This is a rant about all those damn bastards who keep throwing their gayness all over me! Some complete twit yesterday ruined my grimy jeans yesterday by turning them into clean, form-fitting low-riders. I won’t even get into what happened to my plaid shirt! Then that pansy threw it all over my hair, absolutely destroying my mullet! Its taken me years to grow that! Oh and now my rusty pickup truck has been turned into a Volvo complete with HRC bumper sticker! This really has to stop, folks! Please keep your gayness to yourself, or I’ll be forced to sue for my aggregate laundry bill!
Any lesbians willing to help counteract these effects?
I been in hiding for awhile from those gays. Just one look from them back when I ws in college experimenting with the leader of my church group sent my backside reeling…so now I stay away from them because I don’t want that thing doing unnatural stiff! Sometimes I have to make out with my beautiful, svelte wife and have my ten kids surround us just so those gays know I’m a hetro-sexual. I don’t want no thick penis in my mouth. It shouldn’t be able to fit into a man’s mouth, only a woman’s … er, and only if it’s for the purposes of procreatin’!
What’s that, honey? You need some massive cock in your vagina? Okay! Since I am a very hetrosexual man, and not attracted to other men like that gay Elton, I’ll just go over and have lots of sex with you and rub your breasts a lot because I know how you love squirming around when I do that!
Gayness, huh? So that’s what they’re calling it these days. Although if manly/womanly parts are “his (throbbing) manhood” or “her (dripping) womanhood”, I suppose that “gayness” is a decent term for semen. You’d have to change it to “straightness” for writing het though, or it might be a bit confusing.
Don’t mind me, I’ve been spending too much time at FF.net lately, and I think the badfic is starting to rot my brain.
Well, I’m back from my usual 15 mind-blowing orgasms from having sex with my wife. I came all over her because I love coming all over a woman’s body, and she loves it when I cover her with an inch-thick layer of my manfluid. Manfluid is a gift from God, we always say. I don’t even make her swallow. I love licking it off her body. She loves when I … I mean, SHE licks it up! Cuz I hate the taste! HATE IT! I HATE THE TASTE OF SEMEN! YES I DO! THE GOOD LORD MADE ME HETROSEXUAL, THAT’S RIGHT! SEE HOW MANY KIDS WE’VE HAD? THAT MEANS I’M A HETROSEXUAL! CUZ I LOOOOOOVE HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE!
I got some gayness on me once. I collected as much of it as I could and put it in a jar. I was trying to cultivate and grow my own gay man, for fashion and decorating tips and stuff. Never did work. All I could ever get it to grow into was very flamboyant Sea Monkeys.
If I could save gayness in a bottle
the first thing that I’d like to do
is steal all the mens from those bitchy harping shrews
and then
I’d go shopping for shoes…
