Doctor Longnitude pressed a switch and the windshield wipers came on; after the foglamps and and message display that proclaimed, “WE BRAKE FOR NOBODY”, he found the radio and responded, “Why, that’s awfully nice of you; haven’t seen any sunken islands lying about?”
“No, we haven’t sir, but we might as well inform you that we are being followed by four dorks in a biplane, and they look peeved”
F-16 pilot Lt. Peter “Pinhead” Potente, concerned about the bogie’s bizarre radio response and aware that each passing minute brought it closer to Chicago, ignored his wingman’s reply and nervously fingered the arming switch for his two Sidewinder AIM-9M-7 air-to-air missiles.
Timmy activated the rear view screen and discovered, to his horror, a Sopwith Camel flown by the floozy (Timmy not knowing what a “Hooker” was) with Bert, Ernie and the Gypsy hanging onto the wings.
“Jesus!” Sam said, “look who’s following us, and gaining speed I might add!”
“Wha…” responded Jesus, “I was just resting my eyes.”
“That’s very important after LASIK surgery, you know” offered Timmy, or was it Tommy.
“Oye,” reflected Jesus, “Timmony, Tommony, what’s the difference allready?”
A cockpit alarm chimed, and Dr. Longitude screamed, “Those Air Force assholes have a missile lock on us!”
“You know, Doctor, we should all watch our language around young Timmy, Tommy, whatever his name is here.” chided Jesus.
“His name is Timmy, and this is no time to worry about such trifles,” the agitated scientist shot back, “when we all might die at any moment!”
Timmy began frantically launching flares to distract the sidewinders, which came dangerously close to the pursuing Sopwith Camel…
Lt. Potente watched with growing fury as the Sidewinders were lured away by flares dropped from the bizarre, ramshackle UFO, before deciding to close in for the kill with his 20mm M61 Vulcan gatling gun.
Just then, Timmy realised that Sidewinder AIM-9M-7 missles need an infra red image from the target to lock onto, “Good thing this aircraft has a built-in infra red cloak, I think I’ll turn it on…”
“…or not!”
“Ah, man,” muttered Timmy, “This is gonna hurt,” just as the Sopwith flew into the hail of shells from the Vulcan.
In an extremely pivotal exchange, Sam turned to Jesus and said, “Is there bathroom on this thing?”
Transfixed by the approaching warplane, Jesus just shrugged.
Former Vice President Al Gore, who unbeknownst to us, but beknownst to Our Heroes was also aboard, got on the radio and said, “This is Former VIce President Al Gore on the radio…Is there an echo in here? Cease fire!”
“Get the hell off the radio!!” yelled Sam, “It’s not strong enough to support someone of your carriage!”