Because everything I’m reading in this thread suggests the exact opposite.
Probably, all the times women have dumped total losers by telling them, “You’re really a nice guy, but it’s just not working out.” Said losers go on to assume that, if they got dumped for being a nice guy, it must be because the woman wants to date jerks.
And yet, universal experience, especially with younger girls, shows that it’s true.
I haven’t read the threat in the OP yet, but I would like to state again, for the record, that we here on the Dope are not your Average Bears.
Hell, my first wife dumped me in High School so she could get back together with the tweaker boyfriend. He treated her like crap, she ate it up with a spoon.
Several girls I have had close friendships/relationships with have had the same sort of mentality.
“Younger girls”? Do they learn better as they age?
We go over this every couple months it seems. Women dig guys with confidence, assholes are usually very confident. Assholes don’t start treating women like shit until AFTER they have already gotten their hooks into them, they are probably just as nice as the so called “nice guys” in the beggining.
It comes from the sour grapes of guys who’ve been passed over by women. Naturally, those passed over tend to think their opponents are ‘total bastards’ because who’s going to admit that the better man won?
It also comes from men who observe their sisters and female friends fall for some guy’s initial sales pitch (which comes complete with treating the woman like a queen, total devotion, etc.) only to become hooked on him and then suffer when his true SOB colours emerge. The observer thinks the woman fell for the ‘total bastard’ but the ‘total bastard’ was posing as a nice guy at the time she fell.
Then there’s the women (often younger ones) who’ve seen all the ‘bad boy with a heart of gold’ movies or read the romance novels and fall for a ‘bad boy’ only to find that underneath the ‘bad boy’ exterior is a bad interior.
In short, no woman in her right mind wants a bastard. We end up with them by mistake.
I guess the origin of the myth would be because wimin don’t leave the bastards when they show their true colours. They tell themselves that he’s not that bad, remembering what he used to be like when they first got together and maybe blame themselves that he’s changed.
I agree that no women meet a bastard and think “oooo, sexy” but traditionally when a woman gets into a relationship they try and stick with it. That seems to be something that is fading in modern times though, so maybe this myth will fade too.
Aaaaand **Miller ** nails it in one. Every time a woman says “You’re just too nice” or “You’re more like a friend” as a rejection line a guy’s natural assumption is that the guy who gets her next must be the consumate asshole (since that’s the opposite of what you’ve been…right!!!), and damned if you ever get to meet the new guy there are ten thousand things you can hate about him right away that totally validate your idea that women must love jerks, because, well, just fucking look at him. Douchebag. 
This whole thing tends to happen mostly to younger men, since so many of them think that it’s romantic to put women on pedastals and kiss the ground they walk on (well, at least me and a bunch of my friends did). The secret is to treat women like actual people and engage them as such. Then you get to be the dick to some other dork.
I think a lot of women are reluctant to admit they like jerks, because we know we’re not “supposed” to like them. However, I’ll go ahead and admit it: You guys aren’t totally imagining the “nice guy” stigma. Sometimes women DO choose unstable and jerkish men over kind, caring mature guys. I’ve gone for the jerk myself more than once, and I knew perfectly well that I was doing it.
The key thing is this: Niceness often comes across as weak and boring. Jerks are usually strong personalities with a bit of “danger” or “excitement” (which is sexy to many women). Nobody consciously wants to be mistreated by a jerk, but for some of us the risk of that is preferable to being bored to death with a “nice” nebbish.
I have dated accountants and I have dated musicians. I don’t think it’s too radical for me to say that, as a group, accountants tend to be more emotionally stable, mature people. But musicians are often much more sexy and interesting, so those are the ones I always became hooked on.
I know logically that it’s not in my best interest to go after jerkish musicians. Sadly, for me, love is about who makes your heart beat faster, not about who is the most “logical” mate.
The drama of an unstable relationship can be exciting. The idea of taming a “dangerous” man or saving a self-destructive man from himself can be tantalizing to a woman with a nurturing side.
Plus I think it’s human nature to value something more if it poses a bit of a “challenge” and doesn’t come to you that easily. With nice guys, if I can tell that he is desperate to hold onto me and will let me walk all over him, I don’t have much respect for him. If he’s afraid to disagree with me, and tries to bend himself into something he thinks I’ll like, it comes across as pathetic. Nobody - male or female - respects a doormat.
If this offends anyone, sorry. I’m just being honest.
Once upon a time, when I was a wee freshman, I got a part in the school play.
There was a tight clique of older girls. Juniors. And they were generally pretty sarcastic and nasty. They’d make fun of my classmates, give people cruel nicknames, and so on.
But, for some reason, they were always really really nice to me. I remember the worst one once observed that I had missed a lock of hair in my braids. I blushed and she cornered me later to apologize for embarrassing me. If my mom was picking me up after rehearsal, one always waited with me so I wouldn’t be alone.
I never ditched my friends for them, but I got a lot of “why do you like them? they’re so mean!” and my insecure, new-to-the-whole-idea-of-being-liked-at-all mind took over and said, “they’re not mean! they just tell it like it is!” and the more it became apparent to me that this group of mean girls really didn’t like much of anyone made me feel realyl special. Like there must be something really neat about me that made me okay. And I think that’s what happens a lot with girls. They’ll know a guy is a total and complete jackass, but if that guy likes them, they think that makes them special.
And… if anyone’s interested, the girls in my story never did any of the hollywood things. They weren’t getting me close to them in order to pull any kind of elaborate prank (unless they’re still building up to it post-graduation.) They never turned on each other or tried to get me to do mean things to anyone or told me to do anything to keep their favor. They were just nice to me and mean to everyone else.
I know a lot of guys who just adore superbitches too. It’s not just bastard guys who get all the action. Part of it is that you get one submissive or insecure party who will do pretty much whatever as long as someone luuuurrrrrvvvveeeeessss them… and part of it is that it’s kind of boring when there’s no challenge. when you know you could not bathe for a month and cheat on him and steal his money to buy crack to feed to his dog and he’d still follow you around and stare at you and be all, “you have pretty eyes. You’re the sweetest girl i’ve ever known” … that’s just weird and creepy. It’s much more fun when you don’t feel like you’re doing him a favor by letting him talk to you. Some girls just take that to the extreme.
I’ve also noticed a theme in romance novels: The hero can’t really be a bastard, he has to be fundamentally admirable, but it’s OK if he’s a “bad boy” in a benign sense. Maybe he’s a cop who did some crimes before he went straight. Often he’s an incredibly promiscuous womanizer (who never actually does a woman wrong, by modern standards) until he meets the heroine, who is the first woman he’s ever known who makes him want to go monogamous. I wonder if that’s a common female fantasy?
Well, would you rather be the girl who says “my boyfriend just scored the winning touchdown” or the one who says “my boyfriend got stuffed into a locker today”.
I don’t know that women truly like total bastards. At least they don’t like them BECAUSE they are total bastards. Women like strong, confident, good-looking alpha male types who provide a lot of excitement. Quite often those guys can be arrogant jerks, because they can.
Another thing - sometimes people seem like bastards because quite frankly, they don’t want to put up with your shit. If someone finds your boring, weak, timid, dull, wining, obsequiousness, (traits often associated with “nice” guys) annoying, they might at best actively avoid or ignore you and at worst maliciously seek to be a jerk to you.
Besides, it’s kind of fun to be a total bastard once in a while
Well maybe girls do. Women don’t need somebody else to provide ‘excitement’ for them.
If you’re that boring that you have to go find a ‘bad boy’ to add a little interest to your life then I’m thinking you’re well matched with one.
It’s also a total fallacy that ‘nice’ equates with ‘boring’ and that there are exactly two kinds of people. Unfortunately, too many people run into ‘doormat’ and mistake that for ‘nice’. That’s not ‘nice’. Self-abnegating is not ‘nice’, it’s pathetic. A true nice guy is confident without being arrogant and can be kind and considerate and loving without acting like a pet puppy.
I’m actually curious what people are talking about when they mean “total bastards”.
I’m going to say anything that hasn’t already been said a hundred times before except for two things:
!.) There are two sides to every story. So if you’re listening to women talking about what “dicks” their BFs are being; remember you’re not hearing HIS side of the story.
2.) If you’re constantly dealing with women who seem to have a thing for jerks, you might want to consider changing something in your own life. Like maybe stay away from bars. I’m not saying women who go to bars are unstable. Just that, Bars to unstable people is like a moth to a flame. (That’s just one example but you get my point.)
I tend to see it more like this: It’s not that most women dig total bastards, it’s that most total bastards end up with the best women.
My definition of “total bastard” is the guy who keeps pushing and pushing until he gets what he wants, regardless of other peoples’ feelings.
It just seems logical that the bastard will eventually land a prize, simply by virtue of not giving up.
…or a restraining order.
I think it’s mostly just jealousy.
I used to think this way, when I was younger. I think a lot of teenage guys do. Even the ones who have success with girls will think the boyfriend of a girl that doesn’t want them is an asshole. But you should grow up out of this attitude. If you don’t by the time you’re in your twenties, there’s something wrong.
Uh huh. “This thread” is being contributed to while the women are sitting at their 'puters typing away, and in a rational state of mind.
Now put her walking down a sidewalk and let Bad Boy get off his Harley wearing his bad boy outfit with a day’s growth of beard and she gets a visceral reaction.
Posting on the SDMB is in the abstract. That IRL bad boy is real, and when she sees him, something gets triggered.
“Bad boys get the women” is not a myth. You don’t even have to be a real bad boy. Just look like one and be perceived as a bad boy and things will work out for you. 
But lots of women DO like that, and it’s absurd to pretend otherwise.
Women don’t go for jerks any more than men go for bitches. Some people have bad taste and make bad decisions, and some don’t.