You are lucky - most of the things I want you already have, at least in certain states. I’d love it if UK laws were a cross between Nevada and the Netherlands.
Drug use is no longer a criminal offense. However, if your drug use impacts others, ie: DUI, messing up your kids lives, etc, then away you go.
Jails to be slave labor camps, with no rights accorded to prisoners beyond basic rights needed to keep you alive.
Death sentencing to be upgraded, and appeal limits set in place.
Military budget to be slashed by 1/3, half that money to go into space budget, half to be set aside as debt relief.
Immediate cease on importation of goods produced within the US. Buy American, or do without. This hurts me, as it means no more Civic, Integras, or Supras.
Immediate gun training starting in 4th grade, continuing through High School.
Anyone may carry a gun, but use of it in a crime is immediately a life sentence offense. No permits necessary, though background checks still necessary.
Hmmmmm… that’s a good start, I think.
Nah, I’m certain now at 27 going on 28. Like I said, it’s only 5 years worth of people which is about equal everyone over 50 in amount. The smart motivated ones will go, most of the people you might worry about wont go. I think this would be a smart and progressive move for the US to make and I would vote for their rights with absolutely no fear about it.
- Professional sports are forbidden. Playing sports for a salary or wage will be forbidden. Playing for prizes awarded to the winner (or winning team) will still be allowed.
- Similarly, all athletic scholarships will be forbidden.
- A new representative legislative body will be created with a single purpose: repeal existing laws that are stupid, outdated, unconstitutional, or just plain borked.
- Experimental chaocracy: representatives will be selected at random from the (generally unwilling) populace, instead of the current system which encourages popular power-seekers.
- I am absolute-emporer-for-life.
- Life sentance without bail (and absurdly long consecutive sentances) will be eliminated in favor of expedient execution and organ harvesting once guilt is established beyond a reasonable doubt.
- An official resolution will be drafted declaring the english language to be a consensually-defined tool for communication. “grammer nazis” will be suitably punished for interfering with the natural evolution of the language.
- Full decriminalization of drug use.
- Any censorship by state or federal government agencies (such as public schools) will be investigated by the FBI as 1st Ammendment violations, and the responsible teachers/officials will be punished. This policy will give schools the ability to say “no” to PTAs who call for such censorship.
- Logic will be a required course in all schools.
- Users of virus-prone software will be fined for any viruses spread from their installs of said software. For example, users of Outlook will be liable if their copy of Outlook gets infected and starts sending viruses to other users.
- Prostitution will be decriminalized.
- Telemarketing and Spam will be illegal, of course.
Well, y’know, I haven’t seen any opposition to The Skrivener’s idea:
And in line with this, any one who believes that Jesus died on the cross for you shall be put to death.
Women shall not be allowed to drive because everyone knows they are bad drivers.
Let’s reinstate slavery! Of blacks, of course.
Two words. Keel. Hauling.
Burning of women who are believed to be witches.
In fact, women can’t vote.
Or drive.
Or own property.
Or complain if their husband forces them to have sex.
Or if anyone forces them to have sex.
And most of all, right wing dumbfucks get their balls cut off.
All cars will be fitted with a device that makes it impossible to turn unless the turn signal is actually used.
Don’t use the turn signal? Sorry, you can’t make your turn!
Door step preaching will be illegal.
(mormonos JW’s)
Marujuana is legalized. Resources employed in prosecuting pot will be re-employed to prosecuting heroin and crack. Taxes collected in pot sales to be directed in prosecuting heroin and crack.
Same rationale for prostitution…providing each prostitute checked monthly for AIDS and STDs.
Obtaining a licence for a firearm will require a written and field test of that firearm…same rationale as a car licence.
Government and military spending budgets will be monitored by a civilian accounting firm…pork barrel and waste will be eliminated.
The government will be financed as if it were a corporation: shares will be sold, and a return on investment will determine how well the government is run.
Anyone with an income below the poverty level gets a full refund on their income tax.
Equal rights amendment will be passed; discrimination based on race, gender, national origin, sexual orientation, age, disability, or political membership will be outlawed. All desicions based solely on ability and merit.
(I’ll second voluntary voting for 13-18 year olds.)
No minor shall be tried as an adult for any crime.
Sending a credit card application to someone shall constitute pre-approval for the card. If you don’t want to issue a card to someone, don’t send him an application.
Road crews must finish construction in one area before tearing up the road or disrupting traffic in another area.
Mmmm, why does Arthur Anderson and WorldCom spring instantly to mind?
Just remembered one more of my “good ideas” …
World citizens get to vote int he national elections of countries defined as “superpowers”. Super-powerX’s cars and factories are polluting your home millions of miles away? Not a problem, excercise your international vote for a more environmentally sound party. Some clever person would work out a ratio-aspect for how the world-votes would be applied.
Lawyers in criminal court cases shall be paid from a public fund. Minimum hourly wage for both sides, with the winner getting the jackpot, based upon the level of the alledged offense. A deduction from each sides income will be made however, for the judge’s salary etc.
Hey, Iteki, I like this idea. But let’s extend it.
Canadian? Don’t like the institution of sharia law in the northern provinces of Nigeria? Vote against it!
Nigerian? Vote in Canadian elections to influence IMF reform and trade deals!
European? Latin American? Canadian? Vote against the DMCA and UCITA in the US to help preserve liberty in the Land of the Free! Whatever happens in the US is gonna hit you eventually…
Really, this boils down to a simple principle: if a government affects you, you should be able to influence it.
I’m a big fan of golden rule. Try “The Moon is a Harsh Mistress” for a great example.
Everybody is responsible for their own clumsiness/stupidity. If you climb up on a ladder and fall off, you don’t get to sue the ladder manufacturer. If you come onto my property and fall down and break your arm, your insurance has to pay, not mine.
The doctrine of ‘deep pockets’ is hereby abolished.
It is not the government’s obligation or right to protect me from myself.
Nothing that happened to any of your ancestors entitles you to anything.
The Electoral College is hereby abolished.
Every city, town, village, etc in the U. S. shall, without fail, have at least one good jazz station, with a decent sized transmitter. For the purposes of this law, Sade is not a jazz singer.
‘Men at Work’ shall mean men at work. If I don’t see anybody working, I get to take the sign home with me, and if they want it back, they have to pay me for it.
All buildings in the U. S. shall have street numbers mounted in a conspicuous place and large enough to be read from a moving vehicle.
Ditto for street signs.
Any CEO or other big wig who raids their employee’s pension plan or otherwise screws up their employee’s retirement shall be forced to live under an overpass and keep all their miserable belongings in a shopping cart, with 3 wheels, that squeak, for the rest of their lives.
If I can’t find the price of a product on the product itself or on a shelf tag mounted in a conspicuous place and printed in a large legible font, without cryptic abbreviations, I get it free.
If the tag is for a sale price that expired yesterday and you didn’t get around to taking the sign down yet, I get it for the sale price.
If there is any little tiny eye-strain inducing type on the tag telling me why I don’t get it at the sale price, I get it at the sale price.
And I get to beat you about the head and shoulders with a wet salmon.
Child support: absolutely,
alimony: nyet, nada, no way, forgeddaboutit.
The marriage is over, grow up and take responsibility for yourself, already.
All high fashion models shall be required by law to be at least 30 pounds overweight.
The federal government shall not buy any new bombers, pay any tobacco price supports, or fund any other pork-barrel projects until their responsibilities to their citizens (social security, etc) are taken care of first, and if they run out of money, they have to go home, without pay.
Any time I get a ‘General Protection Fault’ or other error message on my computer that doesn’t tell me anything, Bill Gates has to send me a dollar. Any time I get the blue screen of death, Bill Gates has to send me $5.00.
“I was abused as a child” shall no longer be an excuse for anything. Ya makes yer choices and ya pays the price, period.
Anybody caught vandalizing a public restroom shall be forced to work at a sewage treatment plant for a year, without a mask, or gloves.
Amen to the shelves in public restrooms, let’s have some hooks on the walls as well.
If I call the police about an intruder on my property and they don’t show up within 5 minutes, I get to shoot the intruder. If the police tell me they aren’t coming, I get to repaint their police cars, any colors I want, and I get to shoot the intruder.
Henceforth it shall be legal to shoot a fleeing felon.
Any woman who abandons a baby doesn’t get to come back later and claim it. Any judge with two brain cells to rub together should be able to see that she isn’t fit to be a parent.
From now on Child’s Protective Services (or whatever they’re calling themselves this week) shall be about protecting children, not about protecting some bureaucrat’s ass.
Oh, and from now on, skateboarding is a crime, and if it’s too loud, you’re too stupid.
Whew! I feel beter already.
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Same sex-marriages will be legalized. I mean, who am I to stand in the way of true love?
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Death penalty for sex crimes, most violent crimes, and a few others. Executions will be swift, public, and as gruesome as possible. Except in occasional cases where the prisoner can provide suitable organs for transplant, and/or be useful for medical research.
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DUI: first offense, permanent revocation of drivers licence. Second offense, hands amputated. Vehicular Manslaughter while DUI: Death by torture.
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Book burning will be outlawed. The punishment will be having one’s eyelids sewn shut for two years.
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TV Networks will be “discouraged” from preempting scheduled programming with sporting events. If they do so anyway, the stadiums where the offending games were played will be converted into giant nightcrawler and/or mealworm farms, and the networks will have to air footage of the worms writhing in lieu of any sports programing the following year.
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Censoring broadcasts of TV shows or Movies for content will be “discouraged.”
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Free health care for all subje-er, citizens. The money will be diverted from defense research. (If I’m the unquestioned ruler of the Earth, why would I have to constantly upgrade my military equipment?)
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Animal abusers will be publicly skinned alive.
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Assisted suicide will be legalized, if somewhat regulated.
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Holy sites/cities that are the subject of constant fighting will be carefully disassembled, piece by piece, and reassembled at the bottom of a lagoon in the Pacific Ocean. (We’ll start with the Bikini Atoll, and go from there)
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Purposely inbreeding “purebred” animals will be outlawed. The punishment will be…“unpleasant.”
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Significant tax credits for not having children. And a monetary bonus for having oneself sterilized.
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Equal rights for A.I.s and sentient androids, if that issue ever comes up.
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Nuclear power will be widely used for electrical needs: as a concession to environmentalists, several major cities that I don’t like will be domed over, and turned into artificial nature preserves. (Ripon, CA, is looking mighty good for a cloned mammoth habitat)
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Living animals may no longer be dissected in classrooms. “Pithed” human felons, on the other hand, can be.
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Anyone with a type of mental illness that can even potentially cause the sufferer to be a danger to others, can’t refuse treatment.
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Halloween and April Fools Day will be national, if not global, holidays.
17a. As will “Nude Recreation Day,” just for the hell of it.
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Permanent colonization of space will begin ASAP.
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Abusive and Incompetent school teachers…will get a five minute head start. I’ll leave the rest to the imagination.
Hmm…life under the Ranchoth Empire. Good times, good times…
Ranchoth
(I’ve been reading the work of Kim Newman lately, can you tell?)
Bumbazine for President!
I agree wholeheartedly with all these rules and I would add:
4. John Madden is to be banned from the announce booth for life.
- There will be one universale car-door locking system. No more trying to figure out how to get out of the car.
Bumbazine rocks! I would definitely vote for him/her! (I would even display a sign on my front lawn!)
Isn’t about time to set him adrift on an ice floe somewhere in the Arctic?
I can’t stand him.