Take comfort, there are (genuinely) nice guys out there. The problem is similar to the evening news - if it doesn’t horrify you, it doesn’t garner much publicity.
I’ve been treated rather badly by one man. On the other hand I’ve known several great men so far:
My Dad - He works at a job that he doesn’t like, a job that drains him, so that he can take care of the family. He’s been married for twenty-something years and been loyal in the hard times. He delays moving back to his home state, a place he dearly loves, so that my brother can finish high school with his friends. He took vacation from work and spent large sums of money to help me drive across country when I moved because he was worried about me making the drive on my own, and he knew I was apprehensive about doing it.
My friend Ollie - He married a woman that had a young child from a previous relationship. He raised this girl as if she was his own flesh and blood. When he and his wife divorced he continued to care for her as one of his own. When she (now a grown woman) was scared and in premature labor with her first child, it was Ollie who was by her side during the C-Section - her mother couldn’t be bothered to come back early from her vacation.
So yeah, good-hearted men are out there, they’re just not well publicized.
See, I figure it’s the serial killer profile thing. Look at it this way: What’s a nice guy? Quiet, maybe a bit shy, intelligent, always helps out his neighbors. Women look at this guy, and figure they’re gonna wind up stuffed in his fridge. At least with a drunken psychotic asshole, they know what they’re in for.
Luckily, I’ve discovered a little known fact. Due to video games, cheap alcohol, and internet porn, women are now antiquated technology. And, I might add, expensive and unfulfilling antiquated technology at that. A 60" plasma TV will give you more fun and personal fulfillment than almost any girlfriend, and pays itself off in a couple dateless months. Couple that with a Playstation, digital cable, and broadband internet and you’ve got a rich, rewarding life for like 1/10th the cost. No need to pay for life insurance, no worrying about saving up for kids, no wedding ring, no constant need for new furniture. I’m telling you guys, this is the wave of the future.
I’ve had, since the age of fourteen (when I started having the things), ten romantic relationships with men (and given that I’m not in a monogamous relationship, that’s a bit inflated from many folks’ expectations, since I started seeing the fellow I married when I was sixteen).
I was assaulted by my first boyfriend. This means that everyone who’s known me since numbers me in their cumulative stats for “women who have been assaulted by dumb fucks”. Never mind that the vast majority of my relationships since then have been good relationships with sane people.
I wouldn’t call either of my current partners a ‘Nice Guy’, but that’s because the phrase is inexorably associated with the sort of behaviours mentioned in the link Guin posted. However, they are both wonderful human beings and I am lucky to be able to share my life with them.
As much as I bitch, and I bitch quite often, most of the men I know are nice, decent guys.
Thing is, they’re not technically “out there” because they all have a wife or a girlfriend (not both) whom they love and treat with respect. Like Jonathan Chance said, they all got snapped up.
Also, being nice is a quieter quiet activity than being an ass. You can hear the guy screaming curses at his girlfriend all throughout the grocery store - you can’t hear the guy who is buying the ingredients for his girlfriend’s favorite meal to surprise her that night.
Aces! Another “NICE GUYS FINISH LAST” thread! I’m sure this one will reach just as satisfying of a conclusion as the one billion other ones that’ve graced this board.
Hey Mr. Original Post, don’t keel over patting yourself on the back over there, mang.
Besides, being the decent man puts you in a position to be the one she then tells about the creep. As Lilairen said, all it takes is a single one out of however many, and you got yourself a statistic…
JRD – single, nonabusive, not-bad-looking gentleman (but I got other “issues” )
What makes you qualify as a nice guy? I’ve never been involved with anyone except my current girlfriend, I’ve never hurt her, cheated, or even thought about doing anything bad. I’m polite and all that shit, I think… so, what exactly makes a nice guy?
Well This would have to be a terribly non-scientific assignation, but for the purposes of this thread, A Nice Guy, Or a Decent Guy is a man who tries at most times to:<Not all need apply>
Be polite
Be respectful of others
Have at least rudimentary manners
Helps out without being paid
Be kind to, or at least tolerant of children
Be independent
Stand up for what he feels is right
Tries to help out those who are weaker, if asked or if intervention is obviously necessary.
All of the above in moderation and when warranted of course. No one expects anyone to be a total knight in shining armor.
He must NEVER <all must apply>
Be physically abusive
Be sexually abusive
Be emotionally abusive
(all of the above to his significant other or children)
Pick on those who are weaker
Cheat when he has agreed to an exclusive relationship
Cheat when such a situation is implied and understood
So there you go. For my purposes that’s the qualifications.
E-mail recieved yesterday, after a date where EVERYTHING went right.
I enjoyed meeting you too. I thought a lot about it, and its almost like we have too much in common - if we went out I would feel like I was going out on a date with my brother instead of a romantic interest. I’m sorry to have to send you this, but I it would be unfair if I wasn’t honest.
Thank you for dinner and for the chance to meet you. Good luck with everything & take care!
Years ago, I was a “nice guy.” More recently, I’ve been myself. Now, fuck all of that, It’s complete, utter jerkdom. One night stands, blowing off dates and phone calls … women, you’re gonna’ get what you really want.
This dry spell has gone on for close to five years. No more. Women, thanks for telling me what really matters.
Women want nice guys with SELF CONFIDENCE. We want nice guys who also fulfill our needs looks-wise. I’m not talking about some Adonis, but a guy who fits our individual profile on what it means to be attractive (for my part, it’s an intelligent, funny 6’+ semi-dork who isn’t too thin or grossly overweight, for some girls it’s completely different)
I had a nice guy once. He broke up with me (over lunch - nice, on a work day - not nice). He doesn’t want me back (his gf before me tried to get him back too, he’s a keeper). Haven’t gone on a date since (fall 1999). What can I say, there really is a nice guy famine going on. The only guys I come across who claim to be nice guys are indifferent looking guys who really just want to get laid, and though they are nice in their behavior, the seediness of their goal makes the whole combo rather creepy.
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