Look folks. We knew this was going to happen. We had almost a week of warning. It saturated morning radio, television, and the weather sites WAAAAY ahead of time. But really, did you expect civilization to collapse?
Yesterday kicked off the hysteria. Yinz raided all the grocery stores and took absolutely everything. Did EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU not have enough food to last the weekend? I’m not talking about a little stocking-up here. I’m talking about stray cans of beets rolling on the floor, water jugs picked through and tossed haphazardly around the aisles, and frozen food sections completely barren. You Virginians made out a snowstorm to be the apocalypse.
And of course, outside on the roads, white knuckled drivers hung on for dear life every time we approached within 10 feet of their vehicles. SNOWFLAKE! OMG WEZ GONNA DIE!!!
But then the blizzard actually started. By morning, we had 6-8" outside. But I didn’t know whether to be shocked or amused that NOT A SINGLE ROAD was plowed or salted by 1 pm. 1 pm! Now I’d understand if I lived on some residential backroad, but jeez Virginians, I live at a major intersection! You couldn’t at least get one road that borders me?
But it’s cool. I live next to the mall for a reason. So the girlfriend (also a Pittsburgher) and I suited up and head out to go shopping. Not 20 ft later, we found our first stuck motorist. As three guys and a cop tried to push him out of his divot, the driver’s face was one of sheer terror. It reminded me of a 4 year old that’s lost their parents or my guinea pigs when you approach their cage too fast. I wonder how they all felt when the 100-lb girlfriend, me, and a guy with a Minnesotta accent got him out in 10 seconds flat. “Step aside, gentlement. OK, driver, cut the wheel. Ready guys? Rock it…1-2-3. Aaaand he’s out.”
Of course, the mall closed at 2:30 so we didn’t actually get any shopping done. It’s probably for the best, though. You guys should probably just stay home until February.
Overall, congrats, Virginia. You’ve made it possible for the VA State Police spokeswoman to actually say “It looks probably a lot worse than it is.”