I got one that said “You are not illiterate”. I’m not kidding. I took a picture so that people would believe me: Picture.
I also have one that says “If it seems the fates are against you today, they probably are.”
–FCOD
I got “You will achieve success with everything you put your hands to.”
“If you want to be like Popeye, your girlfriend needs to be like Olive Oyl?”
“More pineapple please.”
and my all-time favorite…
“Only listen to the fortune cookie. Disregard all other fortune telling units.”
“You will have a pleasant experience.”
“That wasn’t chicken.”
(Just kidding…)
You are doomed to be happy in marriage.
Got that one about 10 years ago and never forgot it.
p.s. not married yet!
The best (and most accurate) fortune cookie I ever had was about twelve years ago. I’d been working as a sort of paid intern for a game company for about a month when the boss and her husband took me out for lunch at a local Pho place. After the lunch I opened my fortune cookie, which read, “Your supervisors definitely have you in mind for a promotion.”
I showed it to my boss, and they both laughed… and then offered me a $20k/year raise.
The best one I ever got:
“You will go to a party with strange customs.”
I never did! Unless I’m so strange I didn’t realize it.
“You are moving to a land of sunshine”. In a box of takeout that I got in the midst of moving from blizzard-wracked Minnesota to California.
When I was significantly younger and quite self-effacing, I was teaching speed reading for a company that shall remain nameless. I was having trouble with the junior-high classes. The teacher coach was in the midst of telling me, over and over again, “You must become an authority figure.” When he was called to the phone, I nervously stuck my hand in my pocket and found a piece of paper, an old fortune cookie fortune that read “You are called to a position of authority.”
hijack/
How do the cookie makers decide what the fortunes will be? Is there an editorial board, or a staff of writers? Do some ideas get tossed out because “nobody would believe that, coming from a cookie.” Or is it every cookie maker for himself, and the boss just lets them print whatever comes to mind? And how do they get that little piece of paper to line up in the typewriter?
/hijack
Here’s an article about one writer – and an interesting “lucky number” coincidence for which he (actually, his computer) was responsible.
Excellent article!
“There is absolutely no substitute for a genuine lack of preparation.”
A high-school buddy of mine worked in a Chinese take-out place. At one point he ordered a very small order of custom fortune cookies and slipped one into the bin at work, then shared the rest with us just for giggles. I may still have the fortune somewhere; it tickles my darker sense of humor.
I feel sorry for the one poor customer who got it, though.
“Death and destruction shall haunt you for the rest of your days.”
I just got a good one today. It’s from a Chinese take-out place near my office. Usually their fortunes are of the generic and bland variety. Stuff like “You are enterprising and ambitious.” Or, “True love unspoken is the heart’s greatest sorrow.”
Today’s fortune was: LUCKY YOU. GET OUT YOUR PARTY CLOTHES. THE CLEAN ONES.
:D:D
I read this one as deliberately ambiguous.
“It is rare for wisdom and beauty to be present in the same person.”
I got one that said: “You should share your knowledge with others”. When I showed it to my brothers and sisters they screamed in agony, since I’m a bit of an insufferable know-it-all.
Our fortune cookies are bilingual, and occasionally the two sides do not match up at all.
In 1984, I got Chinese food three times.
The first cookie was “Your new business venture will be successful.” This was at a dinner with a literary agent. He asked to see my novel and agreed to represent you.
The second cookie was “You will never have to worry about having a steady job.” That has turned out to be true – when I lost one, I’d quickly find another.
The third one was “Soon you will be sitting on top of the world.” Not long after, my novel sold and my daughter was born.
I have one pinned up on my cube wall: “There is a nice cake waiting for you.”
I just came in to say that for me, indisputably the best thing about living in Oakland is the Kar-Mee fortune cookie bakery on 7th Street in Chinatown. They use sesame flour in the cookies, and they rock! Not only that, but you can get a gynormous bag of “rejects”-- i.e., broken or misfolded cookies, for a dollar or two. They are always incredibly fresh.
Wow! That is too much! Did you select the cookie from a plate?