Zounds, I say! Zounds! A nudist, in our posh surroundings? Well, that won’t do. I have already commanded the guards to capture that rapscallion, and rest assured he will get what is coming to him. In the meantime, fetch a set of smelling salts and a fainting couch for Lady Juniper!
Now that that…unpleasantness…has been taken care of, I am pleased to announce the start of our evening festivities! First, allow me to introduce the newest additions to our fine Society:
-Lord Tobias Appleford IX, your request for entry has been granted, and we are pleased to have you!
-Flutterwick Obsidiastonvetter is more than welcome to join in the dueling, as we are a progressive society which prides itself on its equal treatment of the sexes. Though all women’s duels will be confined to the Official Society Jell-o Pit, and any participants must don the ceremonial Thong of St. Aspos. We would not want to go against the rules, after all.
-Manservant Stevius P. Wrightingford shall from here on be available for any of your baggage-carrying needs.
-The Well-renowned Fairy Chattingberg Momfert should be very pleased to see that persifage does, in fact, flow like water here in the halls of humble Mt. Jestington, and I must say I am honored to be able to choose a monicker for one as titled as yourself.
-Lord Bosduffington Chintilly of Tricor must please be patient with me, and realize that I meant no disrespect in not answering his questions posthaste. I simply wanted to check the official charter. And, as I suspected, we here are more than welcome to release the hounds on whomever we see fit. We are, after all, high society, and therefore not limited to following any of the poor man’s rules.
-Throckmorton Quincey Bank-Holiday Smithe IV may type in whatever color of font he deems fit, but would be advised that no man with any guff would dare to type too boldly in royal blue. We would not, after all, want to look as though we are bragging. Instead, we must make sure that there is no question that we are bragging. More efficient that way.
-Sassingbeth Witherford would do well to not be mentioning the practice of witchcraft in the presence of such nobility as this Society has in its membership, less some of our members with weaker constitutions become flustered.
-Lastly but not leastly, Lammiatica Fishingsworth Portabello joins the ranks of the Debu-pants, which seems to be quite the popular facet of our population here in the Society. Ah, well, the more the merrier, as I always say! After all, the more people, the more gossip.
And now, in honor of our second day as the creme de la creme of the SDMB Crop, I am pleased to announce toniht’s festivities here at Ye Olde SDMB Society of Fancy-Pantses and Debutantes!
A ball, held upstairs in the luxurious ballroom of Mt. Jestington will be open to all members and any companions they wish to bring. It will, of course, be a masquerade, and posh costumes are expected. Everyone is expected to give the impression of levity and fun, while at the same time sniping wittily behind the backs of their compatriots.
But first, to open the ball, I am happy to say that that scoundrel iampunha has been caught, and clothed, and imprisoned! Never one to let a good peon go to waste, I have decided that the pre-masquerade party will feature a new event here at the Society: Bear Baiting! Watch as iampunha, our newly aquired scapegoat for all that is wrong with our fine country, is matched against swampbear in a battle royal out in the dueling square! Watch up close from the stands, or at a distance from the Grand Tea Room! Either way, the event begins promptly at 9 of the clock! Dress is formal attire, please.
Enjoy your evening, one and all!
*Toasting to the Long Life of this Fine Society, and Secretly Hoping That Someone May Do Something Worthy of Dueling Over So That He May Break Out His Prized Slapping Glove, But For Now Heading to the Dueling Ring for the Bear Baiting and Masquerade,
Sir Jestington Q. Pennywhistle, Esq.
Founder, Ye Olde SDMB Society of Fancy-Pantses and Debutantes
