Geez, JC, you really are rusty, aren’t you? 
Obviously you should work on constructing some sort of 1920’s style death ray.
hey! stop throwing things at me!!!
I’m assuming that this is an “alone” weekend. When the wife is home one can raise hell with buddies away from the house. Otherwise here’s my recipe:
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Alcohol. Of course.
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Nicotine. If you don’t smoke, even better. You’ll like it more.
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Caffeine. Can’t get sleepy by the alcohol.
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Pornography. Preferably Japanese cartoon-type, or anything that makes you say “Holy Shit! Hahahaha, wow!!!”
Take internally in large enough doses until you say “fuck you all, this is my goddamn money and my goddamn house” and make a mess of something or fire a gun at an inanimate object.
Wake up Sunday afternoon, clean up in the evening and go back to being a decent person. Feels good. Just try to stay indoors, you sick, normal, bastard. And no hard drugs. You should do those with your wife. 
-k
My suggestion:
***BBBBBBBzzzzzzzzzzzzzzoooooooom
Just take those old records off the shelf …***
So, what, get a vibrator while listening to vinyl?
No, no, no. Wear whitey-tighty underwear while sliding across a wood floor.
Wasn’t I clear?
Dammit. Cheated again.
Oh, yes, I caught the reference, but my dirty mind staged a coup and took over typing duties. Fortunately, my regular mind reasserted itself and rode in, like Yeltsin on that tank.
Better Yeltstin on a tank than Dukakis in one.
I know! I know! You could come replace my radiator! Yeah! I’ll buy you wine!
Your reply made me laugh – but then it made me think that not everyone has seen that Tom Cruise clip.
(Now I’ll go on off like Yeltsin leading that band.)