Audrey Levins, why in the world would you want somebody at your wedding that didn’t want to be there.
That should be read in an inquizitive tone as opposed to a snippy one.
57, 58, 59 . . .
Also should be read with a damn question mark on the end to.
? !
Would it help dispell the image if I told you that I have neither a long beard, nor long payos, nor saffron Buddhist monk’s robes or thong sandles? 
Zev Steinhardt
Audrey, if you’d like to pretend that those people are not your parents, my partner and I both are pretty fair actors, and i’m a nice motherly 50, he’s 60.
We both clean up quite nicely, and have adequate wardrobe for the part.
If you’ll cover the cost at a cheap motel, we’ll feed ourselves, and I can do your flowers at cost.
I always wated to be the Mother of the Bride, but I kept on forgetting to have kids. (Damn the luck.) As to the grandkids, my great nephews and neices are all biracial anyway, so no big deal.
There ya go, instant family that can behave in public (pretty well), help with the flowers, and drive over from Houston. Partner is semi-agnostic (i’ve made him see God a couple of times), i’m a lapsed Baptist with no pretensions to fundamentalism or any other isms. Both of us can do Catholic, if necessary (he was, and I taught for them) and can improvise without a script.
Why not? You can at least use us as a behavior modification tool with your parents.
Audrey,
I was so taken aback by other posts I forgot to address your question! I wouldn’t force your parents to attend. If they did come, however grudgingly, the negative vibe they’d probably put out would make you wish you hadn’t made them come. My grandfather was extremely racist and sat my cousin and myself down when we were about 10 and told us that if we ever were in a relationship with a “colored” person, he’d disown us.
Needless to say, I ended up living with a black guy and my cousin married one. He didn’t go to my cousin’s wedding and didn’t talk to me for years. Point is, on his deathbed, he finally realized his mistakes and deeply regretted cutting us both out of his life for such petty and childish reasons. Your parents may do the same. Hopefully they’ll realize how petty they’re being before then.
Anyhow, I think you should take thatDDperson up on her offer. It could be fun!
And sorry about the Zen, Zev mixup, and for the slight hijack.
I saw a greeting card that says “When I was a kid, I had an imaginary playmate. I wish I’d had imaginary parents.”
A greeting card? Who were you supposed to send it to?
Your shrink, maybe?
What’s sad is that this isn’t the first time I’ve heard these words.
My answer’s always been, “Heh. What’s normal?”
Bruce_Daddy, it’s not something I really ever asked myself; I just knew that I’d never be able to forgive them if they didn’t go. I guess I equated attendance with approval. You know, “as long as they show up,” the rest will work itself out. It’s my mother I’ve been “working on,” because honestly my dad is such a massive asshole that I don’t really care if he goes or not. But he’s a very controlling individual and my mother’s a very easily controlled person (after 30 years of marriage to him) and I don’t honestly think that she means half the shit that she says she does, because she backs down the moment you call her on it. I think she’s an intrinsically good person who’s been controlled by an asshole for so long she doesn’t know who she is anymore.
It’s kind of pathetic, actually; I feel so sorry for her that it outweighs my resentment most of the time.
Either way, though, I’ve always known that if she lets him dictate to her on this one hugely important issue–my wedding–I’ll never forgive her. And when I talked to her on the phone last month, she said at first that she couldn’t go. She didn’t approve and she couldn’t go.
And within twenty minutes, she’d changed her mind. If she really believed the “reasons” she said she didn’t approve, she wouldn’t have capitulated so easily.
Like I said, she doesn’t really have the courage of any conviction, because she’s so used to having her mind made up for her.
And the really funny, sad, pathetic part is that the moment she said she’d go, she said, “Well, I feel better,” and then actually hinted that she’d like to help plan it. You know, almost as if she was waiting for me to give her an ultimatum so she could allow herself to become a part of it. Give herself permission to be hung as a sheep vs. a lamb, “since she’s going anyway.”
Which I thought was the saddest part.
thatDDperson, your offer made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. Even if I don’t call on your services–which are very tempting, btw–you are more than welcome to come to my wedding either way. It’s probably going to be in Vegas, though.
Do you feel like gambling?
What’s sad is that this isn’t the first time I’ve heard these words.
My answer’s always been, “Heh. What’s normal?”
Bruce_Daddy, it’s not something I really ever asked myself; I just knew that I’d never be able to forgive them if they didn’t go. I guess I equated attendance with approval. You know, “as long as they show up,” the rest will work itself out. It’s my mother I’ve been “working on,” because honestly my dad is such a massive asshole that I don’t really care if he goes or not. But he’s a very controlling individual and my mother’s a very easily controlled person (after 30 years of marriage to him) and I don’t honestly think that she means half the shit that she says she does, because she backs down the moment you call her on it. I think she’s an intrinsically good person who’s been controlled by an asshole for so long she doesn’t know who she is anymore.
It’s kind of pathetic, actually; I feel so sorry for her that it outweighs my resentment most of the time.
Either way, though, I’ve always known that if she lets him dictate to her on this one hugely important issue–my wedding–I’ll never forgive her. And when I talked to her on the phone last month, she said at first that she couldn’t go. She didn’t approve and she couldn’t go.
And within twenty minutes, she’d changed her mind. If she really believed the “reasons” she said she didn’t approve, she wouldn’t have capitulated so easily.
Like I said, she doesn’t really have the courage of any conviction, because she’s so used to having her mind made up for her.
And the really funny, sad, pathetic part is that the moment she said she’d go, she said, “Well, I feel better,” and then actually hinted that she’d like to help plan it. You know, almost as if she was waiting for me to give her an ultimatum so she could allow herself to become a part of it. Give herself permission to be hung as a sheep vs. a lamb, “since she’s going anyway.”
Which I thought was the saddest part.
thatDDperson, your offer made me want to laugh and cry at the same time. Even if I don’t call on your services–which are very tempting, btw–you are more than welcome to come to my wedding either way. It’s probably going to be in Vegas, though.
Do you feel like gambling?
[sub]ShirleyUjest, your idea about the SDGM, etc., surrounding my parents is just about the funniest damn thing I’ve seen all day.[/sub]
Damn hamsters.
ENugent – I dunno. I think it was a Maxine card. Who the hell do you send those to?