you can’t talk to someone like your husband. As Sanguine said, they just don’t change; they get worse. Emotional abuse leaves very deep scars; you do not want to add physical abuse scars to your collection. You have to worry about yourself and your children. You have options: you can stay put; you can both try to make things work; you can have a trial separation; you can divorce him and leave all this crap behind you. Remember, if you do nothing, nothing changes.
Marriage is work; relationships are work: you know this because you are a mature adult; he does not know this because he is…well: we all know what he is. Noone is perfect in a partnership, of course not, but even so that does not give anyone the right abuse another. Write out what you have written here and put it in your purse. Look at it each time you even think you might want to stay in the situation. Take strength from it. Hell, print the whole thread out and stash it someplace safe, read it when you need to.
No one can hurt you when you are alone; noone will want to hurt you if you end up in a loving relationship - and that’s the difference. If you can be at ease being “alone” then you’ll be fine. Why be scared of who you can be? You don’t know who you can be - and that’s a great feeling to try and find out. Ok, it’s a bit scary 
But, it can be very liberating too. You were young (still are!) you can go anywhere, do anything: build a life for you and your children and just don’t look back. Look back on what? Years of crap? Meh. Look forward - however hard it’s going to be, and it will be hard to start with, it will be better than what you are currently in.
Of course he won’t accept responsbility; in his warped reality he’s PrinceCharming and totally not at “fault.” He gets off on blaming you, manipulating you because right now, he can. That has to change. He won’t ever apologise for what he’s done to you and his kids; he won’t explain why he behaved the way he does…don’t look to him for answers, you just won’t get them. Don’t, above all else, blame yourself. And don’t let him blame you anymore either! Bullies do not like it when you take back control; he’ll be running more scared than you are, I bet. Also, going back to the breast comment: I thought he just happened to say that to you, and then you asked him why he preferred you to be covered up? It’s academic anyway, he’s still a moron. Why stay with someone that treats you like shit? Why stay with someone that does not love you?
Of course you’re upset - it’s perfectly natural to feel upset; angry, annoyed, frustrated etc. Your self-esteem has been knocked on its arse; your confidence has packed its suitcases and is on holiday someplace, and you have no idea what to do next, or which way is up. Sounds like you are depressed (and who the hell wouldn’t be?!) so you might need to sort that out too. You need to make a plan. Stick to it. No matter what. You need some direction. A couple of suggestions, even if you only get information at this stage, you at least have it to hand:
Look up some women’s refuge / aid centres: they will be able to help you with counselling, housing needs, point you in the direction of a lawyer - they might even have lawyers they are affiliated with, I don’t know how the system works where you are. Take steps to protect yourself and your children.
Build a support network around yourself - believe me, doing it without anyone for support is very, very difficult: can you go to your friends and family? Church if that’s your thing? And, no end of people here are giving you all manner of support because we see something in you, that your husband does not. His loss.
{{hugs}}
Longest post ever! sorry, but…well, you know how it is