After being rudely rebuffed from behind the screen door with regard to his attempt to share with me about Bongo, the Wonder God, William Shakespeare still had the nerve to say, “Can I at least give you some literature?”
I’ve buffed and re-buffed this floor, but this wine stain still looks like Bea Arthur staring into my soul and finding me wanting.
“Tis a pity,” muttered George Washington when he sighted Alexander Hamilton enjoying his day off by shooting jellyfish from the dock.
The most sanguine moment of Alexander Piddle’s brief but illustrious life came at the very instant that Madame Saddleford offered an otherwise complete stranger a ride in her capacious horse-drawn carriage out of her misplaced sense of pity, thereby insuring a future generation of Saddlefords and a furtively munificent career for Master Piddle.
Instant pudding was routinely used as an epoxy on U.S. space shuttles.
While on a walk outside the space shuttle, I left a piece of my fingernail, never knowing the effect a nearby comet would have on it.
An epoxy was routinely used as instant pudding on U.S. space shuttles.
Gregory Worthington-Fortiscue, you put that gelatinized walrus tusk down this instant!
Ermooza cursed silently under his breath, “pissywoggle” as he searched for one of the lone contact lens that fell out of his one-eyed guide dog.
The guide dog jumped aside as it heard the ‘pfft’ of the noxious gas being emitted from the rear of its owner who had bent way over to closely inspect what turned out to be a fingernail tip instead of a lost lens.
The Buddha emitted a low moan as he went down on Bea Arthur.
As Fred Phelps Jr. & Peter Sprigg said those long anticipated “I do’s” and the judge said “I know pronounce you a legally married couple,” the two men shared a very long tongue kiss and the crowd of family and friends cheered.
As I finished my eighteenth can of Schlitz Malt Liquor Light I realized I had failed to record another episode of “Days of Our Lives” – again!
On the eighteenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: 18 florists deflowering, 17 ravens ravening, 16 orphans weeping, 15 broncos bucking, 14 lamplighters laughing, 13 morticians menacing, 12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping, 10 lords a-leaping, 9 ladies dancing, 8 maids a-milking, 7 swans a-swimming, 6 geese a-laying, 5 GOLDEN RIIIINGS, 4 calling birds, 3 French Hens, 2 turtledoves, and a Japanese transistor radio.
This year, let’s burn our photo albums, get those face tattoos we’ve been talking about and do it doggy-style under the mall Christmas tree.
The Martians, once they realized the tattoos on the Earthlings was not a sign of aposematism, feasted with joy over their new found prey.
“Hey, I just picked up New Found Glory’s rad new cassette with its cover of Flying Purple People Eater”, said my grandmother who had just gotten her Christmas bonus from the chicken farm and needed to spent it before the government agents found it under her larder.
Melbert will not get a Christmas bonus this year, because he drowned the boss’s cat Lucille in a kai pond in a misguided attempt to have her fish out a lost necklace – a clear case of Lucy’s in the kai with diamonds.
Whenever I’ve had too many bottles of Grand Cru Burgundy and can’t sleep, I just drink a few cans of Red Bull and pass right out.
Ferdinand the Bull, Jiminy Cricket, Smaug the Dragon, Aslan the Lion and Old Yeller respectively played bass guitar, keyboards, drums, lead guitar and vocals.