Which definition? There is one for “wedging” that is about sleep deprivation (and is voted one thumb up, six down, so I’m not buying that one based on that reference alone), and another one under “wedge,” which is a bit more vulgar, but more supported by readers:
That one gets 51 up, 25 down.
“The act of penetrating the vagina just once and then pulling out again. This can also be known as “wedging”, not really sure why anyone would do it but I hear its been done.”-Well this has GOT to be about the stupidest, most unappealing sex act EVER.
fapfapfapfapfapfap*
no teabagging or calling people faggots. That’s something 12 year olds do.
…
FAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAPFAP
You can’t force anyone else to share your values. You can and should tell her what your values are, but you can’t make her adopt them as her own.
A tempting alternative for some people would be to strongly discourage her from saying anything about her values if they differ from yours. That at least lets you be in denial and pretend she shares your values. But that’s a mistake, especially when it comes to sex. Pregnancy and STDs don’t go away if you don’t talk about sex. They’re more likely if you stick your head in the sand and refuse to acknowledge that she might be having sex, because she might not have accurate information about preventing them.
That’s an interesting question. Certainly, a parent can’t “force” her values on her daughter, but isn’t it a parent’s obligation to teach her children the difference between “right” and “wrong”? Can’t a parent say: “This is what we believe as a family because of our traditions / culture / religion / community / morality / common sense”? If you teach morality and lead by example, isn’t that what being a parent is all about?
Isn’t a child of parents who simply throw up their hands and say: “Hormones, can’t beat 'em, here’s a condom, best 'o luck” more likely to engage in premarital sex than a child whose parents teach the sanctity of the sexual act and respect for their own bodies and those of others? Certainly, all teenagers rebel, but most children are loath to expressly defy a deeply ingrained moral imperative, even if it’s one that’s sanctioned by society at large.
Have you ever been to Squirrel Hill? Do you think the Chassids pass out birth control to their daughters? No, they teach them that sex between a husband and wife is a way to approach the Divine, and that sex between unmarried parties is not. And, for the most part, you don’t see pregnant teen Chassids.
tl;dr, If protecting one’s daughter from being taken advantage of by teenage boys is important to a parent, it should be no less important to teach what sex means to you in your family than to teach what honesty or charity mean in your family. One should no sooner “expect” one’s children to be promiscuous than should one “expect” one’s children to be habitual liars.
You can say “this is what I believe and I hope you share my values” - but no, no one, not even a parent, can say “our FAMILY has these values” and enforce that. You can lead by example, but that may not be sufficient.
If you raise your child in a very confined community, you can expect your children will be more adherent to the community mores. But most of us are raising our kids in public schools, with the internet, in large and diverse communities - therefore it behooves us to guide our children along a broader path, where they will be exposed to more choices and may make choices that we would rather they not make.
However, genies are notoriously hard to get back into bottles and Pandoras box can be closed, but recatching the evil let loose is hard. A fourteen year old interested in cyber sex has already slipped from innocence. As a parent, you can encourage her to delay physical sex, but you may or may not be successful.
Well, I’m not data, just a lonely little anecdote, but my parents were both decidedly closer to the former than to the latter in their approach to sex. Dad emphasized safe sex if sex was to occur, and also focused pretty heavily on the concept of “don’t ever do anything you don’t want to do.” Mom was concerned with discretion (I had two much yonger siblings) and common sense while tacitly acknowleding that I would be having sex when I was ready.
The first time I had sexual intercourse, I was 21 years old. My partner was a woman who I eventually married, and to whom I have now been married for 10 years.
So there’s that.
Do you have any adult friends your daughter looks up to/respects? It might be easier for her to talk about what’s going on with someone who’s not “Mom”.
If you haven’t already had “the talk”, it’s time.
With all the news about Weiner{SP?}in the news, it’s a perfect example to use to show what can happen if you send someone pictures of yourself.
The point of sexual education shouldn’t be keeping kids from having sex, that’s a step in the wrong direction. It should be to make sure they have sex in a safe way and have all the resources available to them to keep themselves safe.
I’m only just pregnant now, but I want my child to engage in premarital sex. His father and I got married when we were in our mid 20s. That’s a hellofa long time to wait for sex. Not to mention, the only way to get good at something is to practice, practice, practice. I don’t just mean practicing sex, I mean practicing being in a sexual relationship. The abstinence only crowd is correct when they say things change between people when they start a sexual relationship, but they are wrong when they say it’s a bad thing. I’m glad my husband and I were not our first sexual partners–it means we got all that weirdness and clingyness and general childishness about sexual relationships out of the way years before we met. If we were both virgins on our wedding night…yeesh I can’t imagine our relationship would be as solid as it is today.
If the girl in question is 14 and googling “masturbation talk with boyfriend” then in my personal opinion, it’s a little late to be inculcating those values you’re so eloquently advocating.
I’m not saying it’s bad advice. It’s just about 10 or so years too late in this instance.
At this point, either girl has internalized the values of the family (which, incidentally, the values she notices through family behavior and internalizes may not match the values which are spoken and promoted by same) and she doesn’t agree with them due to the influences of hormones, boyfriends, or an early-appearing individuality regarding sexual mores
OR she does agree with those morals and she’s trying to figure out how to appease both family values and the boyfriend’s desires, so as to stay ‘good’ and keep her boyfriend as happy as possible.
The sad thing here (to me) is the reliance on google rather than having an older woman or mentor (not necessarily or even preferentially mom) to ask those questions to.
We know that abstinence-only sex education does not work. Don’t rely on it to keep your kids safe from teen pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.
There are good and bad ways to teach your values to your kids. Refusing to talk about any difference in values between you and your kid, or refusing to let your kid talk to you about any situation where her values don’t match yours, is not a good way. That can end in her not being willing to talk to you about certain subjects. Whatever she decides to do sexually, surely you want her to be able to ask you for advice on sex and related topics, do you not?
Refusing to talk about certain topics (or having the only conversational mode about those topics be “you as the parent tell her as the child what she is going to do and believe”) is going to affect your relationship long after her teenage years, too. Don’t forget, your relationship with your adult child is affected by your relationship with that child as a teenager. You don’t get a clean slate on your relationship when she turns 18. I’m 36, and there are still things I can’t talk to my parents about. We’re not estranged, but we’re not particularly close, either. They are not the first people to hear about it if something is going wrong in my life. They’re much more likely to only hear about it when I can’t hide whatever it is (illness, losing a job, etc) from them any more.
I agree. I’m due in November and I want my child to know what sex is and why it is important (but not as important as some people make it out to be!) I want to teach them to be respectful of others all the time but especially to those people who are their boyfriends/girlfriends/sexual partners. I want to teach them to really understand the consequences of their decisions long before the decision of whether or not to have sex with someone comes to mind. I want them to understand that not everyone is going to be honest with them and how to tell if someone is pushing you to do something whether or not you want to do it which will come in handy outside of sexual situations as well. I don’t think telling them that god loves you better if you wait for sex or that all the feelings you’re developing are bad and should be punished are good ways to accomplish those goals
Anyone notice the join date? I suspect another case of googling the problem, stumbling onto the SD, posting a question, and never being seen or heard from again.
I’m only just thinking of conceiving (not even properly trying, yet), and I want any child I have to have premarital sex. Why? Because I think “we were horny and wanted to have sex” is a terrible reason to get married. And I think that happens more than some people would like to admit in environments where premarital sex is strongly discouraged.
You made me choke on my coffee, you bastard.
I’m thinking it’s something like flang.
Zis is [del]KAOS[/del]IMHO! Ve do not FAP here!
We do? I didn’t think there had been anything conclusive on that front. I could be wrong. I’m not so sure schools are the proper forum for sex education of any sort to begin with; it’s really the parents’ duty.
I couldn’t agree more. I remember from developmental psychology in college that the happiest, most well-adjusted children came from “authoritative”, not “authoritarian” households. But, mind you, also not from “permissive” or “neglectful” households either. Parental mandates can’t just be “suggestions”; children have to understand that, as long as they’re under your roof, they’ll play by your rules. Now, that shouldn’t discourage discussion. If my son or daughter want to talk about sexual morality (well, they’re 4 and 2 now), my simply saying “you cannot have sex because I said so” isn’t going to cut it. We’ll discuss the social, spiritual, philosophical, and psychological aspects of sexuality, and we’ll discuss it until the cows come home, if necessary. And when they move out of the house, should they wish to have sex before marriage, I will be disappointed, but I won’t disown them. But if we’ve done our job as parents, our children should grow up valuing the exclusive bond between husband and wife.
That’s exactly why open communication between parent and child is vital. You can never tell a child what to believe, you can only control their actions, and less so as time goes by. Children should be moral because they know it’s the right thing to do, because they are an inseparable part of their family, their community, and their faith.
We can debate the pros and cons of pre-marital sex per se in another thread. My comments were based on the assumption that the mother in question would prefer that her 14 year-old daughter not progress into a sexual relationship with her internet friend. I’ll just say that getting married just to have sex is indeed a terrible idea. I’m not so sure that does happen – I’m a divorce lawyer, and I’ve not yet seen, in 7 years of practice, an arranged-marriage Indian couple, or observant Jewish or Christian couple break up because they got married for sex. Sure, it’s, anecdotal, but the point is, that’s where values come in. You should get married because you and your spouse have the same values, because you love each other with your minds, hearts, souls, as well as your bodies.
Exactly. See this film for examples. You’ll either freak out and search for a convent to send her to, or realize that she is not that bad.
I frequently clean up computers infected with malware. Based on the type of infections, I can often tell where it was picked up, and I’ll look through the browser history. 14 year old girls are generally desperate to fit in, and - based on what I’ve seen - spend a lot of time answering questionnaires about sex, romance and relationships (several of which are sources of malware), to make sure they are “normal”.
A few years ago, when Facebook was limited to schools, all the teens around here were using Xanga. A friend’s daughter was going to a Catholic school. One of the nuns got an account, and proceeded to locate each kid in school with an account, then printed out their page and mailed it to their home.
My friend’s daughter, who I will call “Susan”, had an account named susanlovesthecock.
I was drafted, as a sort of adopted Uncle, to explain the “Internet Facts of Life” to her. I showed her archive.org, and the Google cache, and explained how everything she posts will remain on the Internet forever. She has become a lot more discreet.
Also, get a Google Voice account. If you have a Gmail account right now, you have access to one already. This will give you free US long distance, so they can call and talk for hours. But, more importantly, this give her a disposable telephone number that she can call through, and give him to call her back that is not connected to either your home number or her cell. If their relationship goes south, or he turns out to be a 35 years old, the settings can be changed so it goes only to the Google Voice voicemail and your phone never rings again. And, of course she should only give out a Gmail, or Yahoo account that is not her primary account for the same reasons.
Yeah, it’s like kids are asking Google to tell them how to feel, or think. Perhaps we’re becoming too reliant on it.
FTR, I’d rather search for “estelle getty nude” over “britney spears nude.” Have you seen that C-section scar!? GAHHH!