Not sure if this is the correct thread or not but any who I know this is super long. Sorry!
So i thought me and this guy were just friends with benefits but now I’m confused by how he’s acting. We met in November but didn’t sleep together until March (only have slept together 3 or 4 times in total). Okay so he kind of wanted to date me but I kind of shot him down now he says he doesn’t want anything. I live two hours away in a different city (I used to live in his city and all my friends are there so I go there almost every weekend to see them/go out and if I have time I’ll see him too). He asks for me to spend the night quite a bit lately.He was going through something and asked me to come over to keep his mind off of things and we just chilled while he laid in my lap and I rubbed his head, no sex, he tried I said no, then later I tried then he told me no so I just slept over. I left the next morning, he calls that night to ask me to come back I said no but I’d let him know when I would be back in town. Days later before I get a chance to even talk to him he calls and ask me when I’m coming back said I wasn’t sure and but then he asked, then insisted that I come that night.
He is supposed to go out but instead for whatever reason stays in with me and we fall asleep cuddling, me sleeping on his chest. I stay until 4 pm the next day, leave and hours later he calls me and asks me to come back and see him before he goes out, I was with my friend and said I couldn’t. He goes out that night he texts me drunk and says “come to me” then starts calling me to come over I say no then he starts saying how I need to come over “because I just want to hold you as I fall asleep” then asked “wait, are you with that guy right now. I’m getting pissed, you’re my girl” then said that he wanted me to go to church with him the next day and is still asking for me to come see him but I still couldn’t come over.
The next morning he texts me saying he wants me to go to church with him so I go (first time going with him) afterwards I say that I’m leaving and he pretty much starts begging me to stay saying he didn’t want me to hang out just for 30 min just for me to leave and for me to stay. He says “I thought you wanted to spend more time together, I’m trying to and now you don’t that’s f*cked up”. He tells me not to leave but to but do my work there instead so I could spend the night so I stay for a bit and he makes dinner, he tries to have sex I say no because I kind of was in a funky mood all day and he just asking me what was wrong said he wanted to know and that he could talk to me and then pulled me to him and he held me for a while and he kept asking me to spend the night again but decided to go home.
I’m confused because he’s behavior is throwing me off. He gets jealous of other guys that I talk to. He keeps asking about this one guy in particular, tries to look into my phone, got mad because I was sending another guy a Snapchat while he was there, said “hmm you have a lot of guy friends”. We even held hands (even though he was drunk) but he doesn’t like to kiss much anymore which is throwing me off. My friends say they would never ask their fwb to go go to church with them, or ask their fwb to come over when they’re down, and keep asking to see so much. He wants to know when I’m quitting my job (I’m trying to move up there).Even asked when he comes to my city do I want for him to see me (I said no because I just wasn’t feeling how things were with us at the moment) I kind of messed up things before (when were initially dating a few months in, not exclusively, he found out that I was seeing 3 other guys in addition to him not sleeping just dating then backed off quite a bit)
that same Sunday when i said i didn’t like him after church he kept asking me to stay and I was only there for 30 Min and he said I didn’t ask you over here just for 30 min for you to leave why don’t you want to stay? I was like I just don’t want to be here and he kept asking why and I said I just don’t…I tried to play it off and said I had some work I needed to do before the lunch meeting the next day and he was like just use your tablet or why can’t you just use my laptop and stay here and spend the night? I said I’d rather go home and do it and that’s when he was like you complain about us not spending more time with each other I’m trying to and you’re trying to leave right now that’s f*cked up" I was like what are you talking about I never complained about that (which was true) and then I left but came back because I got stuck in traffic lol…then later on I said “yea I just don’t like you” (I was kind of joking but not, I was just frustrated with him) and he looked me shocked, understandably so, and then was like really? I just kind of didn’t say anything. Any who he kept asking me to spend the night then he looked into my phone saw that my gut friend wanted me to come over and asked if I was going to see him.
I didn’t hear from all that following week which was weird. Finally called and talked to him and he tells me he doesn’t want me to get attached. What the heck? Why in the world would he think that when he did all that stuff that I mentioned (kept asking to see me, getting upset about other guys, etc.)? It just doesn’t make sense lol. Really how does he not want me to get attached when HE was doing all that stuff and I was the one trying to leave and was getting ready to hang out with another guy? Then he says “yea I just feel bad using you for sex”, again what in the world? You just use me for sex but I go home two hours away, but you ask for me to come back that same night just for sex? Want to hold me in your arms as you fall asleep because it was just sex? Being almost clingy because it’s just sex? Correct me if I’m wrong but I feel like he did too much for it to be just sex. Then I say how are you using me if we’re both on the same page on what we do and don’t want?
Then here comes the kicker, he said well there’s someone else. I said oh when did you meet her, he said in December (we met in November). So I ask so was she out of town last weekend or something? Because remember before I even got a chance to let him know when I was coming back he called me at 3:30 that afternoon saying he wanted me to come up there, stayed there until 4 pm the next day, then he asked me to come over again only a few hours later then calls me again to come back spend the night, then wants to go to church the next morning, and tells me he’s trying to work on spending more time together, tells me to do my work there so that I can spend the night. Any who he says the other girl conveniently to a wedding that weekend. Then I asked why didn’t he ask her over the week before when he was feeling down instead of me to which he replies “oh I think she was busy”, again how convenient. I asked, “you think how do you not know?” The person you supposedly want is conveniently busy so you ask your booty call instead of waiting for the girl you want? I know he has a best friend is a girl so why not ask her next instead of your fwb?
Also where was this girl the week before then when I spent the night the Saturday, Sunday, and he wanted me to come back
that Monday and then begged to see me again days later especially since we don’t live in the same city? Then I mentioned the other guy that I had a date with a few weeks ago then he pops up and proceeds to ask me, “have you had sex with him? Did you blow him, did you kiss him?” “Do you like this dude or what?” If you really have this girl then what do you care?
After that I just completely left him alone because it’s just too messy for fwb. Two weeks go by and this past Friday he calls me drunk saying how he missed me, how it feels like we haven’t seen each other in months and asked why haven’t we talked in two weeks and wanted to know if I was with that guy that I mentioned above. Then he says “when you lay next to me it just feels right”, “I just want to hold you in my arms as I fall asleep” (he said that drunk to me 2 weeks before too) “I just miss talking to you, we don’t even have to have sex I just want to talk” and how he needed to see me and how we have this connection and that he wanted me to come over to talk about us and our situation. Finally he said he just wants to see where this goes with us. The next day he texted me saying he was drunk and I said ok and he asked if I was mad, I said nope and the he asked what he said to me the night before and I replied oh nothing much then he calls me to ask again if I was mad and why I was being so short. So that night I get drunk and text him and said he really pisses me off, to which he replies ok. Then he calls me the next day and I explain to him he’s just so wishy washy and I’m just over the situation and told him what he said when he was drunk, (how he said he missed me and wanted to see me) but not everything. He said he said that because he was being an a**hole. I guess he’s disregarding the things he had said when he called drunk.
What the heck? lol.
