The above version of “You don’t have to be mad to work here but it helps” was said on a particularly clever comedy scetch show from a few years ago - Big Train.
It specialized in the bizarre.
Anyway, for some reason the bastardization of that phrase tickles me when I say it in my head.
Another one is “Every time you kill a kitten God masturbates”
Can you come up with amusing mixups of more common sayings/speeches/phrases?
Death and taxes but nothing is certain.
I saw this in an article in the LA Times this morning:
“What a world this mess is in!”
A stitch in nine, saves time.
From a t-shirt:
I’m not as think as you drunk i am.
From the Smothers Brothers:
If there’s two in a bush, there’s a bird up your tree.
My ex-boyfriend’s Dad also messed up the phrase blue code of silence. He would call it the “code of blue silence.”
Around town there are signs saying, “No parking at any time”.
We always would switch it around and say, “No timing at any park”.
Similarly: What seems to be the officer, problem?
I went to a fight, and a hockey game broke out.
All play and no work makes a dull boy jack.
Every silver lining has a dark cloud.
This is more in the realm of telling on yourself, but I’ve frequently meant to say that I’m just thinking out loud, but instead announce that I’m talking out loud. My husband will say, “Yes, Ellen, you are indeed talking out loud.” :smack:
Prosecuters will be violated.
At my last job, we told new hires, “You don’t have to be crazy to work here. We’ll train you.” They thought we were joking! 
I always liked “Keep out! Trespassers will be violated!”
/cue the banjo music
This is also a line in a song performed by Bob and Tom I believe. It’s hilarious.
The unlived life is not worth examining.
There’s a term for this, by the way, it’s called “chiasmus”. Examples can be found at, of course, chiasmus.com.
The classic one from the sixties:
“Up against the wall, motherstickers! This is a fuckup!”