You’re Cthulhu, and you’ve just arisen from your snooze in Ry-leh to find a bumper crop of humans to be devoured. Who do you eat first?
To get the ball rolling, I’m thinking Karl Rove is on the list. He’s earned it. While not a devout worshipper, he’s done so much to bring evil into the world. Bon appetit!
Well, aside from the fact that Ry-leh doesn’t have amny edible humans fit for consumption (for obvious reasons…), I’m eating whatever happens to wander over first!
After I take the edge off, the first thing I’m doing is eating whomever publishes that Lovecraft-guy’s books. It doesn’t pay to leave banishing instructions just lying about. Also, burn what books i can get to.
Then, it’s away to a dank hole in New England, waiting for some dim-witted farmer.
Why I’d eat all the plush toys first! 
Jack Chick, baby!
Correct me if I’m wrong, shouldn’t these people be eaten LAST? Because then they have to watch everyone else go insane and kill each other.
I would first comsume the poor human that freed me from my realm and allowed me to walk free on the earth, thus preventing them from conceivably send me back. One power is consolidated…
I prefer a hearty meal of Red State inhabitants.
Chinese for me. Of course, an hour later I’ll just be hungry again…
I would eat Homer Simpson.
In this way, I would get a tasty (if fatty) meal, and probably a nice dose of Duff Beer, too. And a partially-digested donut for dessert. Mmmmmmm, donuts.
Yes, I know that Homer Simpson is a fictional character. Hell, I’m a fictional character. Yog-Sothoth is a fictional character. All the coolest guys are fictional characters.
Now here’s a thread I can sink my teeth into.
I’d eat all the scientists and engineers first, because they might come up with a way to defeat me.
I’d eat the philosphers last, but only after inflicting maximal non-Euclidian madness on them. It’s good to eat your vegitables.
I’m starting at the highest post count and working my way down.
Rush Limbaugh.
I don’t think anyone in the last few decades has done more to help spread evil, hatred and general nastiness in the world as he has. Sure, Karl Rove has helped put some pretty nasty political types in power, but at a grass-roots level, hey, people still have to vote for these guys, and Rush has developed convincing the great unwashed that greed, selfishness, cruelty, lying, and hypocrisy are virtues into a fine art.
Plus, with all that oxy that is likely still stored in his body fat, I’d probably get a helluva buzz.
I thought he was banned.
I don’t think that anyone can know who will be eaten first. Who can understand the motives of the Old Ones? They keep secrets that would drive us insane if known.
Good plan, you’ll eat yourself before you get to me then? But isn’t that physically impossible? That would defy the very laws of reality my fragile existence depends on! GAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
GWB. Chomp chomp…burp!
If there’s anything the Old Ones got off on, it was inflicting maximum torment. That’s why, if they look upon you favorably, they’ll eat your first. In a world ruled by Them, unspeakable horror and slow decline into screaming madness is the fate of all mortals. One would wish devoutly to be dispatched in short order, lest you spend an extended time writhing in psychic agony upon the wasted Earth.
It’s the folks you really hate who you want to eat last. They’re the ones you want to see wriggling on the end of the hook, so to speak.
I’d hate for you to choke on that and hit your head on a table.
Sheesh, I was thinking I’d start on the elderly - yanno, saving the tasty younger people for dessert.
Who cares who I eat first? I’ll eat everyone! Everyone, that is, except for two people who will repopulate the world, and in a few thousand more years, I’ll feast on their descendants! BWAHAHAHA!!!
And why should Cthulhu CARE about who is or is not spared more or less suffering? what are we to him?
He’ll hang around driving humanity mad with the anticipation of unspeakable things for long enough that we finally break down and start burning down nursing homes, staging drawings and quarterings of nuns in the Wal-Mart parking lot, forcing random strangers at gunpoint to sodomize livestock, and using babies for heating fuel. Then he’ll just start by whoever’s closest.
Mmm. As we are less than insects to the Old Ones, it does raise the obvious question of how we might curry favor with such a Creature, and mercifully hasten our own demise. How does one little ant among many convince the sadistic child to aim his magnifying glass in one’s direction, thus avoiding having all of one’s legs pulled off one-by-one instead?