I’m totally in the “don’t make a big deal of it” camp. But this makes me think of a great line from the great film Clueless:
“Anything happens to my daughter, I got a .45 and a shovel, I doubt anybody would miss you.”
This. Very much this.
Yes, Be nice, firm, make eye contact and a firm handshake. Don’t be a dick.
Now, if he won’t make eye contact, shake hands or is evasive about answering those basic questions- *then *you can start being a dick.
You could do what my brother-in-law always did and ask: “Do you know what a gelding knife is?”
Too be honest 14 seems a bit young for a one on one date. My daughters were allowed to double date at 14 with a 10pm curfew. IIRC we let them single date when they turned 16.
It wasn’t a matter of trust. I knew my daughter’s values and I’d taught them to knee a guy in the goolies when necessary. My biggest concern when they were beginning to date was some kid getting handsy. Grabbing everything in sight. By the time they had double dated for a couple years they’d have enough experience to deal with that.
We did the birth control talk too and my wife eventually took them to her doctor for the pill. Maybe at 17or 18? I can’t recall.
I would think it might help to ask if he (and his parents) knew your phone number (he’s probably been talking to the girl on her number). Stuff happens on dates. Kid gets sick, car goes dead, change of plans.
You’re joking, right?
This.
Favorite line (that I would never actually use.) tosses shotgun shell to kid. Remember, after eleven, it comes at you MUCH faster.
Real life, I’d say something like: “Hey (boy’s name,) nice to meet you. (Daughter’s name) has mentioned you and she’s said you’re a cool dude*. You guys have fun and make sure she’s home by (curfew Time.) BTW, Here’s my number in case ya’ll have any problems. "
I might slip him or her a twenty for a little extra food/drinks/whatever. If a parent is driving, I’d be like"Oh, mom/dad is driving, how about you introduce me and we’ll make sure we’re on the same page as far as time, activities, and stuff like that.”
As they’re leaving, I’d probably yell out something like “Have fun storming the castle!”**
*Yes, she’d use those words
**Movie freak, she’d get it and laugh.
DESK - dad of 14 and 11 year old girls and kind of pities their future dates.
<14 year old daughter>
I feel for you, I really do. It get’s worse from here on.
I speak from horrible experience.
Unfortunately, there is no easy answer for anything that will ensue in the future- whatever they say/ write, NO ONE knows how your situation will evolve.
Would take an Australian to understand and appreciate this -
He is and he isn’t, but in the context is totally appropriate and were I to be “back home” is something that I might well say to somebody picking up my kid.
In Aus, this would not be seen as inappropriate and is along the lines of making a sarcastic joke while at the same time just letting the boy know the girl should be treated with respect.
The problem with the cliche threats is that they create an adversarial relationship.
Unless she’s dating a really bad kid, the fear shouldn’t be that he will do something against her will; the danger is that the two of them will get alone, hyped up on hormones and do something they end up regretting. Appeal to his budding masculinity, protectiveness and sense of responsibility.
Ask him about himself and his family. Ask him why he likes your daughter, then agree and speak well of her. Ask him if he has younger siblings and tell him parenthood is like that times a million. Point to a photo on the wall and talk about how much you love her. Tell a story about a time she was almost hurt and how much it upset you, and how very much you care about keeping her safe – even and perhaps especially safe from herself and poor choices she might make – because protecting the women they care about is one of the things good men do.
Then give him a handshake, look him in the eye, and tell him he looks like a good guy and that you trust him with your daughter.
Wow. If this date works out and he seems responsible, maybe you can get him to take her off your hands for a nice little dowry, so there will always be a man to make the right choices for her.
This is weird and creepy.
And ineffective. But so is every other piece of advice in this thread. Having been The Boy The OP Was Worried About a time or two, I can tell you it doesn’t matter what you do or say. Scared kids will be scared of you with or without the shotgun talk. Others will be giving you the finger the moment they walk out the door (and your daughter a bit later.) Be civil, take pictures, set a curfew, say hello to the other parents, and let the chips fall where they may.
One can hope.
So when they got home, you and the boy held hands and shared an awkward kiss?
Well at least he didn’t have to give the guy a blow job.
AnaMen’s advice is the best. This is just a short school dance, not a life time commitment. Chances are good the the two kids won’t even talk much afterwards.
If your daughters’ dates kept their zippers up, I seriously doubt it had much to do with you, and more to do with your daughters’ lack of interest. But you keep believing what you want.
Contrary to most movie meme’s, teenage date rape is not a common occurrence.