My Husband is at a Strip Club and I Can't Stop Crying

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Dear husband,

Why the fuck did you have to go there tonight? Really, why did you fucking have to?!?! “It’s my buddy’s bachelor party. Do you really want me to miss it?” you said. Like that somehow makes this all right. Like that somehow makes ME the bad guy here for being pissed that you went to this damn club. It’s not like my hatred for strip clubs is totally unfounded.

About a year ago, not two weeks before our wedding I sat at home 7 months pregnant big as a house, insecure as all hell to begin with while you and your “buddies” went to a strip club for your very own bachelor party. Everyone assured me that it was “no big deal.” “Guys go to these things all the time,” they said. “It means nothing.” Well last time I checked what you did while you were there was far from “no big deal.” And while it may have meant nothing to you it sure as hell meant a lot to me.

It was bad enough that you got a private lap lance. But it was something that I agreed to ahead of time. I tried to be that “cool fiancé” so assured that it all “means nothing and is no big deal.” I was upset when you went but I thought that a simple lap dance was as far as it would go. A 5- minute little show then you’d be coming back to me, never to happen again. But no, it was WAY more than a little 5 minute show. “I was drunk,” you said. “It meant nothing,” you said.

So it meant nothing when she kissed you. It meant nothing when she stuck her nipple in your mouth. Her NIPPLE!!! It meant nothing when she rode your crotch for over twenty damn minutes and made you cum! It meant nothing when she offered to take you to a private room and fuck you! Thank God you said no to that offer or I would have dumped your ass right then and there - wedding or no wedding, baby or no baby.

I’m glad you felt better after you told me what happened. I’m glad that your guilty conscience was relieved of its guilt. How did it feel to look down at me hysterically crying that night? How did it feel to hear me tell you you cheated on me that night? How the fuck would you have handled it if you found out that I had kissed some stripper, stuck my nipple in his mouth, and then grinded up against HIS crotch until I came?? Oh, no, I couldn’t have done that for my bachelorette party. You see strip clubs don’t take to kindly to huge pregnant women coming in to oogle the men.

So now this brings us back to tonight. You’re out again at yet another strip club with another group of buddies for another bachelor party. I told you how much I hated that you wanted to go. I hate it with every fiber of my being. I hate that men can go to these places, walk in the front door, and they are somehow absolved of all guilt. Somehow strip club + lots of booze + bachelor party = a license to cheat.

Now I know that I’m not your keeper. You don’t need my permission to do anything or go anywhere. Our relationship does not now and will not ever work like that. So telling you that you couldn’t go tonight didn’t even cross my mind. What I want to know is why you went, knowing our history. This place is even sleazier than the last one so who know what the hell they allow to happen there. Having a few beers in you was somehow enough of a justification then for what you did less than two weeks before our fucking wedding!!

I want to trust you so badly and I do, normally. Other than that one night I have never had any reason not to trust you. You even told me what happened afterward. You knew how much it would hurt me, but you knew that you had to be honest with me. I thank you for that. Really, I do. Just please, I’m begging you, stay away from these damn strip clubs.

Love,
Wife

2

You really should have posted this in MPSIMS because you might not like the response you get here. I will refrain from posting what I think in light of how upset you are.

3

I have requested a move.

4

HUG

Sorry to hear about all that. Strip clubs are really awful places. It’s tough to understand how a man would choose being in one over being with his wife, bachelor party or no. Miss the damn party. Better that that grievously upset your wife.

The whole bachelor party thing is degrading and stupid. I avoided having one when I got married this summer.

5

This is a very tactful response, and like askeptic I’m going to save my response until later on as you’re probably not going to agree with it and I don’t think that’s what you were hoping to get out of this thread.

6

What a selfish ass. I’d’ve told him he could obviously do anything he wanted to do, but if that included something that was so utterly disrespectful of my feelings, he may as well pack a bag on his way out, because he’d find the locks changed when he got back.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. :frowning:

7

A lot of guys go to strip clubs. They do not necessarily cheat on their wives. They do not have affairs with the women. It is a suckers game and wastes a lot of money. But the only real threat to a marriage is if you make it that way. It has nothing to do with you.
If he goes every time there is a bachelor party ,he does not go often. Get over it. If you choose not to ,both of you will be miserable for a long time. That is a crappy payoff.

8

Sorry to hear, OP.

I believe in letting consenting adults do what they do. My views are colored by my values. For what it’s worth I agree with you, but maybe that wasn’t the deal you made with your husband.

My only advice is that you fix the situation…I mean, if I read you correctly you now have a child together. I understand you trying to take the high road, but the stakes are much higher now. You have a child to consider and if this is going to cause a deeper rift between you and the husband, you have to address with him.

9

I am not looking to only get responses from those that agree with me. The whole strip club scene is one that I truly don’t understand or agree with. If anyone could shed some light on it so to speak, I’d appreciate it.

On the whole, I think strip clubs are fine. I even went to a co-ed club with my husband down in New Orleans. The clubs can provide a place for guys to go and unwind, to fantasize about other women, hang out with their buddies, whatever. Before last year, I viewed them as basically just one step up from porn. Where it crosses the line for me is when these fantasies become reality and physical interactions take place.

10

That’s a great answer, just what we need, another kid growing up in a broken home…:rolleyes:

11

I sympathise with the OP, and If it was me I’d stay at home, but Peer-Presure is more powerful than you think. Imagine how offended if the friend who’s batchelor part it is would be if his best mate didn’t go?

12

The issue is not the strip club. It’s that this man obviously doesn’t care enough about his wife’s needs to not go given his history and the fact that she’s obviously upset about it. Going to a strip club isn’t bad- choosing a strip club over your wife’s feelings is bad.

13

I’ve moved the thread to MPSIMS.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through, DoperChic. He made the wrong call in going, and I hope you’re able to work past it soon.

14

Uh, did you read the part about the happy ending lap dance? She has a right to be pissed.

Under normal circumstances, I would think the OP is being overly sensitive, but, again, given his history, the circumstances aren’t normal.

15

Oh Hell no! If my husband had done that before we got married, he wouldn’t be going to a strip club again. If he did go when he knew how much it was obviouly hurting me… I don’t know. As his wife you deserve more respect.

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I agree with everything you’re saying about strip clubs.

I guess the next time the Chippendales come to your town, we know where you’ll be!:wink:

16

Cut her some slack, guys.

There’s a difference between “omg all strip clubs are nasty and you are a disgrace to me if you ever set foot in one!” and “For very specific reasons, I was devistated the last time you did this thing. It was even devistating to you. It would really hurt me if you did it again. And now you’re doing it again…”

17

HUGS to the OP.

I’m sitting here feeling all emotional over this. I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I’m not the crying type, but your OP really got to me. And nothing like what is happening to you has ever happened to me. I can just feel your pain. I hope you’re able to feel better soon.

18

While I agree husband is an ass, it doesn’t seem to be the big deal you are making it either. I don’t really like strip clubs myself. When I do go it’s usually to play a game or two of pool with the guys. I honestly don’t pay much attention to the dancers.

If you man is going to be unfaithful, I doubt it will be a strip club that will be your relationship’s undoing.
Sorry for your pain.

19

Group hug from the Straight Dope:slight_smile:

20

Ah women. Can’t live with em, can’t live without em.