Wow, was I ever clueless about women!

My husband was 25. I know because it was me! Mwahahahahaha

I’m glad somebody was willing to perform this vital service.

Here’s my sad story. I went on a hiking trip when I was 21. I was in a hiking group with a very attractive older woman. Very fit. After the trip was done she invited me to have a walk around Calgary as I had an extra day to kill. She confided in me that she “accidentally” forgot to wear her bra that day, and to boot, gave me a tour of her apartment.

Sweet jesus…I try not to look back in regret.

Oh man do I have stories! Not that I’m any better at picking up clues now, my wife finds my cluelessness charming at least.

One that stands out was when I was bartending and was invited to a “party” at the home of a fellow bartender who was easily one of the five most attractive women I’ve ever seen. The party ended up being just the two of us drinking in her living room. At the end of the night she said “You can come sleep in my bed, but keep your hands to yourself” I took her at her word and stayed on my side of the bed and left her alone. The next morning she was pretty peeved and asked why I didn’t try anything. I said “Damn it woman, if you would have stopped at ‘You can sleep in my bed’, I would have! Don’t warn me away from what you want!”

Another bartending job, another attractive cow-orker. She had just gotten engaged and was leaving the job, all of the bartending crew was sitting around chatting and another girl asked “Would you have slept with anyone from the team?”. Engaged girl answers “Yep. August.” I said “I wish you would have said something earlier!” and she replied “I couldn’t have sent you any more signals, doofus!”