Yelling Myths at the Internet

[Dave_Hartwick]

http://bettermyths.com

Some college student retells a bunch of myths and fairy tales like an excitable chat addict. I figure somebody must’ve already talked about it here but didn’t find it on my first try so yeah. Sweary, which I like, but I’ll censor the quotes.

i’ll tell you what it is
it is all of bluebeard’s DEAD EX-WIVES
HE MURDERED THEM AND PUT THEM IN A CLOSET
AND KEPT THEM THERE FOR YEARS PROBABLY
THEY MUST BE GETTING PRETTY RIPE BY NOW
NOT THAT IT MATTERS
BECAUSE REALLY THE MAIN PROBLEM IS JUST THAT HE HAS A CLOSET FULL OF MURDER
I DON’T CARE HOW MINTY FRESH YOUR MURDERCLOSET SMELLS
IT IS STILL A MURDERCLOSET
THESE ARE WORDS TO LIVE BY

In Which The Color Of This Dude’s Beard Is Not Actually Very Important

see this is what america is all about
you can wrestle a thousand bears
and chew on a billion knives
but in the end
unless you have a competent sidekick to back you up
you are going to die of a gunshot wound while screwing a coyote

Pecos Bill more like Pecos AWESOME

[Kimstu]

Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

[…] so these criminals just waltz right in
and they’re like hey king
we are really great super legitimate tailors
like with the clothes-making and whatnot […]

but my point is
that if you buy clothes that are only visible to cool people
you are going to look like a crazy naked dude about NINETY PERCENT OF THE TIME
and it doesn’t matter how cool the other ten percent of people think you are
because for the average guy on the street
you are that dude who just pimp-strutted out of the 7-11 with his balls flapping in the breeze
I mean okay I guess you could pull it off with the right amount of swagger
but my friends
i do not think there is enough swagger on a whole dumptruck full of cowboys
to make a pasty fashion obsessed king look cool with his wibblies out

[Bryan_Ekers]

Murdercloset, that’s perfect - I was going nuts trying to think up a name for my… uhm, err… nothing.