There’s this guy. He’s currently my favorite TV personality. Smart as a whip, funny as hell. He’s soooo gay! Every single “gay vibe” synapse in my being screams “gay, gay, gay!” Yet every so often they drag out the wife.
I’m not talking stereotypically Liberace gay, Ru Paul gay or Christopher Lowell gay. Just gay.
I know very well there are lots of people who are gay that don’t fit any stereotype. I know that. Sometimes you encounter someone who is just gay. They HAVE to be. Or not?
How “gay” can you be & not actually be gay? There has to be a point where you just say “dude, you’re gay.” Where’s that point? Please don’t get crude & bring up specific sex acts. I’m asking about people you know that just have to be gay. They just have to. No?
I can think of a few guys that “scream” gay to some folks and not others. I can think of a few that probably seem gay to everyone, including me, but aren’t.
I’ve argued with one of my students over whether Professor X is or isn’t gay. She’s convinced he is, I know he isn’t. She’s not the first to be convinced of his gayness, but they guy is straight. Some mannerisms could be interpreted as effeminate, perhaps, but he never set off my gaydar.
A tv personality over here, who’s name probably won’t mean much to you, (unless you get BBC America, maybe) is Lawrence Llewellyn Bown, a camp, flamboyant interior designer. Maybe much of it is put on for the cameras, but yes, he’d put many camp gays to shame. He claims that it’s always been the same, even pre-tv career. He also said he felt is was an asset in getting girl friends - he could get close to them, and then “pounce”. I recall him being described in an interview as the “gayest straight man I know” by another tv/radio celebrity, Jonathan Ross. Mr Ross, IIRC, considered himself the second gayest straight man he knew.
I think a person can seem pretty darn “gay” and not be gay.
So a guy decides to act the way that comes naturally to him and not adopt a studied manliness to come better into line with the incredibly narrow set of acceptable male behaviors in our society…does that make him gay?
If you’re going to talk about “sensing someone is gay” vs. “someone is acting gay” then it seems reasonable to talk about a baseline, since they are two different things.
During the holidays, my father asked whether a friend of mine might be gay. He said it had never occurred to him before, but he’d never seen him with a girlfriend, etc. Now I’d also considered the possibility, but as he’s not chosen to bring up the subject, I don’t see that it’s any of my business.
The world can sometimes be a tough place for gay people. Whatever this person is, gay or straight, what does it matter?
If the guy says he’s straight, he’s staight. Should he take a lie dector test to prove something? And if he’s gay, maybe he’ll come out someday. But it really should be his decision.
Gays and Lesbians can’t win. If we come out, we’re flamboyant, and throwing it in straight peoples faces. If we stay in the closet, we’re dishonest.
Well, that’s true, Esprix, but I figure if a friend is not comfortable in sharing their sexuality (and who knows, maybe he’s just painfully shy; he’s always been relucant to share deep, dark secrets), then he’s probably not keen to be fixed up.
