This place isn’t nearly as anonymous as everyone thinks. Many of us know one another offline as well as here.
You post your personal feelings on a board or journal or blog for the world to see. You allow anyone who for some reason cares about what you wrote to post comments about it. You bitch when someone has the nerve to post some good points that you happen to not agree on. Veredict: a hefty cup of get over it, with a side dish of what the fuck did you expect?
Word from the wise: Starting a thread like this is a really bad idea. Trust me.
Hey! There was a promise of spankings. Where’d they go?
That is too funny!!! I am cracking up!
You got good advice. Refusing to be a ‘welfare wilma’ so you can go and earn minimum wage while still recovering from a birth is just plain dumb. There are safety nets in place for situations like yours and presumably you pay tax? I suspect you are going to find that childcare of any quality is going to be dearer than what you can earn in any case.
And, yeah, take your LJ private and turn anonymous comments off and problem solved.
Come on folks, who are we dealing with here? Do we really, really, no, really expect any better?
IDBB, or 80HMMV, or whatever the hell you are now, grow the fuck up. Good god, what the hell do you want from us? Tens and thousands of surrogate parents? Brothers? Sisters? GET OVER YOURSELF.
Missy2U, she wants everyone to sympathize and feel sorry for her and tell her how wronged she was.
IDBB/80sHMM, you should listen to what the anonymous peson told you. I’m sure you won’t, though.
Well I left my name. Feel free to come dogpile me for speaking common fucking sense. Nothing makes an infertile gal like myself feel better than to read you bitching about your pregnancy and how you’ll really miss cable, and how you’d rather have your pride than fucking FOOD FOR YOUR BABY.
You’re kidding. Tell me you’re kidding.
Holy crap. Let me tell you, as a parent you do whatever the hell you have to provide for your kids. WHATEVER it is. What YOU want is irrelevant. I have used the system and been damn glad it was there for daycare for my daughter when I was making minimum wage, or for my son when I was going to school, I got WIC for my son when I was in school, food stamps and healthcare for the kids. Hell, I’m working now and making better money then I ever have, but I’m a single parent and if schlepping to DHS every three months keeps my kids insured and fed and helps put a roof over our heads, I’LL BLOODY WELL DO IT and damn my personal pride! No one needs cable THAT bad!
IDBB, listen, okay?
I work for a municipality. I don’t make a lot, but I know I make more than you do working in fast food. Got a husband and two kids.
Know what? I don’t qualify for food stamps, but I do fall within the income range for my kids to get the reduced-price breakfast and lunch at school.
I’ve learned that I qualify for other types of assistance sometimes, too. Not full rides, but little things. An agency recently helped me with some plumbing repair. They also helped me get some brand-new beds for my kids.
And trust me when I say the cost of just formula and diapers is going to make your head spin. Well, not necessarily the cost itself (i.e. one package of diapers isn’t too bad, but you’re gonna need a hell of a lot more than one), but the volume that you’re going to need. My guess is that you can get WIC assistance. I strongly recommend that you take it.
And day care? All I can say about the cost of day care is…you might as well just have your boss quit giving your paychecks to you, and just send them straight to your day care provider.
Agencies like the ones I’ve worked with exist for people like you and me. People that work hard, but can’t quite make ends meet all the time and need some help every now and again. It’s not being a “welfare wilma.” You have a job. I have a job. Which means, you and I are taxpayers. These agencies are funded with our tax dollars. So look at it this way: *it’s your tax dollars coming back to you, in a really constructive way. *
It’s only shameful if you expect the state to carry you because you just don’t frickin’ feel like working.
Nor is there any shame at all in staying home to take care of your child. The Marines like to say that theirs is “the toughest job you’ll ever love.” They’re wrong. Parenting is.
Persephone, you’re wasting your breath. I’ve seen IDDB get amazing advice from lezlers, CanvasShoes, and a host of other well meaning people, only to either not respond to it or give some bullshit reason why she can’t go to college, drive a car, do a math problem, whatever. I’ve tried to give it myself, and it’s so goddamn frustrating to see it happen over and over again.
And now there’s a baby whose life she could make better, and she’s refusing to get any help or assistance, or take any of the good advice people here have given her.
She’s not the only one who’s giving up.
I fail to see what the point of changing your name to lose the stigma of your old name…
when the behavior remains the EXACT same.
If I recall correctly from your past threads, you planned to have this child. I sincerely appologize if that’s not the case. If it is the case, did you even think of ANYTHING regarding the welfare of this child beyond its conception?
With all due respect, I know we have butted heads before and will probably never see eye to eye. I say this all my sincerity: please seek help, be it financial or mental or what ever you need. For the baby’s sake, get over your ‘pride’.
So have I, but it never helps. I decided a bit ago that instead of pulling my hair out over it, I’d just read it in a sort of anthropological way, watching how far someone can twist something to make it about herself. She is in fact our very own Jean Teasdale.
Now, however, I am deeply concerned for the welfare of the innocent she is bringing into her little self-pity bubble.
IDBB, I don’t know if you comprehend the responsibility you have taken on, but everything you’ve ever posted both here and elsewhere indicate that you do not. You and I are the same age, and I know that I am not ready to have a child.
My mother had me and my brother in her mid-30s, and she had a well-paying, professional job, and she barely kept us afloat after my dad left. None of that “going out” or “cable” business you were going on about. We could only afford to leave the house socially maybe once a month, and then only on Kids Eat Free night. Are you truly aware of how much this is going to cost, and how profoundly your life is going to change? Are you so deeply in denial that you don’t realize that you are going to need more than a week to recover? Do you also not realize that given your previous posts on your income that your job will not cover the costs of daycare needed in order to stay employed? My mother was only able to do it because she was making about $40,000 or so in 1983 (about $50ish in today’s money, more or less), and even then it was a struggle of living paycheck to paycheck off macaroni and cheese and Hamburger Helper with no meat, praying that nothing would go wrong with our ten-year-old car and our $1 / week layaway Kmart clothing, because we had no money to cover it. Are you really ready for this sort of sacrifice and struggle? You’ve not given any indication that you are.
Remember when you said the reason you dropped out of college was that you could not finish the one class you needed? Don’t you understand that that one class was your door into the professional world? Even if it was only a two-year degree, it’s something, for God’s sake. Had you finished that, you’d be better prepared financially to care for this baby – you wouldn’t be stuck forever in the service industry. Don’t you think that the baby’s going to be more difficult than that college algebra class you couldn’t do? What if something were to happen to Brandon? A divorce, or God forbid, a death or accident? My parents were in love and married too, you know. Nothing lasts forever. Could you even support yourself alone if you had to? If not, how can you be prepared for a baby? This baby is completely dependent on you, utterly helpless and lost without you. Can you handle that?
Think very hard about the job vs no job situation, and about the possibility of public assistance. There is no shame in working hard and still needing help; there is only shame in expecting help with no effort.
I know that this will all fall on deaf ears, but I had to say it. I hope at least something got through. I’m done trying to help, though.
You know, before, she was only hurting herself, so I said, screw her.
Now she has a child on the way.
Fucking Christ. This is messed up.
[sub](Note-as for not being able to pass a class-I certainly didn’t try again after failing probability and statistics-but then, I was changing my major anyways, because I hated it. And I don’t drive-but that’s more due to an anxiety disorder and little money for insurance and all that). [/sub]
But then again, she could take something that requires little math, I’m sure. (Or get tested for a learning disability? Most community colleges have free tutoring and all kinds of assistance-I sure took advantage of it!)
You know what the sad thing is?
I just put two and two together about 80sHairMetalMaven’s previous identity.
And I’ve been posting in her LJ.
My world is upside down. Somebody hold me.
[sub]seriously, I feel like a total dumbfuck![/sub]
I think, unintentional as it may have been, the most important post in this entire thread is this:
Fruitbat had absolutely no clue who you were and STILL said you acted just like IDBB.
It’s not the clique. It’s not a group of people out to get you.
These are random people who see you doing exactly the same thing as you did three months ago, six months ago, a year ago. Your behavior hasn’t changed. Your outlook hasn’t changed. Your name might have but everyone in this thread can see right through that.
It’s you. You. You. You.
No one else to blame.
It’s you.
So have a happy 1 year Dopeaversary! I think your next year is going to be a hell of a lot different.
I can only imagine what it will be like for the child if it’s not.
IIRC, it is frowned upon to an extent by the PTB to bring LJ beef onto the SDMB.
Others have said more eloquently what else I might have to offer, so I think I’ll leave it at that:)
Oh, and can I please have this for a sig? It’s classic!
Respectfully, I think you’re minimizing fruitbat’s contribution. Please read his posts again.