Doug, if you mentioned why exactly your life was unconventional I missed it so maybe this doesn’t apply. But you might want to try hitting up some of the coffee shops or art galleries. I think you’re more likely to find someone that it’s looking for the corporate lifestyle there.
This is so awesome and adorable. My librarian and I sadly aren’t together anymore but it reminded me of when we were. 
I’m on board with all of the ones in the OP, here’s some more:
Anything indicating serious support for the right wing agenda. A little bit of rational conservative philosophy is tolerable, but serious appreciation and support for Bush, the war in Iraq (originally…now it’s such a muddy mess it’s not the same animal), anti-choice, prayer in school, the list goes on. If you are there, I am gone. The Mary Maitlin-James Carville thing blows my mind. I can’t imagine true love and connection transcending politics, since so many political issues say so much about core values, and how can you marry and raise children with such differing values? Sleeping together, fine (not me, but others), but actually creating a life together? It makes me think they are both full of it and don’t give a damn about politics at all, they are like actors in a huge play.
Guns.
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Obesity
too religious
far right wing
trans-gender
drug user
I was browsing in a bookstore earlier this week and I came across a book that had a simlar subject to this thread. I don’t remember the exact title but it was something like “500 Things Men Do That Turn Women Off”.
Now I have no desire to turn women off so I took a look. I found it was not a list of things like “don’t hit her”, “don’t have sex with other women”, or “don’t have a heroin habit”. No, the two authors had standards that dealt with more trivial issues.
One of them, for example, was “don’t wear black jeans”. They then described how black jeans were ugly and they would never give a man wearing them a second look.
I think it would surprise these two women to learn that most men have lists of their own about things women do that turn them off. And on most of those lists, there’s an item for “don’t have ridiculously nit-picking standards”.
I dated a librarian once, but her always going “Shhhhhh!” when we had sex was a real turn-off.
Elendil’s Heir, I wish I didn’t laugh out loud at that, so I could give you a nice humiliating slow clap.
I haven’t been single in over a decade, but were I in the dating scene today:
- Any kind of illicit drug use (or abuse of prescription medication)
- Excessive or even moderate drinking. I could deal with a once-a-month imbiber. I’d much prefer a teetotaller, though.
- Excessive liberalism.
- Atheism. I could deal with an agnostic if they weren’t a dick about it and didn’t diss me for my faith, though. Being a member of a couple of other religions would be a dealbreaker as far as a romantic relationship goes.
- Expecting sex too soon. How soon is too soon? I don’t know … but I’m certainly not the girl for any guy who expects it by, say, the 3rd date.
- Blonde hair. I know this is a silly one but I’m just not attracted to blonde men, never have been.
- The harder the body, the less I trust a guy, so a gym rat would be out.
- Bisexuality.
- Racism/bigotry/general asshole-ness.
- Significant financial problems or financial irresponsibility, particularly stuff like tons of credit card debt.
- Crazy ex wives/girlfriends.
- More than one baby mama.
- Failure to financially support and emotionally/physically be there for any of his children. If he’s not, there’d better be a damn good, verifiable excuse, such as “she kidnapped the kid, changed their names and moved to Norway.”
- Any kind of passive-aggressive behavior.
- Complete lack of ambition.
Never say never. For most of my life, I believed I was completely immune to the charms of Asian men. Not a single one ever genuinely appealed to me in the slightest way.
Then, out of the blue, one did. I fell in love with him, he went on to be the love of my life, we were together for 10 years. And within about 2 years of my falling in love with him I realized I had developed almost a fetish for Asian men. At the very least, I am much more aware of their beauty and find myself frequently attracted.
I think a lot of us give too much importance to what we haven’t done! Don’t beat up on yourself there.
One thing I need to share is that for a lot of women, we’ve gone through at least one relationship with a beer-guzzling, un or under-employed, couch potato who expects the woman to foot the bill and wait on him hand and foot. That tends to sour us somewhat on the less educated or ambitious guys, maybe unfairly, but there it is.
Of course there can be “users” who are beer-guzzling, non-contributing to the relationship jerks who just happen to have a fancy pants degree and work in a “prestigious” job as well. They just tend to be much more of a rarity, at least in my dating experience.
I guess what I’m saying is that, in my experience, a person who is taking pride in themselves and is wanting to “take care of business” as far as their own lives and careers, will be much more likely to bring that same attitude of “best I can be” to their potential relationships too.
Mostly echoing others’ dealbreakers here…
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Too critical of others. If they’ll talk smack about their ex/their family/their friends/your friends/random strangers, they’ll eventually start putting you down to your face. Similarly, anger issues would be a huge turn off.
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Pushy. This one usually comes up before any actual date. If I haven’t replied to your last message, it means I’m either not interested, haven’t decided yet, or have been busy. Pushing it will earn you an automatic NO.
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Incompatible belief systems. If I had to always restrain myself from saying “oh my nonexistent god” or “oh crucking feist” then it wouldn’t be a fulfilling relationship. Come to think of it, that’s also true for political ideologies.
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Bigotry. Uttering one slur would be grounds for ending the date.
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Anything disgusting… bad breath, emphasizing flatulence/elimination, chewing with mouth open, bad hygiene. Oddly enough, I don’t think smoking would bother me.
There’s bound to be more but those are the ones that come to mind.
I’m not in anywhere NEAR the same situation you are Doug, but I totally get the frustration end of things. Sometimes you just get to the point where you don’t have the energy or patience to keep trying, but that doesn’t keep you from wanting.
And that can cause some serious frustration. Doesn’t mean a person is “whining” if they vent about it once in a while.
I like a well-muscled guy, but I prefer one with extra padding on top of the muscle. So yeah, I agree serious fanatical gym-rat is out.
This might be a bitchy thing to say but I don’t care. He doesn’t vent about it “once in a while”. He vents about it in every thread dedicated to dating, and in a good many of them that aren’t. So I suspect that his unconventional lifestyle has nothing to do with his dating problems. If his posts are any kind of indication, it’s his cynical outlook, his joyless demeanor, and his failure to accept the consequences of his choices without complaining about the injustice of societial expectations. It just looks like he is pointing fingers at other people rather than looking inward at what he’s doing or not doing. Like the fat woman who prefers to rail about the shallowness of men and the unfairness of the “thin is in” standard rather than 1) simply accepting that her size comes with certain consequences and that’s life or 2) losing the damn weight already.
Doug, if you want to live a certain way, that’s fine. But what do you want more, a girlfriend or your current lifestyle? If you want a girlfriend more, evaluate yourself and try to change. Even if that means getting therapy first. If you don’t want to change, stop incessantly complaining about not having a woman. It’s just like anything else in the world. But like I said up top, I don’t think your lifestyle is the issue. It’s your Eeyore-like attitude. You may think you aren’t projecting this attitude out in the real world, but that is highly unlikely. People–both men and women–aren’t going to gravitate to that.
Yes, this is a great one. Nothing makes me more uncomfortable than being with someone who doesn’t know how to joke or laugh.
Also, it’s not good when someone always assumes you are laughing at them. I dated this guy for a while that didn’t like that I would giggle during sex. I giggled because I was happy - he thought I was laughing at him. Even after I assured him this was not the case.
Bald? Yes. But I think they have to be balls out with it a la Captain Picard or Walter Skinner, rather than in denial.
Stink* to you*, though. Different people have different levels of sensitivity and preferences e.g. people allergic to perfume and cologne, people who eat a strong-smelling regional cuisine that will evoke ‘Mmmm’ in one person and ‘Ew, what is that?’ in another.
One thing about roomies – rather than a dealbreaker (i.e. Everything was going okay until…), over a certain age I think they might hinder someone right off the bat. If you’re 50 and living with someone of either sex, people might just assume you’re already in a relationship.
Well, right, I’m talking about me. Not wanting to date someone who smells bad to me is something I consider a no-brainer, and would assume other people won’t date someone who smells bad to them. I don’t care if the guy smells bad to Joe’s cousin Larry.
Many of these have been said, but-
- Asking me out over text.
- Asking if he can see me again tomorrow. Something about that is just really pushy. I’m a firm believer that seeing each other too much too early is the kiss of death in a relationship, anyway.
- Militant atheism- meaning, someone who is really disrespectful of those with religious beliefs. I don’t care if a person is atheist, as long as they aren’t a dick about it. Same with militantly religious people with no respect for the beliefs of others.
- Bringing up your ex on the first or second date. Why? Just… why?
- As the OP said, someone telling me they are an asshole- usually I find they don’t think they are an asshole at all, rather they think they are a poor, tortured, misunderstood soul and want you to reassure them that they aren’t so bad.
- Not saying, “Bless you” or some variation of that when I sneeze. This says a lot about a person to me. I get that it’s really picky and sounds dumb, but it does.
- Not saying please or thank you.
- Having no amibition.
Hope you meant the ‘911 call’ figuratively!?