Today is the shortest day of the whole year. Unless it was yesterday that was the shortest. Either way, today is pretty darned short. If you want to look at it in a more “the glass is half full” sort of way, it’s the longest night (or the second longest), so rest up. Unless you have a Significant Other at hand, then use the Longest Night of the Year however you want. Since it’s a School Night though, you’ll probably just rest up. It’s all up to you. I’m sure you’ll make the best decision on your own.
But isn’t that weird? Just yesterday it was Fall. No matter how much snow you’ve had to shovel. Or not, depending where you live. (Oh, all you Southern Hemispherians? This whole thing is obviously Rue-centric, so it’s all wrong for You People. I know how you all celebrate Christmas in cut-off shorts and halter tops (even the girls!) so you don’t have to tell me how it’s Summer now, not Winter. I don’t want to hear it anyway.) But now, the Sun drifts as far south as it’s going and it turns around and we have a whole new season. It’s still going to be cold, I mean it is Winter now, but it’s a spiffy new season. And soon a spiffy new year. But that’s not this week, so we don’t have to even think of it right now. Right now we’re concentrating on the new season. Winter.
Winter is just chock full of tradition and stuff. I mean there’s the traditional Flipping of the Mattress. But you all knew about that. How on the Solstices you’re supposed to flip your mattresses and on the Equinoxes your supposed to turn them. (Unless you sleep on a futon, then just fluff it up or something. And if you sleep on a waterbed, you could just slosh around on it some, you don’t have to flip a waterbed. But you should “burp” it. Whatcha waitin’ for? Christmas?) And if you’ve been really good in the last three months, the Porn Fairy will leave pictures of naked people in magazine form under your mattress. No? My mom didn’t buy that either. You’d think she would since it’s a Hallowed Tradition, the Porn Fairy and Mattress Day.
I’m half-surprised there aren’t Mattress Day specials on TV. Those classic Rankin Bass stop-motion jobbies that just never get old. I’d think Hermie the Elf would show up just to teach Rudolph the True Meaning of Mattress Day. And if anyone knows their porn, it would be that Elf, Hermie. Or “Herbie” the Elf (not that I’m going to get in the middle of that argument again) if you prefer.
So join in with your neighbors, hand in hand in the spirit of the season, and sing those Mattress Carols we all know and love.
Also, in a possibly unrealated story, today is 12/22. You know what that means. It’s Scout’s birthday! Yay! So we should all wish Our Own Scout a Merry Nativity and a Festive Year. And not just the tail end of this calendar year either. I mean a whole year that winds up on her birthday next year.
-Rue.
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