Some apologies for yet another post (but this is, after all Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share) on a theme often occurring on Net message boards, on which – as is well known – the introverted / not highly sociable / socially non-adept, tend to feature prominently. I fall, for sure, in all categories just referenced.
An experience this morning: was standing at my local bus stop, waiting for the bus into town, reading my book. Was approached by a rather odd-looking, youngish guy (I’m male and in my late 60s, by the way – no seeking of sexual hook-ups obviously in the picture here). He was highly-verbal without being very articulate; started off by – if I picked up rightly – asking me (not insistently) for a small amount of money; then moved on into chatting about this and that, including asking what my book was about. He basically went on to “beset” me for about ten minutes – the bus was a long time coming – blathering somewhat confusedly, and enquiring about assorted matters. Finally, he seemingly recognised a crony of his who had arrived at the bus stop, and mercifully transferred his attention from me, to the crony.
I resented this guy’s button-holing me in this way – in which I’m aware that I’m not alone in all the human race: have seen many people who feel the way I do here, opining on message boards to the effect that “we have no obligation to provide free entertainment in the shape of conversation / target-listening, for these random dorks”. However – I held back from outright telling him to fuck off: both selfishly (such reactions are liable to progress / escalate nastily), plus at least vestigial feelings, “good people ought to behave charitably”. Thus, marginal civility to the guy – a lot of saying of bored “yes, yes”, and trying now and again to latch on to the stuff he spouted – while wishing the jerk dead and in hell (and feeling guilty for feeling that way).
It’s difficult, I feel, for those of us who are not naturally sociable; but are neither stone-cold bastards (prepared to deal with possible consequences of their bastardly behaviour), nor saints. Perhaps sociability should be a higher priority, and kids should be discouraged from “fading out solo with a book” – anyway, it’s all been discussed ad infinitum many times already – however, as above, this is MPSIMS.
While people can change from being introvert to extrovert and the other way around, it seems that we are strongly geared towards one or the other early on. The definition I prefer is that extroverts need contact with people in order to recharge their batteries and introverts need solitude.
You might have helped an inarticulate extrovert recharge his batteries. Sorry you had to suffer.
First asking you for money, then rambling incoherently about various subjects, despite the fact that you were clearly not interested in talking to him?
He was high.
He wasn’t behaving within the usual norms of human interaction, and you had no obligation to interact with him. Introversion or extroversion doesn’t even enter into it. As I said, he was high. My approach would have been to simply ignore him and move to the other side of the street, or whatever distance necessary to get away.
I have enough trouble understanding how to deal with normal, sober people. If someone is drunk or high, I don’t even want to begin figuring them out
No, kids should not be encouraged to interact more with drunks, drug addicts or weird people. They’ll end up either mugged, or with some very bad friends.
Either way, OP, I don’t think the issue here is being introverted. The issue here is being button-holed by someone who was drunk, high, and/or mentally ill.
Tough to escape that situation when you’re at your bus stop. I go with sunglasses, resting bitch face, and pretending not to speak English.
He didn’t seem drunk; and drugs didn’t occur to me – they are a part of life to which I tend to be oblivious. A bit odd in the head: that was clear enough.
It can be a little irritating to think that if one behaved this way oneself, a lot of one’s “victims” would respond with angry and profane hostility – one of the reasons why most people don’t approach strangers out of the blue and start talking at them. Maybe the more mentally together button-holers reckon with this factor, and accept it, as part of the cost of being sociable?
Get some earphones, put them in your ears and run the end into your coat pockets. If anyone you don’t fancy tries to strike up a conversation, just ignore the. Like your music is on really loud.
Problem solved, introvert saved form onerous interaction, no muss, no fuss!
