Let’s imagine that you can go back in time and see the Fairy Godmothers attending your birth. (I know you normally can’t see them, but you wear your special glasses that let you see the fey) You watch them grant three gifts. Then the irate fairy who was not invited comes and drops a Curse on you.
What were the Three Gifts?
What was the Curse?
I’ll lead off, to get the wand sparkling:
This boy will be reasonably bright, but not so bright that he gets himself into a good school.
This boy will have a loving and supportive family, which will provide stabilty that he will not appreciate until the teenage years are long gone.
This boy will have excellent luck in picking friends, and be able to find them whereever he might look.
<Thunder>
This boy will be lazy, shiftless, and a second synonym for lazy that he is in fact too lazy to look up. Nor will he take the time to look up the spelling of Thesaurus. He will instead get caught up in a daydream of a dinosaur made of words. He will have thought of this thread three years ago, but only gotten around to posting it now.
Gasps from all attending. Except the boy, who plans to get around to gasping later.
Of course, the reality is that people like us probably came by the good gifts partly because of the bad one. I know that I’m kind because people treated me like shit and I resolved early in life never to treat others the way I was treated. I’m smart in part because having no friends gave me a lot of time to read and learn. My good looks are just the product of genetics. That fairy got a gimme.
This boy will be elegant, sensitive, understanding, and refined.
This boy will be kind and generous.
And this boy will be forever, unremittingly, obnoxiously cursed with the worst body odour you can possibly imagine.
What’s funny is that I actually did have three female godmothers at my christening, just like the Princess Aurora. In my case they were May, Margaret and Reenie.
Anyhow.
The Godmother Fairy that wasn’t invited (or actually, walked out on my christening party) was Lucille, the Evil Sister. (She’s a real person.)
So… onto the blessings and the curse.
Blessings:
1.) This child shall be pretty.
2.) This child shall have an inronclad sense of justice.
3.) This child shall be tenacious.
Curse:
This child shall never feel like she’s done enough.
The boy will be brilliant and curious about the world around him. From the second he learns how to read, he will fill his head with every imaginable manner of subject matter, from poetry to politics. He will be guaranteed an easy slide through education, destined to obtain advanced degrees and accolades and form himself a brilliant career.
The boy will be open-hearted and friendly, talking to strangers with the same ease as old friends, able to connect with anyone he meets. He will love people and be loved in return.
The boy will be independent-minded and creative, talented in countless ways.
And this will all be extinguished before the age of ten by a number of factors relating to his upbringing, family life and economic circumstances. A note of hope, though: at the age of twenty, he may or may not have a chance of finding himself again and picking up the pieces.
Good Fairy #1:
This girl will possess superior intelligence and creative skills that enable her to skate through most of her academic life. She will be drawn to knowledge and in her thirst for self-improvement will end up a very well-rounded person capable of taking on just about any task.
Good Fairy #2:
This girl will love the universe, and all the people in it, with all of her heart and soul. Her capacity for forgiveness and empathy will be limitless, and she will do good work on the earth.
Good Fairy #3:
At the tender age of 18 this girl will find a romance that is more powerful than anything she has ever faced. This man will change the way she looks at the world–and herself–completely. She will always know how lucky she is, and she will take the gift of her marriage and use it to do the most good she possibly can. It will always feel like an impossible dream come true.
Bitchy Fairy:
She will know suffering like an intimate friend.
This boy will have above-average intelligence, and a love of and facility for learning. He will pick up on new things quickly, do them reasonably well, and succeed in any scholastic pursuit he takes on.
This boy will be precociously moral and ethical; he can be trusted to be on his own at a young age, will never become involved with drugs or bad influences, he won’t cheat at school, at games, or in his future relationships, and everyone will always comment on how quiet, reserved, and adult your child seems.
The boy will have an impeccable work ethic, which will serve him well in school and in his future career(s).
Evil godmother: I give to this boy the gift of near-crippling depressions that come out of nowhere and last years; depression will derail his education in his teens, depression will keep him from having successful relationships, depression will make you fear for his life even into his middle-aged years. But, hey, he’ll have that impeccable work ethic.
The boy shall have parents who adore him and treat him with love and respect.
The boy will have a sense of humor and wit that could take him places.
CURSE: The boy will ignore all of these boons, and spin aimlessly for years and years. When he’s done spinning, he will be dizzy, and half his life will be gone.