You fookin' airhead feck! You gave away HARRY POTTER! (1 boxed spoiler)

The BBQ Pit
1

I own HARRY POTTER & THE HALF BLOOD PRINCE but have only read a few pages so far. I realized I needed to drag out my copy of Order of the Phoenix and re-read the part about the fight at the Ministry of Magic.

I went out for an early dinner. I’m reading it at the diner, the waitress comes up with an “Ohmigod…” (Delta Delta Delta Can I Hep Ya Hep Ya Hep Ya?) “I SO LOVED THAT BOOK! How far along are you?”

Now, the cover is very visible- this is Order of the Phoenix- and I make the comment “Oh I’ve read it- I’m just rereading parts of it to get ready for Half-Blood Prince…”

She apparently hasn’t paid one bit of attention to the book’s cover other than the name Harry Potter and ditto to what I just said and she blurts out

This is a major spoiler- do not read it if you haven’t read Half-Blood Prince yet

I just couldn’t believe that Snape killed Dumbledore! Ohmigod! Do you think he really is evil or is it a set-up?

In my little gay mind I hear the voice of Brian Stokes Mitchell from the first line of the last song of Act 1 of Ragtime screaming

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

not over the plot development, obviously, but over the fact that I’D HAVE FUCKING KIND OF FUCKING READ IT FOR MYSELF! I mean, I’ve been avoiding those “SPOILERS” labelled threads in CAFE SOCIETY even though it’s been killin’ me just so I wouldn’t pick up anything.

The woman at the table across from me actually said “I- AM- SO- DAMNED- GLAD- I- FINISHED- READING- THAT- THIS- MORNING!” The waitress (an Education major as it turns out, of course) says “Oh I’d never have said it if he hadn’t read it…” and I volunteer “This is Order of the Phoenix, the last one…”

And she says (of course) “Ohmigod! I’m so sorry! [GIGGLE] Well, trust me, it’s for the best really, because I was just devastated when I learned it so now you know it’s coming!.. Decided what you want yet?”

Yes. I know what I want. Your pancreas on a bed of romaine… YOU CCCCOOOOOOOZZZZZZZZZZZZZEEE!

But it’s the way we treat the politely stupid that makes us good people.

Oy.

I’ll still read it, of course, but…

YOU DUMBASS STOOPID STOOPID STOOPID FRATGIRL FUTURE MANGLER OF KID’S MINDS LITTLE ETERNALLY PERPLEXED LOOKING SILLY BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBITCH! DUMMER THAN A HUNDRED CHICKENS ART THOU! AT WHAT POINT DOES STUPIDITY BECOME EVIL? FOR YOU ARE STANDING ON THE FULCRUM. OH, THAT YOU AND RYAN SEACREST AND KEVIN COSTNER HAVE LIFE WHILE J. K. TOOLE AND THE CAST OF BEWITCHED LIE DEAD! THERE ISSSSSSSS NOOOOO GOD AND MIGHT I ADD

KAHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!

Rant out.

Please don’t give me another twist, even with the spoiler.

2

Clearly in this situation you should interrupt the greeting with an automatic “Don’t tell me, don’t tell me, don’t tell me…” until the intruder moves off.

3

I was holding Order of the Phoenix… and I honestly gave her credit for having at least as much intelligence as a termite. Plus, there are many types of Southern accent and her voice, while as thick an accent as you could want, was one of the fast ones.[Groan]

This is a girl, btw, who if I were straight could have spoiled the ending of anything for me up to and including the terms of my mother’s will and I’d have smiled and drooled. Even I had to respect her very broad tight buns and perky breastesses- gorgeous even to me in the objective sense. It is amazing how nature gives defensive protective appearances to its otherwise helpless creatures.

4

I think you should have hit her very hard with your Order of the Phoenix! Seriously though, people who spoil stuff like that when they KNOW you haven’t read it/seen the movie are jerks!

5

Oh man, I hope you have her a shitty tip. (10 cents). Damn, that would so fucking piss me off.

6

Please, I beg you Og of the SDMB, save me from the temptation to reveal Spoilers about HBP.
Spoilers about HBP should be banned, locked up, key eaten by a giant hedgehog, hedgehog cooked on a spit, eaten, and all who ate it thrown in the sea and then the planet blown up and the universe caved in on itself.

The only annoying thing about owning this book is my experience with books. In other words I’ll probably have the entire thing read in the fourth ‘sitting’. the first has got me roughly a third of the way in. Time was when it would take me weeks to read one book, because I would read say eight pages and put the book down.

7

Some asshole on LiveJournal included a deliberate, major spoiler in his/her avatar graphic. On Friday evening. :smack:

8

Sorry, I didn’t mean to quote that.

9

BIG SPOILER IN THE LINK, DO NOT CLICK, ETC.

http://pottercrash.ytmnd.com/

10

It’s “KHAAAAAAAAN,” btw.

And my copy just shipped today from the UK. It should be here in about a week. I’m DYING here!

11

DO NOT CLICK ON THIS SPOILER!!

You have been warned.

But I’m going to warn you again.

DO NOT CLICK ON THIS SPOILER IF YOU DON’T

12

Well. That didn’t quite go according to plan, did it? Let me try again:

DO NOT CLICK ON THIS SPOILER IF YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT SAMPIRO’S SPOILER!!

You have been warned.

But I’m going to warn you again.

DO NOT CLICK ON THIS SPOILER IF YOU DON’T KNOW ABOUT SAMPIRO’S SPOILER!!

Poor Michael Gambon.

13

I was referring to Ashley Kahn, the famous American music historian whose articles for Rolling Stone clearly inspired the culture that warped this girl’s brain and caused her to ruin the book for me. That should have been perfectly obvious.

14

DUDE! It’s just some book for teeny-boppers. Where’s your grief?
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D & R

15

Ditto. So what’s the deal, Sampiro–what did you tip?

16

Absolute: You Suck.
THERE’S A SOUND FILE IN THAT LINK. DON’T OPEN IT IF YOU OR ANYONE ELSE IN THE GODDAMNED ROOM DOESN’T WANT IT SPOILED.
I already know what happens. My husband at the dining room table, on the other fucking hand, who is the actual fanboy, does not and just turned around asking “What was that?”

17

Coulda been worse. Imagine the furor had you been carrying an old copy of The Mystery of the Whale Tattoo & your waitress went and spoiled the fact that Frank and Joe Hardy never did get around to having a 3-way tag team session with Nancy Drew.

18

Damn you, asshole! shakes fist

19

Oh, I guess I’m a patsy. I gave her the same tip I’d have given ordinarily. She didn’t intend any harm so I looked on it as I would a waitress who completely by accident spilled a glass of Coke on my lap.

20

Its’ actually a bukkake guest starring the male Boxcar Children.

[Stewie]Even I thought that one was a little wrong.[/Stewie]

I picked up and blazed through the book for that exact reason. Two years ago three guys (two girls and a guy actually) at the office I worked had daily Order of the Phoenix water cooler talk in the cubicle adjacent to mine. I learned to have my headphones at the ready whenever they were around as I had yet to read the book.

People suck sometimes, don’t they.