Your daughter, indeed, instills more peace and serenity in you than I can imagine. I don’t think I could be trusted to be in the same vicinity as that prick.
I wish you and your family all the best. My heart goes out to you.
Buliywf, can you tell us what happened to the insenstive fuckfoon? Did the higher-ups jackslap him around? Has he apologized? Have you shared this incident with your colleagues to they can begin the shun and ostracize him and hopefully make him quit?
There’s more than one way to skin a cat. It doesn’t have to be “official.”
Sorry, I didn’t realize this was a two page thread. Please let us know on Monday what happens.
And your serenity is making me a bit ashamed over my earlier ranting post. What a true miracle worker Montana is. Just know you are the better person than your cow-orker…you will always be Montana’s daddy.
Buliywf Thank you for sharing that picture of your lovely wife and baby, it is beautiful and I am not disturbed by it in the least. It did bring tears to my eyes while prompting me to give silent thanks for the children I have while mourning just a little for the children I conceived but never carried to term.
I don’t know what is wrong with your coworker to make him act in such an insensitive manner but it is my sincere wish that he comes to realize how inappropriate his remarks were and finds the courage to ask for forgiveness from you, your wife and the memory of your precious child.
May you find peace as well.
She is absolutely gorgeous. Forgive me for this, but I thought that it may have been possible to mount some sort of defense for your co-worker, however feeble it may have been. Then I looked at the picture and thought, what kind of insensitive moron could possibly be offended by this. A beautiful, beautiful baby.
You have my sincerest condolences.
Primaflora,
I am so very sorry that your son isn’t with you, I wanted to let you know and anyone else that is interested that there are several people that can restore photos of your angel, there is one lady that will do it for no charge. There is also a site that offers portraits painted from pictures, but I cannot find the link. I myself have lost 3 babies (at 5, 7 and 11 weeks) and I wish I had thought to ask for the ultrasound image of my babies, even if their little hearts had ceased beating. I am fairly new, so I will try to post the links:
http://www.deannaroy.com/funprints/angel_babies.htm
http://www.babyphotoretouch.com/
Please know that there are photos of angel babies on the site, so do not look if it offends you. I am currently making a scrapbook for a friend that lost her daughter at full term and she wants the photos re-touched. I hope this is ok to share here. I can’t find the link for the portrait site, but will list it when I can.
Margo
I thought about it for a long time before I worked up the nerve to look at her picture.
She is simply gorgeous. And you’re a good dad.
Buliwyf, you are a wonderful man, and a loving husband and father.
I am so glad to have shared a little of Montana, and what she means to you. She is indeed a beautiful little girl, and it’s so nice that you have that memento of her.
Don’t think you lost anything to your co-worker, you rose above it and gave all of us something special.
Thank you
personal note
My little sister died when she was 12 hours old, the day before my 4th birthday. Sadly, my parents have only 3 photos of her, polaroids from the NICU. You can hardly see her because of all the equipment.
They’re not on public display as my mother finds it too upsetting to be reminded of how much Amy suffered, but is is in her scrapbook with her birth certificate, hand prints and a lock of her hair, beside all of our baby scrapbooks.
My parents will be visiting her grave on her birthday next week, and next Sunday the flowers in their church will be in her memory.
She will be 17.
Thank you for allowing me a little time to remember her today.
Well said, broomstick.
Oh fuck off.
Irishgirl, just FYI, Polaroid pictures deteroriate over time. I know it’s painful for your mom, but maybe you can see if she’d be willing to let a professional archive them properly.
Co-worker must have issues the size of Mount Rushmore.
Is it possible that his wife is pregnant, or unable to get pregnant, and that’s why his radar is sharp enough for Montana’s photo to seem prominent to him?
Broomstick, that was very well said. I often do not have much patience with an individual who would hold such an opinion.
Buliwyf - Montana is beautiful! I’m so sorry for your grief and I know your heart is broken. Contrary to the statement that time heals all wounds, I haven’t found that to be true. Some heartbreaks don’t completely heal. But, somehow, the blessings of having a little angel will be given to you throughout your life. There will be many of them and they will come when you when you least expect it.
I have my grandson’s picture on my desk, too. I talk about him often as I do his little sister, Camden, and his newborn baby sister, Avrey, who was born 13 days ago. I cried when I saw Montana’s picture. I can imagine how much you love her. Don’t hide her away. It’s okay to keep her in your life. Always.
God bless.
“…a pit thread full of so much love”
I guess that’s why I like it here.
Mr. & Mrs. B., my little voice is in with the consensus, your grief is your own, and how you deal with it is your business.
I’d say be brave and be strong, but you’ve already shown that you are.
–Alan Q
how bizarre. most everyone is fuming with anger here. they are so mad the coworker was lacking compassion, but in the same breath the coworker was called “shit-stain, asshole, irredeemable asshole, insensitive speck of shit, ass hat” etc etc and even picked up a few threatsfor his physical safety.
Most of you have no compassion for the coworker, but he is an asshole since you figure he isn’t showing adequate compassion for Buliwyf.
What about seeing this coworker as tactful enough to ACTUALLY tell Buliwyf to his face, and not just complain at about the picture by the water cooler.
What about seeing this co worker as emotionally fragile. someone who has not come to terms with mortality. What if he had a stillborn of his own?
But no. I suppose he doesn’t deserve any compassion. Let the name calling continue.
The coworker is being judged on his actions, Mith. If he has a situation like you described above, and that situation is revealed and gives context to his remarks, I expect the general opinion of him will change. But without that unlikely event of context being added…
And there are other options than telling someone to their face or telling them behind their back. Such as keeping an inconsiderate or hurtful opinion private.
Buliwyf, she’s beautiful. I’m very moved by your posts, so I don’t know if I’m writing coherently now. I hope you’re able to sort things out with this co-worker - maybe they will learn something from this. If they can’t, well, too bad for them.
You hear some pretty fucked up things in the Pit, but this one is too fucked up for words. I looked at that picture and my own cow-orkers are soon going to wonder what I’m crying about.
Your coworker goes through life demanding to be killed, it would seem. One hopes that demand is met before too much longer.
Your daughter is beautiful.
This thread has really made me wonder if I’ve ever said or done anything as insensitive as your coworker regarding this type of situation. I was thinking about a situation that arose last year when a student of mine wrote her mother’s name on a Contact Information sheet for the school. When I called the home to ask for a routine conference with her mother, I was told her mother died that previous year. I had a word with the older sister and as gently as I could asked her to explain to the daughter that honouring her mother and putting her name on current school forms didn’t have to be equal. I see now how insensitive that must have been.
Another time a student referred to her twin sister all the time. When I inquired after her sister at a ball game in front of the mom, the mom told me, “She doesn’t have a sister.” After further probing it turned out the girl had been born a twin, but the twin had died. It seemed to disturb the mom much more than it did me, but looking back I’m still wondering if I handled it well.
I’ll certainly be more vigilant of this in the future.