How’d she fit three growing boys in Kotex boxes?
What meals this week would you like me to cook? What chores around the house should be mine? I’m fine with floors or cleaning bathroom, hate dusting, ok with folding laundry or vacuuming. Wanna trade off making each other mixed drinks? Oh I would totally play your piano. But for now let’s perch somewhere and get talking, shall we?
I think I just got disinvited. Even though there are plenty of towels, my husband always finds it easier to use the towel that I used, because he knows which one it is. He sometimes even does this in hotels as well.
He does not do this at home.
I would never scrub the tub after showering, but I would make sure all my stuff takes up as little space as possible.
I behave, and expect guests to behave, approximately the same. Public shared areas, such as kitchen, guest bathroom, guest bedroom, living room, etc. are to be used as the homeowners would use them. And kept tidy. Guests can leave stuff on the coffee table. But they shouldn’t distribute papers and stuff on every horizontal surface.
We generally keep our clutter, except for food and toiletries, in our room, when staying with others. And we keep the door shut, also to keep the dog or cat out of our stuff. Learned that when sister-in-law’s dog took the toothbrush out of our room. He liked peppermint.
It seems the last few times we stayed with somebody we got put to work, because there was some sort of party taking place. Which was part of the reason we were there. So we got to clean windows, etc.
And the main thing we do when staying with somebody, is that we take them out for dinner, at least once. And we pick up groceries, also for them. We’re living together for the week. We aren’t strangers.
I just knew some wiseacre would ask that! 
BBBoo - It wasn’t so much a literal example as wondering to what extreme one would go to remove any trace of their presence. I’d certainly not ask that of a guest - just common sense picking up after one’s self.
Die_C - I wouldn’t disinvite you over towel-sharing, but I find it to be really odd. The thought of using a damp towel when a fresh, dry one is available… does not compute. I wouldn’t say anything to you, but I’d furrow my brow and try to understand. 
For myself, I don’t know if I could cook in someone else’s kitchen, tho I’d help out if ask. But taking my hosts out to dinner or picking up carry-out are obvious. I confess, I don’t really like people using my kitchen. Even when my daughter and SIL lived with us for 2 years, I hated when they cooked. They didn’t do anything wrong, didn’t damage anything, always cleaned up after themselves, but I still didn’t like it. Just one of my charming quirks.
I’ve met you and I’d totally be your houseguest! I must admit I’m more comfortable staying with friends in a way, I’ve got a group of friends that I regularly share accommodation with at music festivals so we’re kind of used to each other.
When we visit family, I am quite happy being in someone else’s home but I like a vague idea of the daily schedule. My partner stays up late and sleeps late, I am often up a few hours before him so I am quite comfortable making myself a cup of tea in your kitchen and sitting in your living room with my laptop or a book. I will happily explore your neighbourhood and (assuming you’ve given me a key), I’ll let myself in and out although I’ll most likely call out a hello to let you know I’m back again.
I will clean up after myself, I’ll ask if I can use the washing machine, and I am happy to help with meal prep and doing the dishes. I would offer to cook, although I know some people are not always happy to have someone cooking in their kitchen, otherwise I’ll pay for meals out at places of your choosing (your area, you know what you like).
And I always use a coaster!!
Of course it depends on whom I’m staying with, but generally I feel very awkward staying at someone else’s home.
-I would probably buy my own groceries especially for breakfasts and snacking. I would not help myself to their food.
-I would not scrub the shower after each use, but I would put all of my personal items away with each use. If it’s a shower that only I am using, I might clean it out before I leave for home.
-The morning of my last day there, I would strip the bed and ask if they wanted me to put clean sheets on it.
-I would definitely help with dishes and cleaning the kitchen.
-I would never go out in the evening and come back late after everyone has gone to bed.
-I wouldn’t expect to be entertained the whole time I was there. I would have places planned to go ahead of time and also I would have books, magazines and my tablet to keep myself entertained.
More than likely, I would get a hotel room instead of being a houseguest. It’s easier on everyone.
A few summers ago, a friend and I went to an out of town wedding. We stayed with her son and his wife for one night (they also went to the wedding). We weren’t at the house for anything except sleeping. But I still found it awkward. I slept in the guest room on the main floor. The couple slept upstairs and my friend stayed in the finished basement. There was one bathroom that was shared by everyone, which is fine except for my nightly peeing routine. On a good night I get up once but this was a bad night. I must have gotten up at least 4 times that night. I felt like I was waking everyone up every time I flushed the toilet. Of course, one of the times I got up, I banged into something. I’m sure that was heard throughout the house. I HATED IT.
…nm
I’ve run into other people with that quirk, though I haven’t got it. If you don’t already know, always ask before using somebody’s kitchen.
I think it’s related to the thing about tools. Some people will happily let you use theirs. Others will only want to make sure you know how. But some people just don’t want anybody else’s hands on their tools; they may come fix whatever you needed that wrench for, but they won’t lend anybody the wrench. – think of how a lot of people now seem to feel about their phones.
I would find that very odd; at least, unless you’d told me that you were on an extremely restrictive diet and it was simpler for you to just bring your own food.
You should be aware that some people would find it insulting: it could easily be taken as carrying the implication either that there was something wrong with their food or their sanitation, or that they’d invited guests who they couldn’t afford to feed. (Buying food for everyone, either for you to cook or in the form of paying for a meal out, doesn’t carry that implication. Bringing all your food supplies to a house you’ve been invited to as a guest would, to some people.)
I’d bring a hostess gift, probably wine or something small depending upon whether I was driving or flying. I wouldn’t feel comfortable poking around in your fridge unless explicitly given permission to do so, but once provided permission I’d try to eat moderately (I’m not about to polish off your potato chips or ice cream unless you’re family). I’d make you coffee in the morning, but only if I knew how strong you like it. I tend to enjoy mine strong enough you can chew it, so if you hadn’t specified and weren’t awake, I’d probably find a coffee shop in walking distance.
I don’t think I’d wander around the house, but in the more public rooms (family room, living room, kitchen), I’d feel welcome to sit down and read a book if you were busy. I’d happily take a walk on my own or call an uber to see the local sights. I’d probably bring knitting for something to do as well.
Before leaving I’d make sure I knew what you wanted me to do with used towels and sheets. Oh, while I was there, I’d wash the dishes, especially if you cook, and I’d offer to pay for groceries. I usually bring at least some snacks with me as well.
We have a 19# pug-shaped early-warning system - nobody sneaks into our house! 
Mostly we are houseguests when we visit our kids. There we mainly act as if we were home. We would not cook something without asking, although I have a shelf of bread making stuff in one son’s house and I am free–indeed expected–to make bread while we are there. I don’t do that with the other two. I will certainly buy groceries as needed. And we come and go as we please. We do laundry as needed, always asking if it would interfere with our hosts’ needs. When they visit us, it is the same.
But the question about laundry reminds me of an experience a friend had. He and his wife were invited to spend a week with a mathematical collaborator in Zurich, who lived maybe 10 km out of town (Greifensee). At some point they asked about doing laundry. Instead of being offered to use the family washing machine, they were told of a laundromat outside of downtown (Schaffhauserplatz). So they stuffed their dirty clothes into suitcase, schlepped it onto a train to downtown Zurich, took a tram up to the laundromat, did the laundry, then did the whole thing in reverse. We know from experience that the Swiss are funny about laundry, but that is a whole nother story (or several).
My preference will always be to stay at a hotel. The worst thing about staying in someone’s home is the threat of surprise small talk: nothing is worse than having to chat with someone before you’ve had your coffee.
I’d eat the food but not anything expensive looking or in short supply. I’d check out the decor but I wouldn’t go into bedrooms. I’m low maintenance and relaxed when I visit/travel.
I’d eat and drink some items, like making coffee, but I’d check there was enough that it didn’t need replacing soon. And I’d provide some/a lot of my own food, not so much that it seemed like they were bad hosts who couldn’t feed me, but enough that they didn’t have to go to lots of extra shopping just for me. That’s a tricky balance to strike.
It especially applies to items I consume more than most people, like Diet Coke, sweetener, tea bags (I take English ones when I go abroad - they are different), and potato chips, or items that go off quickly so have to be bought regularly, like fruit. Basically, for food I probably would mostly check. And I’d offer to pick stuff up on the way home from whatever I’d been doing, assuming I had more time than them.
The rest, pretty much, yeah. I wouldn’t go into any rooms that I hadn’t already been invited in to, even if it seemed like an office or gym rather than a bedroom.
Knocking wouldn’t occur to me if they’d given me a key. And sure, I’d explore the area. One of the delights of staying with friends is getting to know a non-touristy area.
Laundry is something I’d definitely expect to be able to do. I always do laundry on holiday.
And I’d pay for a nice takeaway or meal out, or cook a meal (or at least offer to), at least once during the stay. When you’re saving hotel fees you should acknowledge that in some way. That doesn’t apply when it’s a visit that wouldn’t otherwise have paid for a hotel, though.
When I’ve had guests, seeing them comfortable enough to make their own coffee and tea, and know where to find it, makes me feel like a good host. Guests who expect to be waited on hand and foot annoy me hugely. There are six of us drinking tea here, Joe, you can take your turn to put the kettle on.
I’m coming to your house, @FairyChatMom
There are clean sheets on the guest bed, Becks!
When I’ve been in situations as described by the OP, I’d say I generally try to take less advantage of what is on offer than the host intends. For example, I always try to bring my own towel for washing/showering, so that it’s one less laundry item for the host to do afterwards. I’d consider any books visibly on shelves in rooms open to me to be fair game to read without asking, but I wouldn’t play the piano without asking. I don’t drink tea and hardly drink coffee so making drinks is not an issue, I am genuinely happy with just tap water. I wouldn’t use any kitchen facilities or take/make snacks, those I would expect to provide for myself unless they are specifically offered.
I wouldn’t scrub the tub after a shower but I’d make sure no stray ‘spider legs’ were left hanging around, a bit more assiduously than I might at home. I dislike doing laundry away from home so this is unlikely to arise but if really necessary I would ask first.
I like the idea of cooking a meal for all but cooking in other people’s kitchens is awkward so instead I prefer to treat all concerned to a meal at a decent local restaurant, or failing that order a takeaway meal on my dime - that way everyone wins, and there is less/no washing up for anyone to worry about.
I think it’s a nice gesture to strip the bed of the used sheets on the final morning of one’s stay and leave them in a neat pile ready for the laundry - it’s not much but again just a little something to show you appreciate the effort of hosting.
Writing all this down, I realise most of it was specifically taught me by my mother 
.
No doubt you’re a gracious host and I would be happy to spend a late evening socializing, drinking and eating. But I’m not helping myself to anything that isn’t offered and I’m sleeping at the best conveniently located hotel available. It’s not you, it’s me. I hate morning chit-chat or waiting for the host to make coffee.
Yeah, it’d be a long wait here - I don’t drink coffee. But I keep some on hand and I leave the coffee maker, filters, and whatever else out for company. My morning caffeine is Diet Coke - as God intended.
And I’d be inclined to stay at a hotel, too, unless staying with family. And even then it’d better be really close family.
See? Too many variables.
I’m not about to leave the setting of correct room temperature for sleeping to dumb luck.