Zombie Apocalypse...and you're at work

Sure, you may have your fortefied bunker filled with ammo and food and shit like that…and armored vehicle that can take used deep-fryer grease or used automatic transmission fluid as fuel (gasoline and diesel will be unavailable at this point)…but what contingency plans do you have when you are stuck in your cubicle, with nothing but a keyboard and a phone cord?

Tell me about your plan to stay alive when the undead come jonesin’ for your flesh.

I’d immediately start killing my co-workers with a claw hammer. Sure, the undead may be shortly be scooping my gray matter out with a dessert spoon, but at least I’d finally be rid of those assholes.

During the day, I’m good.

Part Time Job A - Cab Driver - I’m mobile, and I’ve got a radio.
Part Time Job B - Private Music Instructor - based out of my home :smiley:

Main Gig - Performing Musician. Totally depends where I’m playing, and the nature of the outbreak. On the plus side, most places I play have a kitchen and/or bar, so sharp instruments and flammables are available.

Actually, between the downsizing, transfers to other offices and turnover, my office is pretty empty. Although it’s a pretty big area to monitor and defend, the floor is reasonably secure since all the entrances require card access.

I suppose I could survive on vending machine food if the cafeteria is comprimised.

I think I would also want to secure a couple of the stairwells so I can move to other floors, including the roof.

Not sure about available weapons.

A) I’m only about 1.5 miles from my house. I can make it.
B) I work at a research lab. There are tons on things I could weaponize here along with all the tools and a compete machine shop.
C) I’m pretty sure that there are plenty of actual weapons out in the parking lot.
D) We have plenty of vehicles and fuel, as well as generators here inside the perimeter. We also have a fully stocked kitchen and food pantry.

Ah. My department’s admin is responsible for our zombie apocalypse planning, so I’d go see her and then follow orders.

“Thank you for calling A…Brains!!”

Nothing to worry about. I’d simply read and follow the instructions provided in my companies’ comprehensive & user-friendly employee manual! I’ve never cracked it open, but I am sure there are well-thought out plans for evacuation and self-defense in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to mindlessly trolling facebook.

Dum-dee-dum-dee-dum-dum! Hummmm, mmmmmmm, mmmmmmmm. (Twiddle my thumbs, twiddle my thumbs, twiddle my thumbs…)

i telecommute, so I have a number of spiffy guns available to myself … but i would need to figure out something to secure windows. Maybe we could invest in those rollydoor type security window shutters …

Well, I actually work in a pretty securable building (mostly heavy doors, often on top of loading platforms, and there’s plenty to barricade them with and heavy machinery to do it with, inside); there’s a Costco just a couple of blocks away and, somewhat unusually for hippie country, [del]there’s actually a gun store about a mile[/del] scratch that. Double-checking reveals that the local town council refused to renew their business licence about a year back, so they’re out of business. :mad:

Criminey, how did I end up living in a state that’s legally unfriendly to gay marriage, and wanton firearm ownership? Xena would be rolling in her grave.

First, I will need to be provided with some objective criteria for distinguishing the shambling, brain-eating hordes from the invading undead.

I work in a prison. We’ve got generators, guns, food and other emergency supplies, a fully stocked hospital plus barriers to keep the zombies out. We’ll be one of those little isolated spots that hold out and survive as a Redeker outpost until VZ Day.

If it happens after 5pm or so, I should be ok. While the lower floors might get overrun by the recently dead factory workers, I can barricade my floor with little to no trouble. In fact, I think I could probably barricade the stairwell down on 1 and reduce my risk of having a zombie show up in the building at all past the first floor.

In theory, up in the exectuve office and such, there is a ton of canned food. A lot of it is probably “expired” but I’m willing to take that risk.

Overall, I think I could probably last for several weeks here. I am, with the exception of a cleaning guy and 2 security folks, the only one in this 6 story building after 5 or so.

However, I’m not sure if I could stand not trying to make it home. An hour drive. Dang it.

My desk is on the ground floor and has a fetching view of the cemetary, so unless I can convince my boss to install a holy water dispenser (That’s supposed to work against the undead, right?) I’d be screwed in short order no matter what I do.

Holy water is only effective on vampires, not scientific-mumbo-jumbo zombies.

Voodoo-zombies? MAYBE.

First thing’s first.

Bob gets thrown in the furnace. No ifs, ands, or buts.

Hmm, just went a little walkabout and scoped the defensive possibilities. Noted at least two golf clubs within easy range. My mini samurai swords(a gift from my brother in law when they were stationed in Japan) haven’t got an edge, but at 12" long and solid steel they’d make decent stabbing weapons. A folding table could have a leg pulled off to make a club. The arm of a paper cutter could be detached to serve as a passable machete. The question is, are we talking the “I Am Legend” type fast zombies, or the “Solomon Grundy” type zombies? Decapitation or salt and fire? The salt and fire I could probably do, there are breakrooms which seem pretty well stocked nearby and this office is definitely NOT paperless. For the faster ones I’d need to deal with golf clubs and swords. Luckily they seem to go down if you stab them in the right places. The hallways are pretty narrow, so a few people could probably hold them, in addition to the solid steel doors of the stairway which require electronic access with a badge.

All this assumes I’m stuck in my cubicle and the immediate environs. If I can make it to the warehouse(about two minutes away at a run) I’m in much better shape. Not only are there heavy machines(forklifts, cranes, etc.) but I work in an IT shop attached to an avation parts distributor. You could build a few planes out of what we’ve got in the warehouse. Not only that, we have lots of hazardous materials which would give a zombie pause. If that isn’t enough to dissuade them, we’d need to break into the secured section of the warehouse. That’s where they keep the military munitions. Mostly ammo, but I’m pretty sure we stock replacement assemblies for several nose-mounted cannons for various gunships. Given a little time I’m sure we could mount a pretty good defense.

Enjoy,
Steven

I will have to be zombie-fodder. We sign a no-weapons policy as a condition of employment.

To paraphrase John Updike, a bomb could go off at the A&P and no one would notice. The way most of the cashiers and customers are, I don’t think anyone would know the difference.

Well, everybody where I work is packin’, so I guess we’d be okay. Good thing you can shoot those zombie bastards in the head and ice 'em that way!

Oops, we might run outta food in the break room if we were really besieged. I guess we could resort to eatin’ whoever pulled the short straw.

(No, I’m not tellin’ you where I work. :p)