I was trying to think of some words that don’t involve saying that someone is objectively hot - e.g. “lovely”, “adorable”
Though this could be used for people who aren’t particularly attractive, it could also be used on hot women to make them think about why you’re not using strong enough language…
Newsflash for you: no words describing appearance are “objective.” You ever hear the song “You Are So Beautiful”? The lyrics add “to me,” but that part’s unnecessary, because that’s really what people mean when they say “You’re beautiful.” Because for every seemingly “objectively” gorgeous person out there, I guarantee you, a nonzero percentage of people will find them unattractive.
Why would anyone be so obsessed with quantifying people’s looks, how to describe them, how to categorize them, etc.?
Say there is a winner of a Miss Universe contest… most people should agree that she is attractive. Not that they are necessarily turned on by her but they should understand why she was chosen - significantly because of her appearance.
There are self-proclaimed “Pick Up Artists” who place a lot of importance with looks. Some of them ask the “hot” girls what do they offer besides there looks because in some situations beauty is common. Though they claim that they don’t get validation from the girls they can get they aim high anyway.
Yes there are songs about subjective beauty, but what about this:
http://www.metrolyrics.com/when-youre-in-love-with-a-beautiful-woman-lyrics-dr-hook.html
Dr Hook - When You’re In Love With A Beautiful Woman
Though of course it isn’t quite everybody…
Is this how you snagged yer ole ball n chain? Knocked her down a peg or two? JC, the PUA. Whoda thunk it? 
Until beings from planets other than earth compete, there is no Miss Universe contest. Let’s get that straight, K? /pet peeve
I think you missed the whole point of that song. 
Dr Hook were a bunch of jokers.
Your concept of female is meaningless on Fy’LoRgleez 3!
Men call me adorable. Really, they do. But I believe that what they mean is “You have a cheery smile and are cute in a slightly overweight, roly-poly puppy sort of way.” They most distinctly do NOT mean that I am “hot.” Just a little input from this perspective.
Maybe so, but I think you will also find that a lot of men would be a lot happier to have an “adorable” girlfriend, wife, or whatever, than a “hot” one. The assumption that every straight man aspires to have a pornstar or supermodel-style “hot” woman is way off the mark.
Very comforting to hear this, njtt! Anyway, I came out of lurkerdom to say maybe I’m the only one, but I admire JohnClay. He’s obviously got some problems navigating the world of human strangeness, but every post and thread demonstrates how hard he’s trying.
How difficult it must be, asking advice for every social situation, questioning your motives at every turn, when most of us would just say, “ok, I don’t like this part about her, but overall it’s all good.” It sounds like a nightmare existence to me.
However, kudos to all who are giving concrete and sympathetic advice to our friend, JohnClay.
Just adding this bit in to apologize to JohnClay for talking about you in the third person in your own thread. 
How about “winsome” or “radiant”?
Try “pulchritudinous” or “callipygian.”
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life
Never make a pretty woman your life
So from my personal point of view
Get an ugly girl to marry you.
– Jimmy Soul, 1963, “If You Wanna Be Happy”
Okay, I’m with you so far… For these kinds of situations, where I want to pay a genuine compliment relating to looks to someone who isn’t really all that to my taste (say a friend has just spent an hour on his hair and outfit and really wants feedback about his look), I’ll pick out a certain item or feature that I can appreciate. “I love that color blue on you! It really brightens up your whole look…good job picking that out!”
If they’re not asking for feedback on their appearance…listen carefully now and pay attention…shut the fuck up. No one cares what you think when they’re not asking you what you think. You can only cause pain with a forced compliment.
Aaaaaand…huh?
Aaaaaand…why are you worried about telling any women anything about their looks other than your wife (who we already know you don’t think is hot)? Stop it. That’s not cool. If you’re not another woman offering makeup/clothing advice, if you’re not available to fuck or finance her, then your opinion of her looks are completely irrelevant and don’t need to be aired. Shut up.
And you tell your *wife *she’s beautiful even if she looks like an obese Yeti with a fungal infection. That’s part of the social contract of marriage. And vice-versa. My husband objectively looks like the lovechild of Tweedledee and a silverback gorilla. I still find him sexy as hell, and I tell him that I find him sexy as hell.
(That being said, my husband knows I don’t play ego games. If I ASK if this skirt makes my ass look like a barge, I really want to know, because I can’t see behind me and I have 12 other skirts I could wear instead. But I’m asking about the SKIRT, not about me. I am still beautiful, goddamn it, even if this skirt isn’t the best option for my ass.)
You’re so beautiful
You could be a part-time model
But you’d probably have to keep your normal job
A part-time model
Spending part of your time modeling,
And part of your time, next to me
– Flight of the Conchords, “Most Beautiful Girl (In the Room)”
That’s what I do… sometimes when my wife is saying I’m really sexy or handsome I just say “thanks” and that’s all…
I didn’t say this possible situation applies to me. Well my wife sometimes says a girl is gorgeous or something and seems to want my opinion. Saying she’s “lovely” would be better than saying she’s gorgeous I think.
Maybe you could just say, “Yes, she’s pretty… but I don’t love her.”