My mother-in-law is a psychotic witch. I am not talking about normal mother-in-law issues. She is the only person I have ever had to look up the issues involved in reporting someone to child services or getting them committed. If I go to hell it will be because we didn’t force the issue and take custody of my brother and sister-in-laws. My sister-in-law is finally turning 18 and will be moving out of the house this summer. Up until now we have had to deal with the M-i-L in order see the wife’s brother and sister.
Two of the more memorable memories:
A couple of months after me and the Bartwoman were married we were going through a difficult time. My wife was deeply depressed and reacting badly to Prozac. Most of her issues resolved around the M-i-L. (She had a difficult childhood involving a large number of abusive individuals. The M-i-L still denies that anything bad happened and blames my wife when anything in the M-i-L’s life goes wrong).
When out of the blue the M-i-L calls. She at the time is taking a series of women’s studies classes and has come to the conclusion that men were the cause of everything wrong in the world. (Note: there is nothing necessarily wrong with women’s studies. Some people should not be given ammo for their paranoid fantasies however). The M-i-L has decided she needs to yell at a man for 10,000 years of wrongs and has decided to pick me. She starts her tirade with an accusation that I am beating her daughter, as all men beat their wives. Now I have NEVER laid an unwelcome hand on my wife. I fiercely believe that anyone who abuses a spouse or child should be strung up by their genitals and left to rot.
This was her mistake. I normally come off as a very even tempered individual. I believe that a kind word and a measured response can defuse almost any situation. I am fairly non-confrontational. However my dear one is in considerable pain and I am helpless to assist her (protective mode on). Then the person who is a major cause of the pain my wife’s pain, calls me and accuses me of harming her? Big mistake. Her tirade doesn’t even get a full head of steam before mine begins. She only stays on the phone for a few minutes before realizing that I am not going to stop and she hangs up. I haven’t had a full conversation with her in the seven years since.
Then three years ago my wife is pregnant. It is turning into a very difficult pregnancy. She has to quit her job and spends the last three months on bed rest. Finally her doctor decides that both the wife’s and the boy’s lives are potentially in danger and schedules an induced labor. Foolishly we let the wife’s family know when this will take place.
Throughout the pregnancy every time we talk with the M-i-L she has to discuss everything that can possibly go wrong. My wife still has to anxiety issues and does not need to focus on all the horrible ways she and her child are going to die.
Once in the hospital the wife is set up with medications and told to try to get as much sleep as possible. Seven hours later (1am) things start to happen. She is fully dilated and is entering the third stage of labor. The nurses are quite concerned as this should have taken much longer to reach. They thought it should be at least 12 hours before the first contractions started, and a fair while after that before we would be ready for delivery. The doctor has gone home and will take a short while for her to get back. The nurses are all very concerned and are setting up for emergency procedures. Again, this has been a difficult pregnancy and is now an unusual delivery. To top it off because of how rapidly my wife progressed we are now too late for an epidural or other major pain killer as they won’t take effect until after the delivery. So this will also be a very painful delivery. To top it of as the doctor still hasn’t arrived so the nurses and I are telling my wife to not bare down. “Don’t push.” “I NEED TO PUSH.” “You can’t yet.”
All the sudden the phone rings. I wasn’t even consciously aware of it being there. My first thought is that the doctor has had a problem and is calling to warn us. No it is the M-i-Law, at 1am, during delivery. Asking how her daughter is doing. Normally I would consider this a good thing. Thinking about others is not a strong point of the M-i-L’s. However she wasn’t thinking about others she was thinking about herself. She was about to go to bed and decided to wake her daughter with another horror story hours before her planned delivery time. A string of profanities leaves my mouth and I yank the phone from the wall. Fortunately nothing breaks. But if you have never done this as a method to hang up on someone you should try it. It is very therapeutic. The birth goes smoothly from this point on and Bartboy is born healthy and happy.
Well that is more than enough ranting. If all goes as planned we may never see her again.