…man, that’s one ate-up attitude on the part of the co-worker
Buliwyf, the meaning of “priceless” had been stolen from us by overuse. If only there were any way possible in the universe to thank Montana for reminding us of it…
She’s a gorgeous baby - don’t ever let anything happen to that picture! Make copies!
HOW could this be upsetting?
Well, yeah, OK - when my sister died I learned some people think we should pretend the dead never existed. What sorry fucks they are.
She was your daughter… your child. There is no pain greater than losing a child, and it doesn’t matter if they’re 30 years old, 30 days old, 30 minutes old, 30 seconds old…
I’m glad you did get to hold her in your arms and say goodbye.
Your daughter is beautiful and the only thing that was offensive in your office today was your cow-orker. People like that make me sick.
Buddy,
In 1996, my first child was stillborn–delivered by C-section less than a week before his due date. He was a beautiful boy; he looked just like me.
I couldn’t finish reading your post; it was killing me–in fact, I’m trying to make this fast before I’m overcome by tears and rage. I know your pain, I know your rage, and I also know that there’s absolutely nothing I can say to help–I just want you and your wife to hang in there. It never goes away, but life does get better. Eventually. Even still, I can’t talk about it and this is probably the first time I’ve ever written even a little bit about it.
But you can make it. You can deal with the assholes (it’s amazing, ain’t it, how many assholes there are?). Just love your wife and you can do it.
Hang in there,
John
(In 1997, my second child was born. He also looks like me, he’s six now, and I’m going to hit “Submit Reply” before I start crying, and go hug him no matter how much he protests.)
She was beautiful. I’m sorry your coworker is a fucking piece of shit. He’ll get his one day. Much love to you and your wife.
My God. How could ANYBODY be that insensitive? She’s beautiful. I’m so sorry you didn’t get to know her for longer than you did.
I’m glad the picture is staying where it is.
I see you have been graced by the presence of the World’s Biggest Asshat. I thought that I had the lock on the WBA, but I stand corrected. BTW, your daughter is beautiful. It’s too bad your fucktard coworker has the empathy of a brick.
Buliwyf, what an adorable, beautiful baby. My heart goes out to you, and to the other bereaved parents and family members in this thread.
Best,
karol
Yep. Cute as a button alright. Was she your first? If so, there’ll be others, I’m sure. As I’m sure you’ll never forget Montana as long as you live. My mom had two stillbirths before she had me. She was 42. Had they given up, I wouldn’t be here typing this to you. Time heals all wounds: nothing says it makes them disappear for ever.
Montana, your lovely wife and you are in my thoughts tonight.
A fellow Canuck. 
Buliywf, she’s absolutely beautiful. My fondest wishes to you all.
Oh my lord. Buliwyf, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for your pain, and I’m sorry you had to hear such things from a co-worker. I’ll light a candle for you and your wife, and for your beautiful baby girl. Thank you for sharing that picture. I have tears in my eyes now just typing this.
Fuck that insensitive shit-stain you work with. Whatever they may say or think, it has nothing to do with you- it’s just them showing the world what a complete waste of vital organs they are. Nothing can ever take away the love you feel for your daughter, or erase the memory of her smiling face. She is beautiful, and she is waiting for you- hold on to that.
BTW, Montana looks just like any other newborn baby- lovely, sleepy, and smiling. Did your co-worker know of your loss, and that’s why he/she/it said something to you? Because there is no earthly way anyone could tell otherwise. So knowing of your obvious pain and suffering, this person what? Just didn’t care? Felt the need to empty out on you their own inner disease? There aren’t words bad enough to describe a person like this. I’m so sorry. Please just ignore this person in future. They aren’t worth one second of your (or anyone else’s) time.
Stay strong, Buliwyf. The children on their way will need you, and you will make a wonderful father to them. I’m so glad you shared this with us. Montana will live in all our hearts now, and maybe everyone who’s reading this will be just a little bit better off simply because of her. Hugs to your and your wife. Sunlight on your road.
She’s beautiful Buliwyf. She looks like a sleeping angel and it brought tears to my eyes. The coworker is a soul-less (sp?)moron. Shame on him.
I knew I was going to lose it before I even looked at her picture, and sure enough I did. How in God’s name can that sweet little gift from God offend?
And you know what? From here I can see my son’s newborn picture, and they look remarkably alike. Even though my son was born alive. So, once again, how in God’s name can anyone be offended?
See, it’s all about this “feelings” crap that’s been going on since about the late 80’s. I “feel” that I don’t know how to deal with your loss so I “feel” like I just have to ignore it but how can I do that when I have to come into your office and see something I don’t “feel” like I can deal with. People have taken the Oprah and Dr. Phil philosophy way too far. Because, see, no one gives a shit how you “feel”. If you find it offensive, God knows how, then don’t fuckin look!
Jesus, what did that fuck expect you to do? Toss your treasure into the trash and ask for forgiveness for making him/her “feel” bad? Apologize to him/her because your baby died?
By the way, she looks to me like she’s singing.
God bless you and your wife, Buliwyf, and I hope someday Montana has a little brother or sister.
I’m trying very hard to not get angry, because that probably isn’t the most helpful thing to you right now, Buliwyf.
Sorry, didn’t work.
How the hell does any cow-orker or casual passer-by assume the right to pass judgement on who, how or why you love? This twittering, vicious fool wouldn’t be justified in belittling bowling trophies if you chose to have them on your desk. None of her damned business. I kept a picture of my father on my desk long after his death. It was comforting. His life ended, but his memory and legacy didn’t. Does this hateful fool do rounds, checking for death certificates on every desk photo for her personal “creep” factor?
You love, honor and remember your baby Montana. She was a gift, a huge gift, of heart. Your sweet daughter couldn’t survive here, but she’s still a part of you.
I’m wishing you and your wife comfort and peace, Buliwyf.
Veb
I wanted to pop in and tell you that I share the outrage that everyone else feels. What a complete boor your cow-orker was, to say that to you.
But I also wanted to tell you that Montana is a pretty, pretty baby. What a lovely picture. Thanks for sharing it with us.
Exactly. That’s the thing I think some people can’t grasp—that remembering the ones we lose is a way of keeping them alive in our heart. The thing we most want to do after losing someone is to remember them—often by talking about them, keeping pictures of them on display, and so forth. It is theraputic. And important.
I have a large photography site, and I made a special “tribute” page for my late father, since he was a great photographer and a huge inspiration to me. People comment on my dad’s special page, and say kind things like, “He sounds like a great dad.” Years after his death, he is (just a little) touching other people’s lives, because I put up his picture and wrote a little bit about him. Can you imagine how that makes me feel, that people write to me about him, that he is (just a little bit) touching other people’s lives? Great, that’s how it makes me feel.
Buliwyf, showing your daughter’s picture is a beautiful thing. We all enjoyed seeing the picture, and we were touched by her, just a little. So thanks for sharing her with us. I pity the poor stick-up-their-butt people who can’t grasp the beauty in this.
I lost my first child in 1994, and kept a picture of him in my cubicle. Several cow-orkers wanted to know when I was going to bring him to work, and I had to explain that he’d died. Which was bad enough, but it led to all kinds of nasty rumors. When I was told about these rumors, I felt like I’d been socked right in the gut. I could not believe that people could make stuff like that up; to elevate themselves using another’s pain. Fortunately, the company saw it as I did; some of the individuals involved were fired. The sad thing is, none of them knew me. They could’ve walked right past me in the corridor and never even knew it was me they were spreading this vicious bullshit about.
I still keep a picture of Andrew on my bulletin board at home. I take great comfort in it, and great pleasure in knowing that he’s got a younger brother.
Buliwyf, my e-mail’s below, if you’d like to e-mail.
Robin
Your daughter Montana is beautiful. My heart goes out to you and your wife.
May strength and love be with you.
Beautiful child. And I would have asked the jerk “Just because she was stillborn, it doesn’t mean she never was.” Are people to hide photos of everyone who died?
I’m sorry, Buliwyf. Unfortunately, assholes are everywhere, even in YK.
not trying to offend or excuse, please don’t jump down my throat
Maybe it’s not pictures of dead people, but of people who were dead when the pictures were taken? It’s not like you had years of pictures of her the way I do of my dad, so the last thing I’d have done was take a picture of him after he died. The asshat in question could think this was a Strange and Weird Thing To Do. Though it is most definitely NOT! You want to remember her! And since except in occasional dreams I’ve forgotten exactly the sound of my dad’s voice, I’m glad I HAVE pictures.
However, regardless of what the asshat thought, there is a time for keeping your mouth shut. This would be one of them. Jerk.
I bet if somebody in the office lost a pet the first thing the asshat would say was, “It was only a dog, you can get another.” Grrrrrrrr…