Warp Drive Perfected
Border Collie Steals Spacecraft
"So Long, Suckers"
Trump Hotel Tunnel Discovered by Capitol Bldg Firefighters
Mothership Returns to Take Trump Back to His Home Planet
^ He ain’t going with me!
Can’t decide between World Peace, Universal Healthcare for Everybody, Successful Quick Fix for Climate Change or Cure for All Cancers.
Trump, Pence, McConnell Resign: Discovered To Have Colluded To Prevent Release Of Cheap Effective Treatment for Covid-19
Subhead: Works on All Contagious Diseases and Cancers
Second Subhead: Also Cures/Prevents Bigotry In Anyone Who Takes It
ETA: damn, I forgot to get anything environmental in there, didn’t I? – oh well, what I did get in there would free us up to work on that.
Second edit: I do like Panache45’s suggestion.
“Trump awakes from brain surgery after having tumor removed.”
“Where am I, what have I done?” His first words upon waking. “I am so sorry for the mess I’ve made. I will work diligently to spend my last few months in office to repair our country’s reputation, and the damage I have done to it. I will be voting for Biden this November, and I hope that all of you will as well.”
(You said wishing harm or death, how about mental health?)
Left Hand of Dorkness Granted Infinite Wishes: Genie Embarrassed at Loophole
West Coast Rainstorm Extinguishes All Fires.
Extraterrestrials arrive on Earth: “We Come In Peace”.
And then, all the rubbish ceases to matter.
Stunning Tech Breakthrough: Fusion Power Is Here!
MITCH McCONNELL AND LINDSEY GRAHAM ENDORSE BIDEN
Saying, “Trump is unfit to be president”
Welcome To Our New Alien Overlords!
“Benevolent Extraterrestrials’ Cosmic Rays Wipe Out Covid-19; Unforeseen Side Effect Turns Trump Into Giant Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, Takes Lead In Polls”
Not to worry, a Roberts-led Supreme Court majority eventually declares Stay-Puft Trump ineligible and Biden coasts to victory.
Trump removed by 25 amendment Judged unfit to be POTUS.
This gets around your condition, he is unfit, it is for his good and the good of the nation. It does not wish harm on him or anyone.
Universal Basic Income. US.
Winner.
All of these national or world news headlines are great, but I’d be happy with a local headline:
Legislature passes “Add The Words”, Governor signs or Attorney General won’t defend Anti-Trans law in court, previous version of law struck down on constitutional grounds,
won’t waste taxpayer dollars
I’d want something like “(@jz78817), Previously Dead, Now Alive & Fine”.
Aww, I’m so sorry for your loss.