:eek:
And of couse the newest one:
My Dick is So Big…It makes the baby Jesus cry.
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by warmgun *
**
At least Drew Carey had the common decency to only steal the funny ones, if those are what was left over.:eek: When did your book come out, warmgun?
I’m not saying Drew isn’t funny or that I don’t like him…I’m just saying he didn’t write those jokes he put in his book.
So he’s more ambitious than me (and has more money to hire ghostwriters) or has a more interesting life to write about (maybe, maybe not ;)), and he is a good comic writer and comic. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t lift the occasional idea (or more) now and then.
I’m not going to try to defend myself in this situation. It’s impossible.
I’ll just say this, I’ll bet I could put together a list of his throw-aways and they would sound just as bad.
You can believe it or not - don’t mean squat to me.
All your dick are belong to us!!! (What? Are we done with that now?)
My dick is so big, all your base are belong to it.
My dick is so big, the tide rises with my morning wood.
My dick is so big, I need a parachute as a condom.
My dick is so big that the local peanut factory has hired me to salt their peanuts with my semen.
Hey, this is fun!
Dammit, Featherlou, you got it before me.
[Nelson Muntz]Ha ha![/Nelson Muntz]
My dick is so big, I got Joseph Hazelwood to pilot it.
My dick is so big, Stephen hawking has a theory about it
My dick is so big, when I say, “Hi Opal.” I hear an echo.
My dick is so big, my girlfriend has to take the elevator to blow me.
Alright, enough of this. I better come clean.
I’m hung like a farm animal…[sub][sup]rabbits are farm animals, right?[/sup][/sub]
My dick is so big, it’s what’s for dinner.
My dick is so big, it’ll be guarding the whole border during our next war. With Canada.
My dick is so big, it sunk my battleship.
My dick is so big, it’s the reason the Hubble’s mirror was blurred.
(Or, conversely … My dick may not look like much now, but it’s drinking milk … )
I now have visions of a lactating nipple being inserted into your pee hole.
That must be an interesting image, considering I’m a chick.
Wow, a chick with a penis. A penis big enough to sink battleships, no less.
[Montreal hijack]
A friend of mine used to cut across the lower part of Mont Royal late at night to save time on her walk home. One night, some asshole came up to her on the path and flashed her. She looked down, then looked him in the eye and said “That looks just like a penis, only smaller”.
[/Montreal hijack]
Here’s some I previously contributed to this thread:
http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=19152
My Dick is so big you need a fishing license to take a sperm sample.
My Dick is so big I’m not supposed to operate it after taking NyQuil.
My Dick is so big there’s a show on Fox, “When My Dick Attacks”
My Dick is so big that the last chick I fucked said “My God, it’s full of stars!”
My Dick is so big that the US Dept of Justice tried to break it up into smaller dicks.
My Dick is so big the tip dials 10-10-321 when it calls my balls.
My Dick is so big it molested Michael Jackson.
My Dick is so big Suzanne Somers wants me to endorse her ‘Dickmaster’.
My Dick is so big Melville’s original title was “Moby My Dick”.
My Dick is so big scientists think it may have killed the dinosaurs.
My Dick is so big it started its own record label.
My Dick is so big it’s registered by the Dep’t of Interior as a “Geological Feature used Primarily for Recreation”.
My Dick is so big 46 Haitians floated to Florida on it.
My Dick is so big I won the Olympic pole-vault gold medal in Atlanta with it.
My Dick is so big I can fuck a Russian on Mir while still on the ground.
My Dick is so big Spielberg is filming “Jurassic My Dick”
My Dick is so big the doctor used a backhoe to give me a vasectomy.
My Dick is so big it was banned by the SALT2 treaty.
My Dick is so big David Copperfield made it disappear.
My Dick is so big it seats a family of six.
My Dick is so big it has an entourage.
My Dick is so big it fought Godzilla.
My Dick is so big The Stones open for it.
My Dick is so big it obscures satellite photos.
My Dick is so big it won’t share top billing.
My Dick is so big when I get hard on the beach it violates Cuba’s air space.
My Dick is so big that George Lucas can’t afford to CGI it in Episode Two.
My Dick is so big it won’t host Saturday Night Live, even though it was on the cast for 6 years.
My Dick is so big primitive cultures worship it as a deity.
My Dick is so big it has it’s own climate.
My Dick is so big a Starbucks opened in my scrotum.
My Dick is so big it has stadium seating.
My Dick is so big they found George Mallory’s frozen corpse on it, with two dead Sherpas.
My Dick is so big that when I beat off, the friction causes global warming.
My Dick is so big it did stunt work in the movie ‘Anaconda’.
My Dick is so big it took a team of lumberjacks to circumcise me.
My Dick is so big if I put a hat on it I can drive in the HOV lane.
My Dick is so big my Home Owner’s Association’s won’t let me get a hard-on.
My Dick is so big it takes the Army Corps Of Engineers to clean up after I jack off.
My Dick is so big I can fuck a barrel of milk and make enough butter for the state of Wisconsin.
My Dick is so big I have to rack mount it when I get in my truck.
My Dick is so big I’ve been capitalizing the word “Dick” in all these dumb-ass juvenile jokes even though it’s grammatically incorrect.
My Dick is so big it has it’s own Congressman.
My Dick is so big it changed its name to “The organ formerly known as My Dick”.
My Dick is so big I can fuck the hole in the ozone.
My Dick is so big that when I tap it after I piss, it registers 9.6 on the Richter scale.
My Dick is so big they wiped out the amazon rain forest to provide enough rubber for just one of my Trojans.
My Dick is so big that the shaft and each ball are their own independent sovereign states. It takes a trade agreement for me to come.
My Dick is so big NORAD goes to DEFON 4 every day when their radar picks up my morning wood.
MDISB it has a permanent dark side.
MDISB they race my sperms in Mexico.
MDISB it does “stupid My Dick tricks” on the Letterman show.
MDISB it has it’s own currency.
MDISB that the only man-made structure that can be seen from space is my erection.
MDISB it bends light.
MDISB it joined NATO.
MDISB it has a snow cap.
MDISB it bought Microsoft.
MDISB once I ejaculated and buried Pompeii.
MDISB my smegma is recognized as an official ecological disaster.
MDISB I can splooge satellites into orbit.
MDISB the natives on Skull island sacrifice virgins to it.
DAMN! I shouldn’t be posted this…so big, it needs a hijacked plane to bring it down. DAMN! I apologize.
Very bad taste…
…but funny.
Last weekend, I came very close to posting this one:
MDISB terrorists crashed 14 planes and the space shuttle into it, and all I felt was a small itch.
… sorry …
My dick is so big that I put the infamous Clogcock to shame.
(Now THAT’S impressive!)