You said what now?

[stucco]

Last year or so I went out to sunday brunch once with an old aquaintance and a couple of her friends. After we’d ordered the conversation turned to the different church services they’d attended that morning.

The following conversation then occured:
Friend: What church do you attend?
Me: I don’t go to church –
Friend: Oh –
Me: I’m Jewish.
Beat
Friend: … That’s cool…

They were actually all much nicer than the woman Electrical Storm encountered and the rest of the meal was enjoyable. I wonder how the conversation would have gone if I didn’t belong to an ‘acceptable’ religion though…

[Revtim]

@Sapo

should have responded: “Here have my address, could you please send a couple gallons? For evaluation, of course, we might arrange for weekly delivery if we are pleased with it.”

Oh man, that takes me back. I haven’t seen ChristBlood home delivery since I was young lad. It just seemed fresher than the stuff from the supermarket, didn’t it?

[Redfrost]

@stucco

Last year or so I went out to sunday brunch once with an old aquaintance and a couple of her friends. After we’d ordered the conversation turned to the different church services they’d attended that morning.

The following conversation then occured:
Friend: What church do you attend?
Me: I don’t go to church –
Friend: Oh –
Me: I’m Jewish.
Beat
Friend: … That’s cool…

They were actually all much nicer than the woman Electrical Storm encountered and the rest of the meal was enjoyable. I wonder how the conversation would have gone if I didn’t belong to an ‘acceptable’ religion though…

Try explaining sundancing and sweatlodges.

[I_Love_Me_Vol.I]

@Kyla

Yikes. I saw a magnetic ribbon once that said “Covered in the Blood of Christ” and went home and made fun of it in my LiveJournal.

Here’s a big ol’ hijack. Why, oh why, do people feel the need to have magnetic ribbons? See, ribbons don’t need magnets. If you want to attach a ribbon to something you can just tie it there.

And then there are the magnetic versions of ribbon versions of flags. What the fuck? How many derivations of blatant herd-following do you need? Want to display a flag? Display a little flag, not a ribbon that looks like one. But if you ARE dumbfucked enough to want to display a ribbon version of a flag, then just go with the asinine second-degree derivation. Don’t further the knuckle-draggedness by displaying a *third-degree *derivation of knee-jerk sheepitude.

Me? I think I am going to get a tattoo of a skateboard ramp that has a guy riding a skateboard that has a wheel that is carved to look like a statue of a photograph of a quilt woven to resemble a dream of a ancient song about a mural painted on the side of a communion wafer that features a magnet shaped like a ribbon that looks like a flag.

I’m just a simple man.

[I_Love_Me_Vol.I]

(oops… ran out of ‘edit’ time! I meant to add this…)

Betsy Ross: This thing here? it’s just so many rags cobbled together. I envision an America one day with magnetic ribbons of flags on minivans taking little kids to soccer practice in the suburbs.

Joe Patriot: You had me up until the “soccer” part. We’re trying to get away from Britain, not become them!

[Stranger_On_A_Train]

@Electrical Storm

Acquaintance: “Well, some people worship false idols but when you become covered in the blood of Christ he can save you from all that.”

Now that I’m far, far away from this kind of thing, this sort of stuff really cracks me up. The SNL writers should really take a look at this as inspiration for their own humor. Up front and personal, however, it’s more distrubing than a Scientology Sidewall Mission.

@zelie zelerton

Cannibal Christians? Interesting sect. *Please * tell me she actually said that.

Depending on which flavor of Christianity one worships and their views on the Eucharist, cannibalism is not really out in left field.

Stranger

[Caridwen]

@Siam Sam

Crap like in the OP is one thing I definitely do NOT miss about the West. Ah, the pleasures of living in a total, non-Christian environment.

But you still run into it occasionally even here. I remember one time being accosted by a white female Jehovah’s Witness in my dentist’s office here in Bangkok! I told her what I always say when it comes up, here or in the West: “I do not discuss religion.” And that’s it. Period. I do not say it blandly, I say it firmly but not belligerently, and then I say no more about it, and they can stuff it if they don’t like it.

Maybe it’s a regional thing. I have to say I have never had anyone ask me ever about my religion or what church I attend. Even people I’m on a friendly basis with. I find it a really odd thing to do.

Maybe we’re just a bunch of heathens in NJ.

[Electrical_Storm]

@featherlou

I<snipped>

Electrical Storm, I’ve felt that strange, inexplicable emotion many times. It’s made up of, “I just told you quite clearly and politely that I don’t want to discuss this, yet you’re still pushing me. We’re in a social setting, so I don’t really want to yell at you or make a scene, but you need to back way off of me now.” Part of it is feeling that your responses are limited by not wanting to be an ass, but this person keeps pushing you.

People like this are tough to deal with - they don’t seem to understand anything less than a scorched-earth response, and then you feel like the asshole.

Exactly. I give all manner of bland, politely worded responses designed to change the subject or at least let them know to back off of *me * personally, and it usually works.

Sometimes though, you run across the person who can’t or won’t understand this and keeps pushing it. I felt that weird, inexplicable irritation/pity/exasperation feeling and added in a little genuine taken-aback-ness when she gave me the “covered in the blood of Christ” visual. Eeep.

I’ve given a few much more strongly-worded responses to extremely persistent individuals and did in fact end up feeling like sort of a jackass for it.

I wonder if the finger-waggling and Church of Satan bit would work better the next time.

[Electrical_Storm]

@Count Blucher

Interupt & say “Yeah, well I never liked that Sanjaya guy anyway” and walk away.

Genius!

I suck at coming up with really good, witty comebacks on the spot. I usually figure it out a’ la’ George Costanza, when he’s already driven fifty miles away from the office, thinks up the best zinger ever - then turns around and drives fifty miles back to the office to deliver said zinger.

[Sunspace]

@featherlou

Electrical Storm, I’ve felt that strange, inexplicable emotion many times. It’s made up of, “I just told you quite clearly and politely that I don’t want to discuss this, yet you’re still pushing me. We’re in a social setting, so I don’t really want to yell at you or make a scene, but you need to back way off of me now.” Part of it is feeling that your responses are limited by not wanting to be an ass, but this person keeps pushing you.

People like this are tough to deal with - they don’t seem to understand anything less than a scorched-earth response, and then you feel like the asshole.

I think your response is perfect for the ones that don’t back off, featherlou. One of the hardest things for me to get through my head was that one does not need to be inoffensive and nice all the time.

If I had been there and thought of it in time, I would have assumed an expression of horror and said something like, “Covered in the blood of Christ? Are you, like, vampires or something?” And then started to back away from the crazy person.

@Redfrost

Try explaining sundancing and sweatlodges.

Heh. Try explaining exactly what “secular Neo-Pagan” means.

I’m glad I live in a place where religion is mostly a private affair.

[Siam_Sam]

@Caridwen

Maybe it’s a regional thing.

I’d say very much so. Where I grew up in Texas, it was the Bible belt, and religion was THE overriding factor in almost every aspect of life. But living in Albuquerque and Hawaii, it was not that noticeable, even though the old missionary influence could still be felt in Hawaii.

Of course, Albuquerque is in the midst of the old Spanish Catholic region, so maybe that’s why the fundametalists are not as evident there?

[Projammer]

@Electrical Storm

Acquaintance: “Um, what faith are you?”

From a Simon Green book I’m reading.

Little Sisters of the Immaculate Chainsaw.

[DesertDog]

@Siam Sam

Of course, Albuquerque is in the midst of the old Spanish Catholic region, so maybe that’s why the fundametalists are not as evident there?

Exactly. They’re the newcomers so they keep a lower profile.

Me, I live amidst LDS so we get the elders and sisters coming by all the time. When I tell them I’m Buddhist they’re polite enough – at least they don’t blurt out something dumb like eating babies – and go on their way.

[Hung_Mung]

I think you dodged a bullet. Church of Christ is deeply rooted here, so I’ve been aware of them from a young age. I actually attended a CoC high school, the reasons for which are not germane. I was raised Methodist.
It’s been my experience that the CoC folks are more arrogant, stubborn and snobby than any other denomination. There are couple of Baptist churches 'round here that vie mightily for that distinction but the Church of Christ folks take top honors. They will yap your head off explaining why everybody but they are going to aytch-ee-double-hockeysticks.
Congregations are different everywhere, though. YMMV.

[Cat_Whisperer]

@Sunspace

I think your response is perfect for the ones that don’t back off, featherlou. One of the hardest things for me to get through my head was that one does not need to be inoffensive and nice all the time.

That’s good to remember. You know how it is to be Canadian, though.

<snip> Try explaining exactly what “secular Neo-Pagan” means.<snip>

I mostly self-identify as Pantheistic Neo-Pagan. That usually shuts people up (probably just trying to figure it out, but still shuts them up) should they be tacky enough to demand to know my religion.

[Jodi]

@Hung Mung

I think you dodged a bullet. Church of Christ is deeply rooted here, so I’ve been aware of them from a young age. I actually attended a CoC high school, the reasons for which are not germane. I was raised Methodist.
It’s been my experience that the CoC folks are more arrogant, stubborn and snobby than any other denomination.

It’s worth noting that there is a huge difference between the Churches of Christ, which are non-denominational and largely non-affiliated fundie chuches, and the United Church of Christ (UCC), which is the most liberal branch of denominational main-line Protestantism. No one from the UCC would ever say anything about the saving properties of being covered in the blood of Christ.

Jodi, raised UCC.

[Monty]

@Siam Sam

I’d say very much so. Where I grew up in Texas, it was the Bible belt, and religion was THE overriding factor in almost every aspect of life.

I thought football was the religion there?

[Siam_Sam]

@Monty

I thought football was the religion there?

You would definitely think so.

[LucyInDisguise]

Not so long ago, I was dragged (kicking and screaming) to an ‘upscale social gathering’*, where I was subsequently dragged (also kicking and screaming) into the following exchange with someone I had just been introduced to by a mutual friend:

Mutual Friend: “Lucy, have you met Inquisitor?”

Lucy: “No, I don’t believe I’ve had the pleasure …”

Mutual Friend: “Inquisitor, I like you to meet Lucy and his wife, Mrs. Disguise. Lucy is a Professional Driver …”

Inquisitor: "… so, which Church do you belong to, Lucy? (I swear, you could hear the capital letter …)

Lucy (… incredulous - I don’t even know you!): “You’ll pardon me if I don’t want to go into that at this time.”

Inquisitor: “No, I really want to know …”

Lucy: “Are you listening to me? I asked that you please pardon me if I don’t reveal that at this time. Trust me. I can see where this is headed and you reeeeaallly do not want to know.”

Inquisitor: “Yes, I do, I’m really very curious … You see, it’s part of how I get to know someone better.”

Lucy: "Oookaaaay, but only because you are so insistent. Tell me, do you know a little about the early history of the christian church - I mean, the really early days, when christians were persecuted by the Romans for their beliefs?

Inquisitor: “Yes. Those truly were terrible times for the Church.”

Lucy: "Well, no, not so bad, really. Not anywhere near as bad as it should have been.

"You see, I am Neo Roman Polytheistic**, specifically: I only recognize the Original Roman Gods, or di indigetes***.

"I truly believe that Jupiter made a serious strategic error when He allowed us to stop feeding christians to the lions - especially those who think that it’s okay to pry into or attempt to change or influence the personal beliefs of others.

::Pregnant pause for dramatic effect::

“Don’t You Agree?”

Inquisitor: " " " :eek: " " " " :mad: !!! "

**Lucy ** (directed to wife who’s jaw just bounced off the floor : "I tried to warn her - she just wouldn’t listen … " (turns back to Inquisitor) “sooooo, Ugh, how do you like me so far?”

(It was at that point my wife kicked me in the shin. Hard. As you might imagine, I don’t get invited to ‘upscale social gatherings’ anymore. Shame. They’re just so much fun.)

Lucy

*Evening gowns, torpedos (I mean tuxedos), inexpensive costume jewelry and other such silly shit.

**I’m not really, but I thought it sounded pretty good at the time.

***For those of you following along at home, here is a list of the original Roman gods.

[FriarTed]

@LucyInDisguise

"You see, I am Neo Roman Polytheistic**, specifically: I only recognize the Original Roman Gods, or di indigetes***.

"I truly believe that Jupiter made a serious strategic error when He allowed us to stop feeding christians to the lions - especially those who think that it’s okay to pry into or attempt to change or influence the personal beliefs of others.

[/SIZE]

Wouldn’t you actually be Paleo Roman Polytheistic? The Neos, I’d think, would be the ones opposed to Christian lion-feeding.