Wrestling with myself and my desire to see The Scorpion King

As some people on this board know, I have dreams…strange dreams…dreams that insinuate themselves into my real life and manifest as short stories…tattoo designs…and indeed…screen names for general information message boards.

Sometimes I dream about things and I can never quite get them out of my head…and now that has lead to a strange tangent.

For I have had a dream that I was betrothed to The Rock in some ancient far off land where I was forced to wear Burqua’s and live in a blood red mansion.

I don’t like the Rock.

I don’t like wrestling.

But now…I fear…I’m going to have to go see The Scorpion King, no matter how hard I try not to.

And so I need someone to help justify my attendance to this crazy little film, lest I sully my ultra cool, edgy reputation. :cool:


I want to see it because it appears to have lots of noise, cool outfits and rippling muscles-- at least one movie I see each summer must contain these elements.

You, on the other hand, could say you’re “researching a story.” Yeah, that’s it! About, um… ah… aw, crap.

Go see it so that you can saunter on into the Pit the morning after, and give us a colorful description of how incredibly awful it was.

yes…yes…that’s it

:: jar writes all of this down ::

Does anyone think it’s going to be good…at all? Even from an MST3K point of view?

The Mummy series of movies have been good fun to watch- plenty of eye candy and great sound-- they are really good DVD’s.

Go and watch- its going to be a harmless bit of summer movie.


Go to the trailer – pretty much the first thing you see is someone babbling about a Prophecy. A sure sign of an creatively bankrupt epic fantasy film. This is going to be another cookie-cutter epic fantasy for the hunk o’ the moment. Kevin Sorbo had his with Krull (Kull?) the Conqueror, Ahnold had his Conan, and so on.

(Actually Conan was OK, if only because Conan pretty much defined the epic Barbarian hero genre. Pretty much all the efforts since then have been drivel, albeit occasionally drivel with decent special effects and/or naked pagan princesses.)

Of course you must see it.

Think of it, The Rock just ripples with muscle and all the guy can do is raise an eyebrow.

I’m going to see it for the same reason I saw the Mummy and the Mummy Returns: to criticize all the anachronisms, inconsitancies and fallacies in their portrayal of ancient Egypt.

Yup. My boyfriend refuses to watch them with me :smiley:

[sub]It has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I LOVE Indiana Jones type movies… including Tomb Raider! :eek:[/sub]

Well, if a sequel invariably sucks worse than the original film,* then a prequel should by definition be better than the original.

Could you test my theory for me? I don’t want harm my fragile psyche by testing it myself.

*(With the possible exceptions of The Bride of Frankenstein, The Road Warrior, and the little-known Citizen Kane Versus Mr. Smith.)

Of course anyone with a shred of intelligence knows this movie will be awful. But it won’t keep people from seeing it thanks to the WWF, Vince McMahon, and the thousands upon thousands of those who idolize “The Rock” and all the other knuckle draggers in the WWF.

If that wasn’t enough, the radio waves are bombarded with Godsmack singing “I stand alone”…the theme from the movie. So not only will the wrestling “fans” be there, but also the metal-heads! With that type of quality in attendance why wouldn’t you want to go?

The Phantom Menace pretty much definitively trashed your theory and the fragile psyche of
millions of Star Wars fans at the same time.

Here’s what leaves me puzzled. After watching The Mummy Returns (my roommate made me), I thought the Scorpion King was [spoiler alert]

a BAD guy. I mean, the “climactic” scene at the end with a CGI half-scorpion/half-wrestler kinda seemed to go along with that interpretation. And the telling of the “Legend of the Scorpion King” earlier in the movie made him seem like someone who wasn’t so nice.

So why is he referred to as a hero in the trailers for the new movie?

The idea was that he was corrupted like Anakin Skywalker was.

I love The Rock. The Scorpion King is the only first-run movie I’ll watch this spring. That and probably the new Morgan Freeman/Ben what’s his name (Duck: AFF-LECK!!!) vehicle. Movies and music generally suck now.

And of course the biggest exception to that rule is The Empire Strikes Back which turned out to be the finest Star Wars movie made. :cool:


Day-ummm. I guess we can file it on the shelf next to eugenics and cold fusion, eh?

Did anyone mention that The Rock is an author (again, in theory)? Maybe we can sell jarbaby on that.

Jarbaby, just repeat the following phrase:

“I go see movies for entertainment, I don’t expect everything to be Citizen Kane.”

That phrase seems to have the power to excuse the most ridiculous and ill-advised movie-viewing choices.

Thank you. My wife does that every time she sees him on TV, too, and I always laugh.

Anyway, I’ll either see it in the theatre or on video. No big deal. I know it won’t be great, so there’s no reason to rush, but it is a movie with sword-clashing armies, and so it is my duty as a D&D geek to see it.

And don’t even bother to bring up the actual D&D film, it really isn’t worth the effort.

My mistake. Samuel L. Jackson and AFF-LECK (sorry, Affleck) will be in Changing Lanes, which promises to be a very good one-on-one thriller that they don’t do so well anymore.

Hey, fellow Dopers, see the Rock on Saturday Night Live this weekend to tell if he has any star potential.

Oh, fuck you. You know you’re a geek. Go see the damn movie.