100 Great Things About Being A Gay Man!

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I decided to do something silly for my 100th post. I received an e-mail from a friend of mine that I think some of y’all might get a chuckle or two from:

100 GREAT THINGS ABOUT BEING A GAY MAN!

  1. You truly don’t care who Julia Roberts is sleeping with.
  2. You understand the difference between 43 brands of imported vodka.
  3. You can call anyone “honey” including pets.
  4. You know someone who definitely was in the emergency room with Richard Gere and the gerbil.
  5. You understand the immense importance of good lighting.
  6. You can be at a crowded disco the size of two football fields and still spot a toupee.
  7. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit, and mean her bathing suit.
  8. You can explain the nuances between steady date, boyfriend and lover.
  9. You really have “been there, done that”.
  10. Your women friends will tell you everything you want to know about their boyfriends. And that means everything.
  11. You’re the only type of male who gets to say “fabulous”.
  12. You can have naked pictures of men you don’t know in your home.
  13. You can have naked men you don’t know in your home.
  14. You know how to handle the telephone like a Stradivarius.
  15. You understand why the good Lord invented spandex.
  16. You understand why the good Lord didn’t intend everyone to wear it.
  17. You know how to get back at just about everyone.
  18. You know who Edina and Patsy are.
  19. You only wear polyester when you mean to.
  20. You can smile to let someone know you can’t stand them.
  21. You can freeze a troll from 20 feet away.
  22. You’re good pals with women other people can’t stand.
  23. You’ve always got an opinion.
  24. You’ve read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.
  25. You know how to dress strategically.
  26. Your car has an amusing female name.
  27. You’re the only one at your high school reunion who looks a lot better than you did in high school.
  28. You’ve got at least one framed picture of a pet.
  29. If your mattress could talk, it would be Joan Rivers.
  30. You know that sex complicates things. So?
  31. You know that being called a “cheap slut” isn’t actually an insult.
  32. There’s a married guy somewhere who is terrified of you.
  33. Nobody tells you what to do in bed…unless you tell them what to tell you.
  34. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.
  35. You have at least one movie musical on video.
  36. You’re embarrassed by people who sing in piano bars.
  37. You’re not embarrassed to sing in a piano bar.
  38. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade or two.
  39. You know how to make an entrance.
  40. You know when to make an exit.
  41. You worry about people you don’t even know – like Liza Minnelli.
  42. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.
  43. You know how to program your VCR.
  44. You’ve got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.
  45. You have a cologne display worthy of Bloomingdales.
  46. You understand, viscerally, Joan Crawford.
  47. Some of your best friends are your ex lovers.
  48. You know when to play dumb.
  49. You know what to do for a hangover.
  50. Yes, you do have a condom.
  51. You’ve called someone “girlfriend” who is neither a girl nor a friend.
  52. One or more of the following apply to you:
    a) You adore Judy Garland
    b) You hate Judy Garland
    c) You hate people who adore Judy Garland.
    d) You hate people who hate Judy Garland.
    e) You don’t give a damn about Judy Garland.
    f) Who is Judy Garland?
  53. You can supply the last names to the following list:
    a) Bernadette
    b) Chita
    c) Barbra
  54. You made Donna Summer a star.
  55. You made Donna Summer a has-been.
  56. Tanning salons were invented for you.
  57. You’ve made sunbathing a performance art.
  58. You know when the party’s over.
  59. You know where to go after the party’s over.
  60. You’re fearless about fighting the elements, especially gravity.
  61. When you hear “a stitch in time saves nine” you think of
    a) Your grandma
    b) Your face lift
    c) John Wayne Bobbit.
  62. You know that pigs and bears are not necessarily rural wildlife.
  63. Your roommate can be your roommate and not your “roommate”.
  64. You know that referring to someone as “a real lady” isn’t necessarily a compliment.
  65. Your favorite dinner accessory may also be your dinner companion.
  66. You know that the most important part of a party’s decor is the catering staff.
  67. If your cat is a female, you swear it’s a lesbian.
  68. If your cat is a male, you swear it’s a lesbian.
  69. You sing along heartily with songs that make most females cringe, like “Stand by your man”.
  70. You’ve been to a bris, a barmitzvah, a christening, a first communion and too many weddings. You have a carefully considered evaluation of the food after each.
  71. You’ll never have to hear your mother complain about your wife.
  72. A two seater convertible seems perfectly practical to you.
  73. You have a favorite Disney character and it’s usually a nasty one.
  74. You’ve left someone totally speechless.
  75. You’ve shaved something other than your face.
  76. All your friends do not have to “get along”.
  77. You have a large collection of anniversary pictures. They may be with different guys, however.
  78. Your love handles are actually used as such.
  79. When someone turns his back on you, you actually consider it an opportunity.
  80. You’ve got a large assortment of movie star biographies.
  81. You’ve got the most interesting coffee table books.
  82. You know where to find a meat rack and it ain’t in your kitchen drawer.
  83. You have a sexual persuasion with its own flag.
  84. At some moment in your life you’ve envisioned having back-up girls.
  85. You know your enemies.
  86. After a workout at the gym, you feel like a new man. And he’s right there in the shower.
  87. You’re Barbra Streisand’s biggest fan.
  88. You know that Barbra Streisand’s biggest fan is Barbra Streisand.
  89. Not only have you added spice to your life – sometimes you’ve added side dishes.
  90. You know that “small talk” can be about spirituality or politics, and “important issues” can be about Hair.
  91. You’ve actually lived out some of your fantasies.
  92. Unlike most straight women, you have no problem being treated solely as a sex object.
  93. You have no doubts about the accuracy of the Kinsey Report.
  94. You know, by heart, every line in:
    a) All about Eve
    b) The Rocky Horror Picture Show
    c) Your face
  95. You are ALWAYS ready for your close-up.
  96. You have 412 ways to tell someone to get lost. 136 are nonverbal.
  97. You can lip-sync to at least one Supremes song.
  98. You have a carefully selected Yiddish vocabulary.
  99. Even if you’re in Kansas, you’re not in Kansas anymore.
  100. You know exactly how many martinis it takes.
  101. When throwing a party, you know how to put out quite a spread. Sometimes after the party, too.
2

Although I don’t agree with most of them, you obviously forgot the most important one: “You get to do it with other men” should probably be number one.

3

So just who are Edina and Patsy?

4

Absolutely Fabulous. The TV show with Jennifer Saunders and Joanna Lumley. Hysterically funny.

Did the US knock off ever get made?

5

Nope. IIRC Roseanne Arnold bought the American rights and then did nothing with them.

6

Here’s some links for you UncleBeer:

AbFab 1

AbFab 2

AbFab 3

7

“I’m Patsy Stone, sweetie … Patsy Stone. One word from me and hem-lines are up so high the world’s your gynacologist”

8

I don’t usually do grammar flames but I wanted to point out a minor type-o in primaflora’s post:

“hysterically funny” should have read “stupid and boring”.

As for the list, I have a co-worker who sets of my gay-dar (what little I have) but I have had no real reason to think he is gay. Number 28 finally provides that proof.

9

Uncle Beer, for the love of all that is holy do not check out those links. Once you know who Edina and Patsy there will be no turning back!

Just counting here… I am hetero and can apply 26% of them to myself, will I suddenly become gay if I cross 30%? 40%?

10

Who knows, Feynn - SqrlCub swears I’m 90% lesbian, and I’m still het. :slight_smile:

11

My GF and I are big AbFab fans. Our local Blockbuster had all the episodes right on the shelves. So if anyone’s curious, Blockbuster may have them or should be able to order them from another store.

My GF and I like a lot of the various Britcoms. But AbFab was far and away the best.

12

Actually Feynn, anything over 25% would be questionable. :wink:

13

Dear God. I should have known better. Edina and Patsy aren’t quite on par with the hell that is “Smallwonder,” SqrlCub’s fave, but they could challenge for the top spot.

14

I don’t usually do grammar flames but I wanted to point out a minor type-o in UncleBeer’s post:

“Edina and Patsy aren’t quite on par with the hell that is ‘Smallwonder,’ SqrlCub’s fave, but they could challenge for the top spot” should have read “Such pap! Can you possibly be the intelligent dopers that I know and love?”

15

Congrats on your 100th post Cajun Man and super big HUGS to you.

I personally was quite depressed watching Absolutely Fabulous. Sometimes it completely hit the mark but I knew too many people who were just like Patsy and Edina.

My favourite scene was as follows (not entirely verbatim):

Patsy: When your mother was pregnant with you, I knew you were bad. The first thing I told her was ABORT! ABORT! ABORT! Get me…

Saffie: A knitting needle?

Patsy: (venomously) A nitting needle!

hehehheeh. That made me laugh.

Falcon, you are 90% lesbian on the fact that you like the Indigo Girls alone…oh and the fact that you always physically abuse me or Satan when you see us. :wink: heheheheh Not that lesbians are physically abusive or anything. Just trying to throw in some “butch” traits. I think I will change the subjects before I dig myself deeper. :slight_smile:

Unclebeer, I hate Small Wonder. I find it like a bad car wreck that always has a hidden body somewhere for me to spot. I don’t want to see it but sometimes I am just compelled and as I now know, so are you. heheheheheh First you started looking at Small Wonder sites and then you were kissing guys for money. Who knows what you are doing now since a year has passed. :wink: I should find that link. Gays +1, Straights -1. :wink: j/k

HUGS!
Sqrl

16

Cajun Man, what about track lighting? That’s the best thing, IMO.

:smiley:
Happy 100th!

17

Happy 100 Cajun Man! :slight_smile:
Rose

18

I am 100% heterosexual, and miss Roberts could be sleeping with a hairy 2.5 meter gorilla for all I care. In fact, I hope she does.

But congrats on 100, CajunMan!

And whomever thinks AbFab isn’t funny has a serious lack of humour. IMHO.

19

Happy 100! And here’s to 100 more. And don’t take another 7 months to do it. Speak up Man.

20

Ouch. ::cringe::