Here we are deep in the heart of the 21st centruy, technologically advanced, eyes on the stars, reaching new heights of culinary sophistication. What better way to commune with the universe than by reveling in the plethora of scintillating yogurt possibilities before me…
Apricot Mango. You’ve spoken to me. I listen, I love, I devour…
…First few bites, a bit sour, yet with a delightful hint of tropical carefree sunshine dappled with morning dew. Ahh yogurt, I caress thee.
But then, evil deceitful yogurt, you bitch-slap me back to 1973 as all of a sudden I find in my mouth slimy, runny, gelatinous, quivering, tendrils of Apricot/Mango viscera. Right when I’m deep in the bowels of the latest TMI thread, something about self-aware-vaginal-effusions. Fruit-at-the-fucking-bottom! That is so goddamn hippie 1970 crap, “Unmixed for your spiritual pleasure, soul brother. Peace.” Fuck!
Who the hell do you think you are, does anybody buy this shit anymore? Really, how hard is it to give the tub a little shake and stir before inflicting it upon the unwary populace? Oh, I see it now, squeezed down on the bottom in tiny 3-point type in between “No Refined Sugar” and “Does not contain growth hormone.” Someone intern at the yogurt-container-typesetter’s-guild must have forgotton to also leave space for “Texturally equivalent to ropy strands of boiled tripe stewed with cat vomit.”
That’s it. I’m going out to club a baby seal to mix in with my tuna salad tonight. Revenge is sweet. Fucking hippies…
Let me see if I’ve got this straight: You were eating Apricot-Mango Yog(h)urt, and you are now posting to tell us you are angry about finding pieces of apricot (or, possibly, mango) in your Apricot-Mango Yog(h)urt.
If I had to guess, I think it’s the one from last week or so where one woman talked about something very odd that popped out when she removed her tampon… (TMI to follow)
An approximately 3"-long, reddish-iridescent, rather disturbingly solid blob that reminded her of an egg sac of some kind :eek:
When you are eating yogurt that says that there is fruit in it, if the top part of the yogurt hasn’t got the fruit thoroughly stirred into it already, the fruit is probably at the bottom.
Solution: insert spoon, all the way to the bottom, and stir firmly but carefully, using up-and-down motion to evenly distribute the fruit.
Tomorrow: If the bog roll has vanished and there is nothing but a cardboard tube in its place, it is time to get a new bog roll.
