Jon Stewart hit it out of the park again. His recent riff on Jeff Mittworthy was excellent, but I think Dopers can do better.
Stewart: If you have a working 52" plasma TV sitting on top of another working 52" plasma TV, you just might be a Romney!
If you have two cars parked in your yard because your garage only holds five cars, you just might be a Romney!
Go!
If your butlers’ butlers have butlers, you just might be a Romney.
If your front porch collapses and kills more than three Mexican groundskeepers, you just might be a Romney.
If you’ve ever used a private Jet for carry-out, you might be a Romney.
If your wife removes the Virginia Slim 100 Ultra Light from her lips before telling the pool boy to bend over and pick up her Prada bathrobe, you better face facts because you might be a Romney.
If you have 5 sons dressed like this and it doesn’t creep you out, you might be a Romney!
If you think dogs are luggage, you might be a Romney!
If you like to fire people, and for some reason think that would make an excellent sound bite during your presidential campaign, you might be a Romney.
If you’re out of work and collecting SuperPAC money instead of unemployment, you just might be a Romney.
If you sing along to the Barenaked Ladies “If I Had $1,000,000,” but change the final line to “I’ll be poor,” you might be a Romney.
If you decided to familiarize yourself with “Cheesey Grits” by purchasing Con-Agra … you might be a Romney.
If you’re experiencing flight delays because your Gulfstream is refueling, you just might be a Romney!
When he’s applying for a loan, if God asks you to co-sign, there is a non-negligible chance you are a Romney.
If your favorite NASCAR driver is “that guy who works for a friend of mine” … you might be a Romney.
Who needs to make up stuff?
If your idea of a casual throwaway bet is $10 grand, you might be a Romney.
If you think getting $374,000 for speaker’s fees is “not very much”, you might be a Romney.
If you love going to Michigan because the trees are the right height, you just might be a Romney.
If your wife’s car is a couple of Cadillacs, you might be a Romney.
If you refer to $370,000 as pocket change you might be a Romney.
If your wife doesn’t think $200 million in assets is rich you might be a Romney.
If you pay a 14% federal tax rate you might be a Romney.
If someone can make a meme of Lucille Bluth saying your quotes you just might be a Romney.
If you think “cheesy grits” is a description of your audience in Alabama, you’re definitely a Romney.
If you think “y’all” is a description of the boat on your private lake, you just might be a Romney.
Thank you for sharing. (Why does that sentence seem snarky even when it’s sincere?)
If you go out and buy a Porsche because you just didn’t feel like driving the Mercedes today, you might be a Romney!
Not something Romney said, but something a rich member at a golf club I worked at actually did… he was annoyed because the Porsche dealership wouldn’t even address him when he showed up in his maid’s station wagon, so had to go home and drive the Mercedes anyways in order to go buy the Porsche.
The best by far! Although the luggage reminder is a close 2nd. 
…and if you still refuse to buy a car big enough for your dog to ride inside, there is no might about it.
