… and I’m 5’ 10". Yes, I’ve been called short on occasion, even by women whose height approaches the 5’ mark. Grrrrrrrrrrr…
I really wish women who demand that their men be tall experience the same level of flamage that we guys get when we say that we’re not attracted to Lane Bryant shoppers. Sure, you can have your tall, affluent guys with perfect personalities and the perfect spark, but when we men express even the slightest bit of selectivity in seeking a desired mate, it’s flamethrowers ablaze! “You’re all closet pediophiles, because you all want a woman who’s some twelve year old version of Barbie!”
Fuck that. Arrogant, extrelmely secure, extremely confident, abusive asshole it is from now on.
Hey! nice guy…(err, not a pig or asshole) over here to.
A few small questions that i never will be able to answer myself?
Why, when you are a single nice guy, none of the girls you are interested in will go out with you but as soon as you start dating someone they start throwing themselves at you? Even though they know you are living with someone in a committed relationship, who may even be their best friend! Is it to get us in trouble, safety from getting hit on, easy way to cop a feel? To see if they are better than person X? What the fuck?
Been dating my girlfriend for a year, living together for the past four months and were friends for a year before we got together (both in other relationships on and off while we were friends and were not attracted to each other, not sure what happened to set us off). My girlfriend is fairly quiet and shy, I am a loud mouth yobbo in a houseband. Recently her best friend has gone the grope on me, girls i used to be interested in will flirt with me, in front of my girlfriend, and they are her friends first off. Most of the arguments we’ve had were the result of the actions of other people.
It’s a total and utter mindfuck on occasions, men can’t win in any situation!
For the record, I AM one of those Lane Bryant shoppers, and most people think my affinity for the over 6’ set to be something of an anomaly.
But my taste in guys tends towards men many women wouldn’t give a second look to, and no, Tom Cruise is NOT attractive in my eyes. So don’t give me that shit. In fact, if you read my description carefully, you’ll notice that I actually prefer my guys a tad “fluffy”. I just like them tall, K?
And what’s more, most of the so-called nice guys wouldn’t give me a second look either, so the whole thing is bullshit. And I’m only moderately overweight. Must be worse for those really sweet, loving, and dare I say it, horny chicks who are even bigger than I am. But many “nice guys” won’t give them a chance either. It’s give and take my friend.
You probably picked up an attitude of confidence, comfort, and general contentment with your life when you started your relationship; if you had any negatives in the areas of self-esteem, neediness, or insecurity before you started the relationship, a fair number of people will consider that a subliminal turn-off and never register you as attractive. (And then the relationship starts, and woo! All that changed!)
There are also people who like to come on to people who are ‘taken’ because they feel it’s ‘safe’ – they know they won’t be taken up on the supposed ‘offer’, so they can make it more freely because there’s no risk involved. (I find this sort of bizarre, but I’ve observed it and seen it reported a lot.) It’s the flip side of “Do I ask this person out or don’t I? What if I get shot down?” angst.
There are other, less savory reasons – trying to rack up conquest points, or ‘testing’ your loyalty to the friend – but I don’t get the impression that they’re all that common.
my pet theory on why girls go after guys in committed relationship is threefold
1, they never considered their ‘friend’ as a sexual being just someone to bitch to when their boyfriends screw them over so when some other female shows up she’s like “wow I never noticed that before”
2, some girls (notice I said SOME) like a challenge and like taking something that belongs to others.
3, to other girls it shows that you can form a stable relationship and if that’s what they secretly want they suddenly clue into that you’re that type of material. (note this is somewhat of a similar theory to #1)
4, also if you were somewhat of a friendly safety value for them and suddendly that’s threatened by your time being taken up by your relationship they realize they miss you and think they are attracted to you b/c they think about you alot now that you’re gone
I still don’t buy the whole “confidence/neediness” stuff. I’m about as confident as you can get without becoming an asshole and it’s never worked for me. And nobody in their right mind would call me needy.
Enh; it happened, as far as I can judge from talking with him, to my husband.
He’s always been fairly confident and secure, but he’s not been particularly confident in his romantic life and that particular corner of social stuff. I pursued him for a relationship, we got settled, and that confidence and security manfiested in the attractiveness portion of his life as well.
I’m not sure if the change still perplexes him, but he jokes about it as if it does. It’s an odd sort of makeover, I suppose. “From wallflower geek to guy with three girlfriends!”
As to the neediness thing – I find looking for a relationship very unattractive. Someone who comes across to me as looking is marked down quite a few notches on the whole attraction-meter thing. I get the impression that this isn’t an uncommon thing, so those people who wind up in relationships and turn off that whole, “I’m looking for someone to be with!” vibe as a result may well find it easier to find people who are attracted to them.
Didn’t even think about that fourth point you mentioned Darkhold.
Still it’s confusing and frustrating (and confidence boosting) when you go from being the three legged leper with two heads and no ass with paintstripper halitosis breath and scabies to being something that more than one person is interested in.
Mind you, I have to thank all the assholes out there, when i do end up in a relationship it is usually (as in this case) with a gorgeous stunner that has been treated like shite by her Ex. The results being that she laps up every bit of attention I give to her, paying it back fourfold e.g been going out for a year, today my lunch was brought to work, got a massage and a video to watch during the afternoon. I even like it when the assholes try to crawl back and get told to fuck off!
So, really i can say that the nice guys laugh last and longest!!
I’ve met so many guys who proclaim themselves “nice guys” and wonder why women aren’t flocking to them, when what they REALLY are is men who aren’t abusive.
Also, these very same “nice guys” who whine about how “no girls” pay any attention to them and that they’re stupid bitches who stupidly date only bad boys that mistreat them (yaddayaddayadda), what they REALLY mean is that no HOT girls date them.
In other words, they want “chemistry” by way of getting with hot looking females, but sneeringly discount a woman’s honest “sorry ‘IT’ is just not there for us”.
They get angry at you (in a very controlled non-abusive way of course) for not wanting to be with them, and have that annoying “any old warm body will do” syndrome going on.
As in, they’re attitude is “I’m a nice guy, I treat women well, ergo, you should be interested in me instead of bad boys (as if her refusal to date you automatically means she’s a bad boy chaser), and I don’t believe you when you say there’s ‘no chemistry’, you’re just making that up so you can date bad boys and be a social bully (yaddayaddayadda)”.
As if merely by being a supposed “nice guy” that he believes that “should” be the basis for women wanting to date a guy. Never mind if they have anything in common, or if there’s any attraction"
I can’t speak for all ‘nice guys’ but I call bullshit on this. When I go out I’m far more concerned if we’re compatible then anything else.
bangs my head against a desk There are times without a doubt that there’s no mutual attraction between two people, but how many times must someone hear “oh you’re such a great guy, you’re fun, funny and (in rare cases where it’s gone that far) great in bed…but there’s just no chemistry between us” only to have her go out with the same type of guy (and sometimes the same fucking guy) that beat her up/cheated on her/etc before you come to the conclusion that she likes the chaos of said relationships. One time I was talking to a friend of a friend that was bitching about no nice guys. I pointed out she had a ‘nice guy’ right in the next room that obviously liked her. She said I swear to god “but nice guys are…” pause sheepish look at me. I finished for her “boring”
so first we’re looking only for hotties now we’re looking for any warm body? WTF?
well in my opinion it should be the starting point for any long term serious relationship. Or fuck friends if you’re interested in something more causal.
once again I’d like to state there are attractive non clingy guys out there. Guys which no doubt have a lot in common with the females they wish to date (hotties or no) but never get dates. Yet every asshole cheats on his girlfriend beats the piss out of her guy in this town I know gets snapped up in a second. No doubt some of this is the small town mentality I come from (plus there’s a surplus of guys here) but I highly doubt that this crap doesn’t go on in a lot of places.
Based on these criteria, I thankfully know a lot of nice, decent men aside from the two I’ve already mentioned (and most of them have been snapped up):
Michael (single and prefers it that way, ATM), Tate (married, has a baby), Phil (married, has two babies), Steve (engaged, baby on the way) John (married for 25 years, has 3 kids and a grandchild), Matt (married for 30 years, has 3 kids).
This thread, in places, has devolved into a battle of the sexes. There are some awful men and women out there - it’s part of Humanity. This thread was a query for
Whenever I’m tempted to proclaim the pool is full of shit, I stop myself and divert my energy to finding a cleaner swimming hole.
I got me a nice one. Not that I was a particularly a nice girl or deserving of his attentions. My girlfriends, who now like to claim that I got the last good one, didn’t initially give him a second glance. shrug It all depends on why you’re in the market.
I am I, Doctor Cathode,
a Son of the Ether,
My destiny calls and I go!
And the wild winds of fortune
Shall carry me onward … To wither so ever they blow …
Wither so ever they blow …
Onward to glory I go!
[sub]I need to get a new photo of the armor. One that shows the new helmet with faceplate, and the six-foot silver wings.[/sub]
Mjeh. Women don’t want nice guys, despite any claims to the contrary. How do I know, because I used to be an asshole!
When I was younger I was a total dick, especially to women. Very aggressive, very (verbally) abusive etc. I had absolutely no trouble getting women.
Then I realised that wasn’t who I wanted to be, so I changed. Now I am a nice guy, women are in short supply. My confidence is not lower, quite the opposite (however I am sure that my earlier aggressiveness gave the apperance of confidence), the only real difference is a more conservative physical outlook and… the fact that I’m not an asshole.
I don’t mind though. I figure that now, if I against all odds would hook up with someone, at least I can have a real relationship. With the choice between definetely having lots of shallow relationships and maybe having a serious one I’ve picked maybe. I just don’t feel any need for a relationship that isn’t serious.
My theory:
With other social animals, females go for the alfa male. Being aggressive sends that signal. Society has changed, humans have not changed with it enough (yet).
There’s plenty of nice guys, at least where I live. And with regards to cheating, I don’t think men cheat more then women. I know plenty of men that have never cheated but all the women I have asked have admitted to doing it. I think that all women cheat at one time or another, not all men do, but the men that do, they do it a lot.
When you hear about women staying with guys who hit them or cheat on them or are mean to them, that doesn’t support the idea that women want to be involved with guys who are mean to them. Rather, it supports the idea that people (of both genders) often have a hard time recognizing that a relationship is bad for them and they need to leave. It’s not just women – guys do the same thing.
However, women do seem far more likely to start dating confident and/or aggressive guys. I think it’s simple salesmanship. A guy falling all over himself to be nice to a girl he just met obviously sees her as someone he would be lucky to be with, while a guy who is cool and relaxed projects the image that he knows he’s worth dating and will easily find someone else if the current girl doesn’t work to hold his interest. Many women, especially younger women, regardless of how attractive they are don’t have high self-esteem – therefore, a guy who acts like he’s lucky to talk to her must be a loser. A guy who doesn’t seem to think she’s anything special must have something going for him.
Mind you, I think this only really holds for the initial meeting and first few dates. In a relationship, most women I’ve known would rather be with someone who is nice and romantic and thoughtful (without being a puppy dog/doormat), than someone who is a jerk. But for the initial attraction to spark, you need to show some confidence and take the lead, a quality more often held by jerks than self-described nice guys.
(All this is assuming the physical attraction is there as well – if you’re not her type physically, i.e. thin when she prefers stocky, you’re out of luck and will strike out. Move on to the next one.)
