I just have to take issue with the second comment; analyses show either a low meat eating or vegetarian diet are equally healthy, but that complete prohibition of meat is not more healthy than moderate meat consumption. Veganism on the other hand leads to a significant decrease in average lifespan and is by no means healthier.
Compared to the average American consumption of meat, vegetarian is indeed healthier but a moderate consumption is certainly no bad thing.
Thanks for your contribution to the thread!
I know it makes me no fun at parties, or so I’ve been told, but I’d really not have this thread turn into a debate on the health benefits of vegetarianism.
man the roommate thing is killing me here, I have a roommate because rent is expensive and I am trying to start up my own business. in this cheap ass place right now rent is only 360$ (my half) leaving me with thousands to put towards my business efforts.
I dont know, it just seems like a stupid deal breaker to me without some actual qualifier beyond “has roommates” I mean if I want to spend several thousand dollars a year to get laid I will keep the roommate and pay for some whores. (kidding, never met a whore I could stand…instant deal breaker)
I would think he could be if he has some savings, investments, or other means, and has at least some aspirations and passions that keep him busy and self-actualized.
I’m just suspicious that Female Archetype needs Male Archetype to have a) a fairly high tolerance for stress, boredom, and bullshit and b) enough belief in formal hierarchy to want to be part of one and do what it takes to rise in it.
These are not issues I’m comfortable with, although I’m working on a) because I know these things are (to some minimal degree) inevitable in interpersonal relations. b), OTOH, really leaves a bad taste - I’m resolutely noncompetitive unless it’s on my own terms.
rhubarbarin’s story about falling in love with pizza guy (quoted below) suggests the nature of the work isn’t all that important to a quality person (although the misogynist in me suspects it’s because pizza delivery is manual labor and thus intrinsically sexy somehow - she’d be less tolerant of a guy, say, doing part time graphic design from his back bedroom).
And of course women are expected to - I’m not gonna say hold down jobs - but do something of positive gain. It’s just that it matters a lot less to a man what she does - I know it does to me, although that may be because I don’t care to live up to the comparison. (Dealbreaker right there, perhaps…:rolleyes: )
[QUOTE=CanvasShoes]
The “person must live alone” thing? Yes! And I’ll add to that “needs to have a reasonable amount of personal ambition regarding their livelihood” […] I need someone who is into mental stimulation, has pride in themselves and their accomplishments, and is interested in being the best they can be (to steal a slogan).
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Big issues here with pride. I have more pride in myself than in my accomplishments - I look a lot better when you consider who I am and what I can do than what I’ve done. So I probably give too much importance to what I haven’t done, resulting in shame - and yet I know I’m better than that, resulting in a resentful background to my life.
Why the resentment? Because I’m so ill at ease with worldly ambition, with swimming in other people’s pools. I am positively vicious at self-criticism and it does little but depress me. I’m much better at being the most “me” I can be than being the “best.”
[QUOTE=rhubarbarin]
My BF makes most of his living (decent money, actually - above the average income for people in the USA*) delivering pizza. He doesn’t bring his work into our home life, and he doesn’t work lots of hours or overtime ever, so he has time to focus on myriad other things including our relationship. Perfect match.
[…]
I know lots of regular adults (usually with a cultural heritage where this is more normal) who live with theirs, and I think it’s nice to be that close. I hated my parents so I left when I was 18, I only wish we could have had such a good relationship that I wanted to stay with them as an adult.
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I have a close (ie: stormy) relationship with my parents - everyone on my mom’s side does. In my case it’s an idiot-savant, only-child, Italian-American kind of thing. (All these apply.) We live close together, and have lived physically together. Money is, I’ll just say, not a big issue.
To me, it’s a tradeoff for not having to deal with the rat race, and the depression I’m convinced I would have to suffer through to earn “conventional” independence. I have had exactly one serious full-time desk job in 20 years out of college - right out of college - and it was a fucking disaster. I was totally unprepared for the world of conventional work. I embarrassed myself, my coworkers, my company and my family - all without doing anything illegal or immoral. If I never have to go through that experience again, it’ll be too soon. But I don’t see why my future as a human being deserves to be thrown away for that youthful mistake. Am I missing something?
Now what *kind *of women are these you know? Are they educated, or not so much? Conventional girly-girls in cube farms, or a little more freeform, creative types? What are their men like? What do they do?
I think the roommate ban mostly applies to older people. When I was in my early twenties, I didn’t care if you had a roommate or five. Now, in my early forties, I’m thinking that if you’re not financially stable enough to support your own household, that’s a dealbreaker. Wanting someone that’s financially stable does NOT make one a gold digger.
I could do it if I had to. How do you feel about someone who doesn’t have to?
And why, you may ask, do I keep yattering about this? I’ll tell you. I’m 43, lonely my whole life, and facing not just loneliness but aloneness. And it looks as though it’s not going to get any better unless I do something about it. Knowing who I am, that is going to make my life a lot harder before it gets any easier.
I guess I kind of want some way of sussing out how much harder it’s going to have to get, and what, if anything, I can do to take care of myself through that time.
Oops, thought you meant work.
I’d have a hard time dating anybody that didn’t live alone. I’ve found, IME, that those people expect to always come to my house when we get together. That means we’re eating my food, using my power, etc., etc. That’s fine until you’ve found a way to practically move in, and then hey there I am, supporting another adult, just like that. Are you giving me money for the increase in my bills? Then I’ll think about it. But usually they don’t.
And I thought by “financial stability” you meant nothing more than financial stability. I wonder where I get such silly ideas. :dubious:
Don’t you live in America, young Rand? Haven’t you noticed all the fat people walking around? Obesity around these parts is commonplace, and we even have some Fat Power movement going on, so yes, not wanting to date an overweight person is something you have to make clear in dating, which I don’t suppose you would have to do with serial killers. Now the body odor thing, I’m with you. I’d like to assume the person I’m going out with wouldn’t stink.
Assumptions aren’t always wise. For example, assuming a woman is attracted to a well-spoken articulate dude over someone who grunts and squints would seem obvious, but turns out to be wrong, wrong, wrong.
Never mind. I’m confused about what you’re actually saying,** Beware of Doug.** This is starting to remind me of one those whiny “But I’m a nice guy, why doesn’t anyone want to date me, they must be gold digging bitches” threads.
Sounds like you were dating a freeloader. I generally date men who live alone, and we generally wind up staying at their places. I do eat their food, but religiously replace it, help them clean, etc. People who want to freeload will freeload whether they live with roommates or not, and people who respect your space will do so whether you live alone or with others.
One of my dealbreakers is early reliance on text-messaging to communicate. I love texting my friends but please, if you want to date me, CALL me to ask me out, or see how I am, don’t TEXT me. The point of dating is to build a rapport with someone, not to expend the least amount of effort possible in the early stages of the communication process.
Also, another early-dating dealbreaker is the guy who doesn’t know when to leave. They spend the night and, long after they should be gone, they LINGER. Through multiple “it’s time for you to leave now” signals. Look, I really don’t want to kick you out, but I will. Keep the dates short and sweet for a while, have somewhere to be. If I invite you to spend the night, it doesn’t mean that I’ve invited you to hang out for the entire next day!
If you think I’m on that level, please just ignore me, ok?
I make no claims to be “nice.” Altho I’m usually pretty civil, I can be a right little shit if I feel the need. I don’t choose to “whine.”
And I don’t blame “gold digging bitches”, I blame society.
Maybe you could explain yourself for us slow kids.
This is what I hear you saying- that you prefer to live an “unconventional” life, including living with family, not working in a competitive market, not living a “normal” life. And this keeps you from dating, because most women you meet want a financially successful man, that makes more than them. This frustrates you. Right?
If that’s not what you’re saying, then please clarify. I’ve never had an urge to ignore you.
Right. Although frustration is putting it mildly. I experience it more as a deep but free-floating resentment.
I assume most women I meet want a man who follows the Man Script (and not just about things financial). I typically don’t get to the point of asking, because I’m probably not going to like the answer. But I blame social conditioning, not women themselves. (I do resent men, but I don’t blame them.)
So basically, I don’t date. I had my first date in 11 years last fall; there was no second date, though it was all quite pleasant. I just want to know if I have any business with women in my life, or whether I’d do better with less attractive alternatives like men, pets, or nobody at all.
I think you’d do better with a woman that also wants that unconventional life. Where you’d find her, I don’t know. But I do know that not everyone is into financial success and acquiring things and getting more, more, more… I used to be one of those people. Then I had kids, and don’t you know, they insist on eating and having a permanent home. They’re so demanding.
I’m not sure where you’d find a woman that has no issues with your chosen lifestyle, but I’m 100 percent sure that she’s out there.
If only there were more than one…<hollow laugh>
Have you considered trolling the homeless shelters? Cuz those women are* not *picky.
I kid!
Another big turn-off for me is people that mis-judge their own weight. The last person that winked at me was probably a good 50 pounds over weight…not a big deal, but the fact that she put “Athletic and Toned” for her body type kinda irked me. And it goes both ways, I’ve seen a few people that I would call Athletic and Toned or Average and they put “A Few Extra Pounds” or “Curvy” or something along those lines. The reason that get’s me is because my STBX-wife had some pretty serious eating disorders for a while and when I see someone describing themselves as heavier then they are it reminds me of that and having a SO with an eating disorder is something I’d prefer to avoid if at all possible. Other then going through a divorce, dealing with that was one the hardest things I had to do.