So does this mean that you don’t have a weight requirement for a woman who doesn’t have a height requirement? Because I don’t give a damn how tall the guy is. If he’s a good guy, and he’s 4’8" tall or he’s 6’5" tall, he’s a good guy.
Damn. I’m too late.
How about this: I want a guy who doesn’t think he’s lucky to talk to me, and who doesn’t think I’m nothing special. I want one who just likes talking to me.
catsix,
dang and I was about to beg you to email me b/c I’m lucky to be talking to you. 
Giraffe,
Got some fair points there. Still doesn’t totally account for the vast majority of girls that I see with nice guy friends they won’t date.
To be honest, one does not need to be aggressive in an assholic manner to be an alpha male. Most of the time, the guys who are pushy assholes would be the guys I’d consider to be beta males that are fighting for the chance to be considered an alpha male. Alpha males tend to have a somewhat natural dominance without having to push for it… and it’s not some weird need to have control over someone.
(I’m not entirely sure if I made myself clear with that, but, hopefully I did. Just my opinion and experiences.)
Did you not notice the quote marks around the words “nice guy” or the part of the sentence which states “guys who proclaim themelves to be…”??
I’m not talking about regular guys, I’m talking about the self-proclaimed “nice guy” who fits the description already cited on the first page as follows.
Asked and answered above, I wasn’t talking about guys like you, I’m talking about the sort outlined on the “Nice guys” website, and believe me there are plenty of them.
You are aware that the above things, including sexual chemistry can be true and it can STILL not be a “love match” between two people, right? Too many of the “nice guys” are desparately ready for marriage and kids by dessert.
You’ve got a point here, there are women who love the wrong sort of man, to put it in a quick and simple explanation, they likely had abusive fathers, and try to recreate and “fix” that history by dating the cold, detached abusive men that resemble their fathers. A more in-depth (and more knowledgeable look at it than mine) can be found in “Women Who Love Too Much” by Robin Norwood.
This is also described in Robin Norwood’s book. But not every woman is discounting a “nice guy” that’s right in front of her because she has “issues”. Being a “nice guy” as I said before doesn’t automatically mean that he’s “the one” or even “A one”.
In my experience, (in reading dozens of threads like this in different forums, including SDMB), the “nice guy” seems to think (if HE’s attracted to HER, never mind if it’s mutual) “nice guy = immediate, permanent, perfect match” with no regard to compatibility etc as long as she’s reasonably attractive, preferably “hot”.
Meaning for one, that he’s expecting a women to fall for him SOLELY on the basis of him being a “nice guy” never mind what characteristics, qualities etc they have in common. For another, sorry I left out “any ole warm body” providing she’s attractive. As morrigoon mentioned, these very same “nice guys” who mightily whine that they’re being judged on THEIR looks and/or other physical attributes (too skinny, short etc) have no problems demonizing “fat chicks”.
Well, and once again, you’re not the type we’re talking about. Also, my point was that many “nice guys” think that if THEY are attracted to her, she somehow magically “should” be attracted to him, because, after all, HE, unlike a wifebeater, is a “nice guy”.
Did I ever say there weren’t? No. I said (paraphrased) self proclaimed “nice guys”. And then went on to describe the “type” I meant, of which you obviously are NOT one.
FTR, I’m dating an honest to goodness nerd AND nice guy (Star Wars nut, genious computer geek and all, AND he can dance, like to put Astaire to shame :D). And as I stated, HE’S the one not ready to commit, not the other way around.
Again, not counting the idiots who go BACK to these men, it’s not as if these guys have a sign on their forehead labeling them!
If you are in a place where young people meet, and one guy is sitting in the corner thinking “damn, all the girls ignore me, and flock to HIM, and he’s an asshole”. Well DUUUH. How is “she” whoever “she” might be, supposed to know that the guy wants her, if he stays in the corner and never interacts with the girls or asks them out etc???
So who do you think the girls are going to notice? The guy hiding in the corner nursing self-pitying thoughts? Or the guy out on the dance floor holding court?
Now, here’s the part where “nice guys” bring out their classic “OH, so I’m supposed to CHANGE just so women will deign to meet me”?
No, you don’t have to “change” but would you rather be “right”? Or have a chance at someone? You don’t have to become Joe Smarmy Lounge Lizard Extraordinaire, but there has to be SOME sort of approach (charm, attractive quality) to the women, otherwise how are they going to know the guy is even there?
GAH! Are they supposed to telepathically pick up on his “talk to MEeeee, talk to MEEE” whines going on in his head, or what?
Which brings me to the “WTF???, how come now that I’m going out with someone girls suddenly notice me” complaint (paraphrased) that you had on the first page.
Simple. You are relaxed, happy, no longer desperate. You are confident. You are fulfilled.
People always think, “well, maybe I did feel unhappy and desperate, but I know I wasn’t showing it or acting that way”. You (collective you) might think you are hiding it, but the opposite sex can smell “oh my God, I haven’t had a date in a year” from a mile away, no matter how well you think you’re hiding it.
From what he’s told me, he can’t dance to save his life… unless you count slam-dancing in a mosh pit. **
[/QUOTE]
That’s okay, I don’t think I’ll date anymore anyway. (specially if he can’t dance, sheesh!! :D)
Not sure I can find another good man who’ll come anywhere close to the “high water mark” my current boyfriend has left on my heart.
IF I ever do heal enough though, you can be sure that he (a bona fide good man) will be the model for my future dating endeavors, should my family discount my wishes of “if I EVER think about dating, again shoot me!” and I actually do decide to date again.
Well folks… all I can say is there are some nice guys out there… in fact I met mine on here after a similar (so called) Nice Guy thread… we emailed and talked on the phone, we met up 2 weeks later… now 6 happy, wonderful, fantastic months later, we’re engaged to be married next August and we cannot wait!!! We found our soulmate on here and I thank god everyday for it.
So? women are evil too. Doesn’t justify men’s evil but women are not above reproach, its not like they’re innocent victims of us evil men. And that is a handful of men you are talking about not all men.
And like others have said women are attracted to men that ignore them and their needs. I am naturally introverted, so i come across as disinterested and indiferent and several women seem to love it. its like the more i ignore them or disagree with them the more they like me. Women can be stupid and bring about their own suffering, nobody is above reproach.
I remember emailing with someone here on SDMB. she told me about how 2 of her ex-boyfriends had tried to rape her but how she would call security if a guy hit on her in a department store. Call me an asshole but if you call security if a stranger talks to you in a public place but let yourself be alone and develop an emotional investment with men who value you so little that they will try to assault you and permanently scar you emotionally then that is partially your own fault for having a poor ability to read people. Not that that justifies it though but still i think women are used to men taking responsibility for their own screw ups sometimes. Theres always some man willing to play knight in shining armor when a woman does something stupid.
So?? So what who??? What poster are you replying to? And about what?
People can’t reply and converse with your point of view if they don’t know which poster to whom you’re saying “So? Women are evil too” etc.
i choose not to say who she was because i’ve already violated her privacy by posting stuff she shared in emails. besides she doesn’t post here on SDMB anymore she quit a month or 2 ago.
Ah. miscommuniation. i was replying to the OP that men were evil.
The reason I was confused is because I didn’t see anyone in this thread saying that men are “evil”.
Generally, if you disagree with something someone has posted, you quote that portion of their post so they (and others in the thread) will know what it is that you’re disagreeing with or commenting on so that they can, in turn, respond to you.
Sorry, I hope it didn’t sound grumpy, I was thinking “Huh?” when I wrote it. Not anything bad about you. 
OH! Hmm. Well, the OP doesn’t say that. Plus (pssst the OP is a man).
The OP is just saying that there seem to be a lot of Jerks out and about in dating land lately. That’s not the same as “men are evil”.
nope canvas you didn’t sound grumpy. I dont dislike you (hope you dont dislike me for my semi-misogynous views), but the OP did say that he was basically the only good guy and that he was ashamed to be a man sometimes. I’m saying women hold some responsibility because they are attracted to jerks a good deal of the time and have poor abilities to read people.
Well you have to understand the forum. This is the pit, and when people rant, they tend to do so in over the top meant to (hopefully) be somewhat funny, or at least intriguing, ways.
I’m hope I’m not stepping on the OP’s toes, or speaking for him, but I don’t think the OP REALLY meant that he only knew two good guys. He was exaggerating for the sake of the art of ranting.
And if you read the whole thread, you’ll notice that most of the posters acknowledge that yes, some women can get caught up in the wrong sorts of relationships. But the subject of the OP is basically “how come there are so many jerks these days” NOT “men are evil”.
There’s a big difference.
IMHO? Here’s my theory…
There are a lot of JERKS out there period. Of both sexes. The reason that there are so many “men are X” and “women are Y” rants(here, in other boards and in real life) is that out of the 3 billion of each sex, at least half ARE jerks. The trouble is, that the “good” ones of each sex, tend to get with the “bad” ones of the opposite sex.
It seems like the nice ones take forever to meet each other. And then, if and when they finally do, there’s the whole “chemistry” and “the one” thing to get past too, as well as the geographic thing, the family thing, possible race thing,and I won’t complicate it by what gay people have to deal with in their dating ordeals, sheesh, maybe we should all just be celibate.
Yes they are dammit.
But that’s why I’m a member of WISOGMWAGMOHUOTM!!!
Women in search of good men who aren’t gay, married, or hung up on their mothers!!!
Eh, I just don’t want a guy who believes I’m that far above or below him.
I like equality.
Hmmmmm…
Well, I’m a “statistic” (my ex-husband had an affair and left me for his girlfriend, for which I divorced him), and while I’ll acknowledge the fact that there are women who cheat also (more on that in a moment), to the guy who said ALL women cheat at some point, fuck you!
I’ve never cheated on anyone, ever. I had several relationships (monogamous, one man at a time) before my ex-husband, and I didn’t cheat on ANYONE. With the exception of my husband, to the best of my knowledge my past boyfriends didn’t cheat on me, and they didn’t try to rape me, hit me or emotionally abuse me. One came close to that last in the sense that he criticized me a lot, but I ended the relationship because of it: “If you think all these things are wrong with me, then there’s no point in your staying with me, so goodbye,” I told him, and that was the end of it. Of course, I could do no wrong after that; he called me constantly for four months apologizing and trying to get me back, but I wouldn’t hear of it. But on the whole, with the exception of my former husband, I don’t consider that all the men I dated were assholes nor do I harbor any hostility against them – the relationships ended because ultimately we weren’t long-term compatible for intellectual and emotional reasons. Just because you’re not compatible with someone doesn’t make him a jerk.
Now, to the OP, yes, there’s a “nice guy” I know. He’s the one I’m dating now, and I want to keep him. Not only does he have more in common with me than any other man I’d been with before, but he’s wickedly intelligent (a mechanical designer/computer genius nerd), a master of twisted and sarcastic humor (which I love) who also appreciates my own “twistedness” and he’s so hot in bed I can’t believe it. And it sure doesn’t hurt that he likes Star Trek. 
Why’s he such a “nice guy” though? It’s more than the facts that he doesn’t hit me, cheat on me or emotionally abuse me. It’s because in addition to making me so happy with his presence, he also does things which make my life so much easier; fixing things, moving heavy stuff, finding me stuff I need for cheap or even just surprising me with it (when my VCR died as I put on a movie for us to watch, he tried to fix it but when he discovered the motor was dead, he bought me a new VCR, and he also surprised me with a laptop computer compatible with the one on my desk, which is an older Mac I love). He just automatically does things like this. Although I don’t classify my exes (except for, obviously, the cheating asshole I was married to) as turds, I’ve never had THIS kind of “nice guy” before. Strong female opinion for you here, OP and all others who think women only want to date assholes: NICE GUYS ARE NOT BORING, THEY’RE WONDERFUL!!!
On the subject of women who cheat (yes, as I said before, I know there are women who do even though I’m not one of them) – and also to the idea of differentiating “nice guys” from “doormats” – I’m thinking my own Nice Guy was a doormat in his last relationship. Personally, cheating is something that not only don’t I do, but won’t tolerate or forgive either. My boyfriend’s former girlfriend cheated on him a few years into their relationship, though he never once at any time cheated on her. He didn’t leave her when he found out about it (and on top of that, he was being, and continued to be, the same kind of “nice guy” to her as he is to me, if not more so: she had a number of medical issues I don’t have). When he told me about this, I was shocked when he told me they’d “worked it out.” They were together for a total of ten years, and it ended when he actually caught her in the act of making out with another man right in his house! Thank heavens this time he had the sense to throw her out. Well, dammit, I am smart enough to appreciate him, to SHOW him my appreciation (I go all out to spoil him rotten to the best of my ability), and even the IDEA of being with another guy is enough to nauseate me.
Um…**DTWolf/B] … “irregardless of topic.”
I almost feel bad about this, but despite being a golden-rule-following ‘nice guy’ myself I have this Quixotic (pronounce it however you want) compulsion to stamp out the linguistic abomination, “irregardless.”
Choose “irrespective” or “regardless,” but don’t breed the two words.
There are lots of decent men out there, and lots of decent women.
It’s just that there are often other reasons a relationship wouldn’t work out, other than one person being a jerk.
For instance, I have no problem getting dates. I’m a good dancer, I’ve got a nice looking face, I’m told I’m fun and imaginative, and I’ve got art/guitar/drums/martial arts skills.
Unfortunately I go through cycles where I’ll be a great boyfriend for months, and then all of a sudden completely ignore my girlfriend. I don’t want to do it. I just can’t help it.
If we get past that, we’ll be great for a few more months. But then… ignoring time again. Nobody ever breaks up with me for some reason, which lends evidence to the case that women are attracted to people that withdraw from them.
I eventually break up with them, and worst of all I will do it by just leaving, and not contacting them anymore. If I see them around somewhere, I might not even acknowledge their existence.
Actually, now that I type this out I guess I might be in the jerk category myself… But I guess the point I am making is that women might be staying with someone like me, who turns out to be a jerk (or a mental case), because they are in fact really great at times, making it tempting to ride out that bad times and perhaps try to help them with their problems.
I hope you know I was joking dorlin. Playing the loser nice guy that so many people are throwing around in here. That’s why the tongue face
CanvasShoes,
I’m sorry if I you were stating that only a particular nice guy was a pain in the ass, but it really sounded to me like you were making a general statement. Plus there were comments worth rebutting anyway. The last paragraph about how there is nice guys out there who aren’t losers was directed more at the thread then anything you said. I should have clarified that.