RIDICULOUSLY Corny Jokes, Appropriate for 3rd-Graders

Cafe Society
1

I’ve been appointed to do a standup comedy routine for a gathering of 3rd- and 4th-graders at church next weekend. I need some unbelievably corny jokes (my whole schtick is going to be that I’m incapable of telling a remotely funny joke; they’re all going to be corny zingers - I’ll even have a guy at the drums to provide rimshots).

Here’s what I’ve got so far:

ME (TO STRAIGHT MAN): Hey Justin, a good friend of mine got hurt at work, and now he has a weak back.

STRAIGHT MAN: Oh no, when did that happen?

ME: About a week back. :: rimshot ::

–

ME (TO STRAIGHT MAN): Hey Justin, what’s your favorite baseball team?

STRAIGHT MAN: The St. Louis Cardinals.

ME: I’m sorry?

STRAIGHT MAN: I said “The Cardinals.”

ME: I heard you, I’m just sorry. :: rimshot ::

–

ME (TO AUDIENCE): Have any of you guys ever been to Hawaii?

LETS AUDIENCE RESPOND

ME: Well, I know a little Hawaiian… Her name is Lilo and she’s going into 2nd grade. :: rimshot ::

–

Any more ideas?

TIA

2

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot.

3

What time do you go to the dentist?

Two-thirty
(Tooth-Hurty)

4

What pink and puffy?
A pink puff.

What’s blue and puffy?
A pink puff holdng its breath.

What’s brown and sticky?
A stick.

5

What’s red and sticky?

Baton Rouge.

6

How about elephant jokes? They’re so old that they’re due for a revival.

7

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Becasue 789!
(7 ate 9, getit?)

8

What’s about a foot long and slippery?
A slipper.

9

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Banana!

Banana who?

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Banana!

Banana who?

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Banana!

Banana who?

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Orange!

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn’t say “banana” again?

10

Knock-knock!

Who’s there?

Annoying Cow!

Annoying Cow wh—MOOOOO.

11

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants coming over the hill?

"Hey, here comes a herd of elephants coming over the hill.

What did Tarzan say when he saw a herd of elephants wearing sunglasses coming over the hill?

Nothing; he couldn’t recognize them in disguise.

12

I saw a little girl tell this one on television. Her deadpan delivery just made it.

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
Where’s my tractor?

13

Duck walks into a drug store and buys a chapstick. Clerk says will that be cash or charge. Duck says neither ,put it on my bill.

14

No no no no! It’s “The Interrupting Cow”!

15

Nuh uh! It’s ANNOYING Cow. Only you have to be really annoying when you do it. Maybe you can’t be annoying enough so you had to say Interrupting, so there. :stuck_out_tongue:

16

What’s invisible and smells like carrots?

A bunny fart!

17

What did the zero say to the eight?

Nice belt!

18

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

You 'neak up on him!

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

The tame way, you 'neak up on him!

19

I’m with Ogre - it’s “interrupting cow.”

As a followup, tell the one about the interrupting starfish. When they get to their second question, cover their face with your palm, your fingers spread out.

20

You’re both wrong. It’s Impatient Cow. So there.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
A stick.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.