I want to write out what my family is dealing with right now at my son’s school. I know it’s long and probably boring but I have to write it all out.
My son is autistic. He’s a bit socially delayed. When he was six he was brutally raped. He went through trauma therapy. They pronounced him cured about a year later and despite some anxiety everything was okay.
In seventh grade another student sexually assaulted him in the bathroom at school, only he wasn’t clued in on sex enough to know that it was a sexual assault. The other student grabbed him between the legs and wouldn’t stop or let him go. My son didn’t understand what was happening. He just thought the boy was being mean. He didn’t tell anyone because my son is very shy and passive and thought he might get in trouble for tattling. That’s how it works ya know? You tell on someone and you get called a tattle tale.
So my son never told me about this and I guess maybe didn’t put much thought in to it because the boy left the school a few weeks after it happened. It was just another bad memory for my son.
Only about a month ago this kid shows up at my son’s new school. And my son now understands what happened to him and it all came back to him in a flood of terror. He had a panic attack that day. He told his teacher exactly what happened. I wasn’t even called. My son came home that day and broke down again, telling me what happened. My first instinct was to contact the teacher and ask what could be done. This is an elective class, choir. It’s my son’s most favorite class. There is only one choir class. She said “if I didn’t see it happen nothing can be done about it”.
So I wrote to the guidance counselor and asked my son to also go to the guidance counselor. Again I was told “if we didn’t see it happen nothing can be done”. Meanwhile the kid is laughing and telling other students about how he’s sexually assaulted several of the students. My son found out another girl in class was also a victim. He then found out another friend not in the class was also sexually assaulted by him. I finally reached a point where I insisted something MUST be done. And their solution was to offer to let my son finish the school year in art class instead.
To me this is unacceptable. I am not forcing my kid to leave a class he loves when he’s the victim here. They agree to make the other student sign a “no contact contract” where he is not allowed to talk to my son. But he still looks at him, LEERS at him. One day my son couldn’t take it and told his friend in the class he was going to have to leave. She BEGGED him to stay because she said “you’re my only buffer!” She told her parents. Their solution was “ignore him and he’ll stop”. He’ll stop grabbing her between the legs and joking about it with the other boys. That’s their solution. “Boys will be boys” after all.
About a week ago my son went to a birthday party with an old friend he went to school with back when all this happened. He hasn’t had much contact so he didn’t know this, but this friend’s parents had to take a restraining order against this student after he not only sexually assaulted her, but sent her threatening messages saying he was going to kill her and himself. And that’s why he came to my son’s new school, because he was kicked out of the old one.
But my son’s counselor, teacher, and principal all say there’s nothing they can do about him. I’m thinking they just don’t give a shit. They MUST not give a shit. So Monday I have an appointment with the district administration, not sure who I’ll be speaking with, but something is going to HAPPEN. I don’t know if I’ll end up taking my son out of school. It’s the only school in the district so I’ll have to homeschool. I can’t move. I won’t stop until something is done to keep my son safe though. And I mean that’s my top concern but what about those other kids who are left behind at the school still getting assaulted and harassed while the adults refuse to listen to their complaints?
This is the kind of thing I think leads to school violence. The adults are not listening to the kids. They’re chalking it up to “teen angst”. They’re not listening. I’m going to listen to my son but what about the other kids? What if this boy decides to act on the violent threats he’s made? What if one of the victims can’t take the pain anymore?