I once worked with a girl who was very, very vain. The one thing she was insecure the most about was the fact that she was very flatchested.
Well, she ended up cheating on her longtime boyfriend with one of our forklift drivers - a real assaholic. He cheated on his wife to be with Miss Thing, and bragged about it to everyone at work. He began leering at us other women - you see, he was pushing 50, and this girl was my age, we were 23 at the time. The leers from him were his way of saying “I got one of you, I could have any one of you I want.” It gave us all the heebies. He started wearing cologne to work, and strutting up to all of us younger women, hitting on us in front of his new mistress. He left his wife, and ditched his kids completely. He refused to pay any child support, because he figured he’s “done enough for them”. His kids were aged 8-12. Real winner, this guy.
So, time goes by, and they are still together, but Miss Thing is starting to realise she snagged a loser. He wouldn’t help her with her bills in any way, or look after her kid (what the heck did you expect, woman?), but worse, he wouldn’t let her go out, not even to get her hair cut. If another man spoke to her, he would yell at her when they got home, saying it was her fault.
I’m getting to it, hang on!
So, one day on our lunch break, we’re all sitting together at a table, her next to her lousy man, and one lady began to complain about how she had a terrible backache. We teased her about it being her boobs that were weighing her down (no kidding, this lady was a bra size E). Obviously, Miss Thing is quite jealous of the giant boobed woman, and so after big boobs leaves, Miss Thing speaks up:
(MT = Miss Thing)
MT: I’m so glad I don’t have boobs that big.
Friend: Oh, you don’t even wear a bra, you wouldn’t know!
MT: Well. It doesn’t matter. I more than make up for it. I have a perfect ass.
Me (dryly): Yes, I see that. He’s sitting right beside you.
Here’s a shorter one:
Friend: He was the same age as me back then.
Me: So you’re older than him now?
Ar ar ar. [/Mork]