Life hasn’t been grand as of late in Andyland. Recent events have essentially been a big pile of suck*, but this is not the subject of my rant.
I have been talking to quite a few people (including a few caring and wonderful Dopers) about what’s been going on, and the grand majority have been wonderfully supportive and there’s not enough I can do to thank them. **
However.
Dear certain people who need to go away and take their stupid with them,
Pain is not a contest. While I do not suffer the illusion that the world revolves around me and my drama and everyone has their bad moments, I do not think it is appropriate for you to inform me that regardless of how bad my life has been for the past month- it has been very bad, let us not mistake that- it’s “nothing at all compared to what has been happening to you.”
In short, fuck you. There will be no victory march, there is no declaration of winners. I’m not going to feel better about what is going on with me by hearing about your life and all of your problems, none of which seem to be quite on the same scale as what I’m going through. So fuck you. There is a difference between commisserating and one-upmanship, between tactful sympathy and belittling. Learn it.
The inverse is also true. Don’t say that your problems are nothing compared to mine. Your pain is your pain, and it’s not healthy to think of it as worthless.
So the next person who says something like “Well, that’s nothing compared to my last breakup! Did I mention that my mother recently contracted ebola and weasels are currently nibbling at my genitals?” is going to feel my wrath, and it shall not be pretty.
Thank you and good night.
*Don’t wanna talk about it.
** Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I say “Humm, I have a headache.”
They say “Oh boo hoo - I have a headache every day, and a sprained foot, and a broken arm, and a sucking chest wound…”
My fav response is “Just because there are people starving in Africa, doesn’t make me any less hungry when lunch time rolls around.”
Hang in there - I hope everything sorts itself out.
I think some people just are clueless on how to say something supportive. I certainly struggle with it. But at the very least one should avoid making things worse.
Ah, Dao, this is why we get along so well. If I ever need a thug squad, you’ll be the first person I call.
Coldy, would birds pecking at genitals be a better joke? I can swing that.
Events of late have centered around medical problems and relationship issues within my family. It’s no fun, but to quote my grandmother, “We’re tuff people.”
Shit you think that’s bad…Did I mention that my father recently contracted bufuckingbonic plague and I have wolverines nibbling at my genitals? (sorry)
Andygirl, I neither know nor need to know what is going on in your life right now. It is enough to know that you are in pain and for that I am sorry. I am sending you all my best postive vibes in the hope that whatever is causing that pain is either found, cured, killed or otherwise eliminated from your life.
I know that sometimes you just need someone to listen to you. That’s it just listen. You have no idea how hard this concept is for many people to grasp.
I’m an RN and you wouldn’t believe how many times someone will visit the patient and regale them with their own tales of woe and misery. “Oh you have L lobe pneumonia eh? Well let me tell you about the time I had pneumonia in both lungs! Oh how I suffered, I thought I was going to die. And then those antibiotics gave me diarrhea–it was green and bloody and the smell? I swear it was an entity all in itself…Blah, [sub]it’s all about me[/sub] Blah friggin blah.”
All the while the poor patient is trapped. Truly a captive audience–a bore’s favorite thing in the whole wide world.
I once heard a little old lady put the bore in his place by saying. “I’m sure it was almost as bad for you then as it is for me now to have to hear you retell your story again. Since this is causing us both unnecessary pain, how about we don’t discuss this anymore”
lol! I have to say that Andygirl, I’m sorry you’re having a hassle and sorry that people are idiots. And Alice- I cracked up out loud over that quote. Man, but dont’ we all know someone who does this??
Wolverine nibbling might be nice, but the wolverines that are eating my genitals are very not nice. I don’t think anyone in the whole world can truly understand my suffering. (it’s all about me)
Sorry Andygirl, just trying to make jarbaby happy. [sub]Till[/sub]
The contest. Yeah, it sucks. Hope things get better for you, Andygirl.
Along similar lines**, my aunt was visiting last week and as I showed her around town it seemed she had to compare everything she saw to the city where she lives, with a value rating attached. Drove me nuts. Why does it have to be better or worse or bigger or whatever? Just try to experience the place for what it is, dammit.
riv
** Hoping this comes out as sharing and not another game of one-upmanship!
I am very sorry for your current difficulties, andy. And the “one upmanship” of pain is truly annoying.
This thread brought back some rather bitter memories of one of my friends doing this to me. You don’t need to hear all the details of what she did. In a nutshell, she tried to cheapen the most devastating loss in my life (so far) by “comparing” it to some (definitely lesser) difficulty she was currently having. All because she was crapping out on some dinner party, and was trying to dredge up excuses. It wasn’t as if the problems she was having were nothing. I know they were something. It was the way she phrased it. (“Well, I’m very upset about xxxxx, and xxxx, just like you were when you had that [deeply devastating loss and year-long-depression]! Oh yeah, and I’m having my period, too.”) I didn’t buy it, and I was pretty hurt that she couldn’t see the difference between what I went through, and what she was currently going through. (Which, trust me, DID NOT COMPARE. No way, no how.)
Well, never mind. Enough of that. Just wanted you to know, I KNOW how you feel. My good thoughts and prayers are with you.
I know that I, personally, would not be able to type a post to the SDMB if I were in such pain. I salute your resolve (if that’s what we’re calling it these days…)
