to racial prejudice, I think we need to concern ourselves mainly with acts of discrimination (words as well as deeds). For who can tell what is in someone’s heart? And by focusing on certain areas only, the sad thing is that we do not focus on the prejudices which matter just as much (and which are common to all peoples), such as elitism, and the expedient and blinkered worship of the successful.
You’ll have to excuse me, I haven’t finished my second cup of coffee yet (and yes, I did preview).
That should read:
“When I said ‘bigoted’, it was probably the worng word to have used, and I should have used ‘prejudiced’ instead”
I hate to say this, but you’re right. Often those who are the loudest to say “look at me, I’m a liberal lefty”, are just as prejudiced as their compatriots on the right. 
Being a Bengali male in Georgia, interracial dating wasn’t really so much a choice as it was necessity. Bengalis aren’t everywhere (and to be truthful, most Bengali girls my age were rude and stuck-up).
Granted, I come from a family where dating itself is/was prohibited and I had to pursue relationships behind my parents back quite often. All they really know about my current girlfriend is that she’s Asian and I’m at her house helping her with her homework a lot. 
Though it makes me recall one of the most volatile relationships I once had with a Jewish girl (who we’ll call Becky). The problem wasn’t so much with her, but with her insane Zionist mother. Back then, I was a Muslim, not the professed athiest I am now. So everytime I was over, regardless of whether or not I made a point to see her or not (usually I just like to swing a “Hi!” to the parents, but she was a special case), she’d make mention of how “my people” killed others in Israel that day. At first, I’d argue the whole thing, but I just started giving in because I was spending more time with her than Becky. What really got me was the accusatory tone she’d always talk to me in - it was like she was interrogating me and expected me to give up the locations of Hamas leaders and a list of their biggest fears. Worse yet, any talk of “I don’t believe in the war,” was met with “I’m sure you don’t believe in living in America with my daughter, too, huh?” To Becky’s credit, she’d always pipe up with the standard “Mom, don’t you dare…” but it was annoying enough that I stopped going to her house all together.
I’m offended, too. My not wanting my daughter to marry you has nothing to do with terrorism at all. Rather, it has to do with the distressing frequency of Muslim men of my acquaintance to treat women as second-class citizens, and it has everything to do with how I perceive your behavior on the boards: touchy and easily set off, just like now.
Excuse me that I didn’t see in your post something else then what it is:
A direct and personal attack.
If you meant to say what you claim now that is was: Why did you feel the need to put my membername in your post?
There are several SDMB members from whom is known that they have multiple-partner relationships. I didn’t see you listing them. I must be blind.
Why not simply state that you would not like your daughter to enter a polygamous marriage/relationship. That would be clear enough to everybody, wouldn’t it? Nobody could make any remarks about such a post.
Salaam. A
In all seriousness, cite?
Every biography I ever read of Ms. O’Hair made her seem to be just as unpleasant in private as she was in public. My impression was that she enjoyed it - sort of like being a troll IRL. I know she alienated many members of her own family. And, of course, when one of her sons became a Christian she cut him out of her life altogether. I suspect her answer to the question posed in the OP would have been “No”.
My own answer to the same question is a lot more difficult to come up with. I can’t tell if I should be upset if my kids date someone of a race different from me, or different in race from them.
Regards,
Shodan
Dante, fyi, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (“Mormons”) does not condone, authorize, encourage, or otherwise practice Polygamy, and has not for the past 108 years. I’m positive any daughter of yours who marries a Mormon will not be subject to being a multiple (or “sister”) wife. I give you my personal guarentee.
However, there are sects in central and southern (and yeah northern) Utah who are not members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. They call themselves “fundamentalist Mormons.” They are not related to the LDS Church in any way, shape, or form. These sects do believe in a polygamy and a whole host of nasty, offputting things. I can understand, and support, your distate of these sects.
But please, please, understand that they’re two completely different religions with no formal or official (and very little unofficial) connections.