Just because I wouldn’t punch that bonfire doesn’t make me a chicken.
Don’t punch the fire…use margarine instead.
Margarine is better known as Jesus Butter 'round here.
No one could make her cum faster or harder than the führer and his silly little clit-ticker mustache.
I left my mustache comb on the davenport next to that silly little Hitler effigy.
Spend a month in Davenport having my toenails pulled out? Sign me up!
(Technically two sentences :))
Technically, every sentence has been written before, ever since Oscar Pistorius and Robert Jordan proved the Theory of Two-Dimensional Recurring Time.
I’m sure someone’s written that before. 
Next:
Christmas just isn’t Christmas until I’ve spawned a new race of demonic overlords to enslave humanity.
Silly Elendil, Skaldy blathers incessantly about spawning new Overlords every Yuletide!
I for one welcome our new Santa Claustrophic overlords, and wish them a meretricious Pappy nude fear.
Grandma, do we have to stand around in the nude every time we watch Stone Phillips?
Why should we just stand around when the Pope has put out a progressive rock album urging us to wake up and go?
The original lineup of Black Sabbath, along with the Vienna Boys’ Choir, is headed back into the studio to work on a new double-album of Christmas standards to be produced by Lemmy Kilmister.
A recent ethical lady suffered from an affliction of life hemlock…
An affliction of Life Hemlock was believed to have been the cause of death for William Shakespeare, and this demise was presumed to have been presaged in Iago’s lines in Othello.
I successfully predicted the hamster’s demise, but Calamity Jane coming back to life really threw me.
Flies, beetles, spiders, I never seem to have enough for company.
The 117th Royal Cavalcade Company is proud to present Skiing With The Duke.
I think Carrie Fisher is 'way more sexy in The Force Awakens than she was in Return of the Jedi.